No longer belong here ..

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
conflicted testimony
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No longer belong here ..

Post by conflicted testimony » 07 Dec 2013, 03:03

I guess I no longer belong on StayLDS, Last week I sent an email to Bishop, RS President, YW President and a few other key people saying that we will no longer be attending church.

It is not an official resignation as DH still has a strong testimony, but simply does not want to attend. It appears that I was the only one holding it all together for the past few years and his attendance was very casual. I have a testimony of God and Jesus, but not of the BoM and the Church. Not sure if this means I will be exéd or whether we just fade away - I hadn't thought that through and have been given no indication from the priesthood.

As for extended family - it doesn't change for me as none of mine are LDS and they aren't really interested either way. For DH, nothing has really change as he has spent most of his life inactive anyway. I am sure his parents will be very disappointed if they knew the whole story, but I am not going there with them, it is DH's choice if he wants to.

Interestingly, DH has been very adamant about the truth of the church since I have "come out" to him, his actions are an interesting case study in human nature that's for sure!

So most of the angst and anguish has been in my head. The kids are really happy. Dh is slightly disturbed but I think he is ignoring it now. I am relieved.

Physically, not much has changed other than we now have weekends free and an extra night through the week that was for Youth. We haven't suddenly started breaking the law of chastity or Wow or turned into demons :) I have stopped reading the ensign as some of the articles make me angry, I stopped reading BoM a few months ago. I will be focussing on NT instead. DH has never read anyway.

The members of the church have been really lovely with messages saying the door is always open and that they will pray for us. No one has unfriended me on Facebook and I still conversations with a few.

I am considering dropping off the Ward Facebook page as notification of events are leaving me a little sad. I really did enjoy the Christmas pageants, pot luck dinners, Friday night ladies dinner, etc. I also hover over the keyboard to say yes for volunteering assignments (eg camp cook/supervisor!) but know I should not do those. I will still offer to help individual members, at least until I don't feel welcome anymore! I hope friendships will hold enough so that doesn't happen.

I want to thank everyone here for your insights, it has really helped me come to terms with my issues. It has meant I stayed longer than I thought I would and certainly do not leave with any resentment. I see that there are a lot of different types of people in the church living it their own way and making a difference.

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Re: No longer belong here ..

Post by mackay11 » 07 Dec 2013, 03:31

Good luck on your journey but there's no reason you can't continue to share it with us. There are several participants here who have not attended church in several years but appreciate the balanced, moderate religious discussion about topics that are relevant to those who have associate or continue to associate with Mormons.

If it's any reassurance, my wife announced she would not attend any more 3 years ago. She was not 'exed' - non-attendance is not justification for excommunication. She still attends activities occasionally and she still has 3-4 very close friends from church that she sees regularly. I sincerely hope that your church friends continue to make you welcome. There's also no reason you can't continue helping at service activities.

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Re: No longer belong here ..

Post by SamBee » 07 Dec 2013, 04:56

Actually you do belong here. Your experience is relevant, There are other folk here in a similar position.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true is...authorized to administer the Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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Re: No longer belong here ..

Post by SilentDawning » 07 Dec 2013, 05:33

I agree with everyone here that you do belong here....there are a lot of people like you who participate. Some of us are like you in our belief systems, except we go to church -- but inwardly, have similar feelings you do. In other words, there is "presenteesism" where we are disengaged from the church experience as you are, but simply take our bodies to the church every sunday anyway (I am one of them).

So, I would continue posting here and being part of our community. If there is a place that accepts people who no longer believe, and still wants to interact with them, THIS IS THE PLACE. (bringing new meaning to Brigham Young's famous purported statement!).
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

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Re: No longer belong here ..

Post by cwald » 07 Dec 2013, 09:03

I don't attend church, believe in its truth claims, participate in its cultural rituals...and my leaders know how I feel.

I participate here to practice my communications and tact when dealing with LDS family members, and to perhaps make it a softer landing for those who are just starting, to help validate those who come here angry and bitter, and to temper the apologetics of the site so those like me feel they can discuss without fear of being rebuked.

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  Jesus gave us the gospel, but Satan invented church. It takes serious evil to formalize faith into something tedious and then pile guilt on anyone who doesn't participate enthusiastically. - Robert Kirby

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Re: No longer belong here ..

Post by Old-Timer » 07 Dec 2013, 11:46

There is no reason you can't continue to participate, as long as you can continue to support those who want to stay - and I don't see anything in your post that would indicate you can't do that.

To repeat, there is nothing in not attending that is a justifiable reason for excommunication. Inactivity is not a valid reason.
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Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

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Re: No longer belong here ..

Post by mom3 » 07 Dec 2013, 17:11

I hope you will stay, as you can read we are a varied group, and even when you take time off the issues are still there. It sinks into us, it influences us like a whisper, so please stick around. I am the more believing spouse, actually my husband and I love the same foundational theology, but for him it was too painful to participate in. He didn't turn into a demon either. It's a journey - whether you attend or don't. We'd still love to share your journey with you.
"I stayed because it was God and Jesus Christ that I wanted to follow and be like, not individual human beings." Chieko Okazaki Dialogue interview

"I am coming to envision a new persona for the Church as humble followers of Jesus Christ....Joseph and his early followers came forth with lots of triumphalist rhetoric, but I think we need a new voice, one of humility, friendship and service. We should teach people to believe in God because it will soften their hearts and make them more willing to serve." - Richard Bushman

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Re: No longer belong here ..

Post by Heber13 » 07 Dec 2013, 18:18

conflicted testimony wrote:I want to thank everyone here for your insights, it has really helped me come to terms with my issues. It has meant I stayed longer than I thought I would and certainly do not leave with any resentment. I see that there are a lot of different types of people in the church living it their own way and making a difference.
I'm interested to know where you head towards and how you feel without church activity. I have no problems with people taking a break from church and not really wanting to sign up for active lifestyle....I'm just interested in how the alternatives compare. Feel free to keep posting on how you trade for better things in your life. Let us know how you fair. :)
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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Re: No longer belong here ..

Post by DarkJedi » 08 Dec 2013, 07:25

I haven't attended a church meeting in over 10 years, and that's actually why I think I do belong here. I have doubts and questions about the church and about the gospel itself. I'd say your situation is exactly why you do belong here. Not going to church and not being LDS are not exactly the same things.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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Post by ihhi » 08 Dec 2013, 23:55

I appreciate this thread. I have pretty much given up on the church this past year and haven't visited this discussion board much since as I didn't feel like I belonged, even though I previously enjoyed it.

I decided to pop back in tonight and this thread was just what I needed.

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