I really only got through about the first four slides. Time ran short and it turned more discussion based than me presenting, which was good.
I spent most of my time going through my five take-aways (Doubt is not a sin, all you can offer is love, don't make out people to be anti-Mormon in your head, people probably won't approach faith the same afterward, and telling people to just read and pray is usually not helpful) and pointing out some of the things we have discussed here (people aren’t reading anti-Mormon material, etc..). The discussion was good and it really came down to Bishops offering love and support, don’t get defensive, just listen and show concern and give people time and space. Love bombing is not effective and does not equal love.
There were some comments (and I expected this as I’m sure we all would) that rubbed me the wrong way, but I tried to keep a smile on my face. Some of those comments included:
• People have a faith crisis not because they have studied too much but because they have studied too little (this just drives me nuts, but the discussion was in a flow and I didn’t want to interrupt and get too defensive, so I let it pass without saying much)
• People are engaging in pseudo-intellectualism and leaving faith out of the equation (blarg! )
• People just need to read and pray and get back to having spiritual experiences (this after we covered the whole reading and praying probably won’t work and there is probably a significant lack of trust in the process and the authority of the process)
There were also some really good comments about just loving people, we don’t stop loving our kids if they aren’t doing exactly what we want them to do.
At one point there was some discussion about how there was a general sense that resignations were increasing and it feels like there is some “purging” going on. Elder Cook’s comments about the church being stronger than it has ever been was brought out and everyone agreed that it’s just the internet that amplifies everything and we don’t need to worry because look, Elder Cook! At this point I couldn’t keep quiet and said I don’t know where Elder Cook is getting his data, but there was the report released from the Pew Foundation this week and the only real religion increasing in adherents is the “Unaffiliated.” Those identifying as LDS in that survey decreased, so if we just sit here and think all is well then we won’t actually be forward thinking about what we can do and how we can be spiritually innovative and how to make the church better for people. At which point I got cut off because we were way over time.
Some of the more interesting conversations were those after the training:
• A friend and I were discussing the Elder Cook statements and he was pushing back on me (“No unhallowed hand”, “Stone cut out of the mountain” and all that). I asked him how he reconciled what Elder Jensen said and what Elder Cook is saying. Two contradicting statements; he didn’t have a good answer. I didn’t push on him just offered those as two different opinions, and I don’t know which one is right
• Conversation with a couple of Bishops afterward: One has an RM son who is going, been through, exactly what we were talking about. The only thing he has been able to do is let his son know that he loves him and keep a relationship. We talked about how that is the most important thing.
• I got asked a question and opened up a bit more than I would have liked to. I made myself vulnerable and I’m kind of worried about it, but not sure what I can do about it now. One of the Bishops (the one with the struggling son) asked me how I stay or how I reconciled things. I don’t have a good answer to this question but I talked about how I feel called to be in community with my fellow Mormons, the example of my parents, this is my spiritual home, I feel a connection to the diving though I don’t know exactly what that is (this is the answer that worries me the most), but I really enjoy the community and want to be there even though there are things I can't reconcile ( well I can't talk about how I have reconciled them because then I would be a heretic
Some final thoughts:
• One of the reasons I stick around is I see people concerned and caring and doing the best they can. They really care, they just don’t understand, and I don’t think they can. I think the reason they go back to pray and read is because they don’t have any other good answers or rebuttals. They really don’t, they don’t know how to address the issues other than “just believe.” That works for some, but not everyone.
• I wonder what those Bishops think about me. I didn’t talk about my experiences at all (except a small thing after with a couple of the Bishops). But I wonder if they think I’m a faith crisis survivor or something and how that might affect my relationship with the church going forward.
• I don’t know if this changed anything or helped or hindered, but I felt like I was doing the best I can in the paradigm I live in. I let them know that they can use me as a resource and I am willing to come talk to their ward councils or whatever but I kind of doubt anyone will reach out.
If you made it this far, I salute you.
