worthiness questions in calling interview

[journeygirl]

Thanks Roy.

Today that same high counsel member sat on the stand, and I couldn't help think he was looking down on us and judging my husband and I. Not a great Sunday experience.

It might be a blessing to not end up having that more demanding calling too Now maybe he can just join me in primary. If they don't want him because he isn't perfect, it's probably for the best.

[SunbeltRed]

journeygirl,

The experience you had still bugs me...I hope he is not looking down on you. I think we all need to recognize that imperfection goes both ways.

[Curt Sunshine]

I also hope he wasn't.

That lingering feeling of being judged is one of the worst things about this sort of experience, since it often colors future experiences in ways that aren't productive and are inaccurate.

[Shades of Grey]

journeygirl,
My thoughts are with you. My wife (not raised in the church) likes it well enough, but thinks the temple is strange (took endowments to marry me, her only 2 attendance's) and also does not feel she believes enough to seek a renewed temple recommend. She is worthy in my biased opinion other than her disbelief/disinterest/strange feelings. She is an amazing woman, but some along the way have interpreted that she's not "faith-filled" enough. For myself, I have always felt it is not spiritually prudent to place myself on an uneven pedistool and seek a recommend until she is ready (which may be many years), and we do it together. Otherwise we would appear to be orthodox enough members. She attends all meetings with me. I have been judged several/handful of times for this decision not to seek a recommend without her over the years in similar ways that you detailed in your experience... and nothing feels worse spiritually. I identify with you on this one. Hang in there this does not define you or the wonderful man you are married to.

[SilentDawning]

We are also, often a product of former leaders.

When I was new in the church in the 80's we had a counselor who asked me "are you worthy to accept the calling?" [the calling he had extended]. Also, at that time, the way they announced people to positions in sacrament meeting, the wording was "So and so has been interviewed and found worthy to accept the calling of [insert calling here]".

So, when I was new to the Bishopric years ago, I asked the same question of a couple. They were totally shocked that even asked the question. Their reaction showed me that non-Bishopric/SP people asking about worthiness was no longer deemed acceptable by the general membership -- or maybe, was no longer a standard practice. I never had any real training about how to call people to positions, so that interview, and the people's' reaction to my question trained me.

Who knows, maybe he was acting on an old paradigm....i wince when I look back on how I did it years and years ago.

[DarkJedi]

Today that same high counsel member sat on the stand, and I couldn't help think he was looking down on us and judging my husband and I. Not a great Sunday experience.

As someone who has spent time time on the stand, I'll say it's difficult not to look down - that's where everybody is. I do hope he wasn't judging though.

[jhp33]

If it is a stake-level calling, the Stake President is responsible to consult with the individual's bishop to determine worthiness prior to issuing a call. This is usually done through the ward's high council rep. That is how worthiness is determined, not through the meeting where the calling is extended.

Sounds like someone hasn't been reading their church handbook...

[journeygirl]

Thanks for more comments. You all have some good suggestions and kind words that are helping me deal with this situation.

We haven't heard anything else about all this. Is it typical to get back to someone in this situation, or will they probably just move on and not let us know what happened?

[Curt Sunshine]

The ideal would be follow-up no matter what, but lots of people won't follow-up if the call isn't officially extended.

It's like job interviews: the ideal is for all candidates who have face-to-face interviews to be contacted, but I've had multiple situations in my own life when no follow-up occurred if I wasn't the final candidate chosen. It's frustrating to be left hanging while still wondering, but I've learned to let it go and not worry about it. If they want to offer the calling, they will contact your husband again. In the meantime, try not to sweat it.

[journeygirl]

Update:

So the high councilman must have passed on info on my husband to one of the stake counselors or stake president, because they called my bishop to have my husband come in to talk to him. He went by himself at first, but as he explained to the bishop what happened, the bishop had me come too to explain my feelings. He hadn't been told anything by the stake, so he was pretty surprised by what we told him. He agreed with us that it seemed like what happened was wrong. He didn't want to criticize the stake leaders, but he said he would talk to them to figure out their point of view of what happened. As for the offense our high councilman was so concerned about, the bishop also agreed with us that it was something that my husband and I can deal with ourselves and that my husband wouldn't have needed to confess it to the bishop, and certainly not to a high councilman. He said he would see if my husband can still get that calling, since he was the one who recommended him, but if not, the bishop said he would give my husband a calling in the ward.

So at least the bishop supports us, which is more important to me than what the stake leaders think. I guess we are winning on leadership roulette on the local level! I feel so much better after having talked to the bishop. I am still interested to hear what the stake perspective is, but it doesn't matter that much now that we know our bishop supports us.