Interacting with investigators

[Didge]

When the missionaries in our ward bring investigators to church, I always make a point of greeting them and making them feel welcome, but I've always avoided becoming too involved with them because, if they were to ask me pointed questions, I wouldn't want to say anything that might derail their budding faith. But now I'm in the awkward position of providing transportation to and from church for an investigator, a very bright grad student. Everyone seems to see me as his "mentor," and I feel obligated now to attend priesthood meeting with him (a meeting I don't much like and boycott whenever I can). I worry about questions he might pose that would put me on the spot as a partial believer. I have only very occasionally spoken in testimony meetings, and then only on general things that I really believe (e.g., God's love, and so forth). Even with members, I studiously avoid saying anything that might sow seeds of doubt in their minds, but interacting with investigators, this seems to be a more difficult path. Has anyone here been in a similar situation? If so, how did you handle it?

[AmyJ]

As a tactical scenario, a way to avoid answering questions is to ask really good questions that prompt the questioner to talk and think out loud:)

"What is most meaningful to you about point X from the lesson we just had?" Can help too:)



You could also switch tactics and just focus on treating them as a friend. You could even front-load the situation by saying something like, "I am happy to give you a ride and be your friend, but I am not your source of information for doctrinal questions. What else is on your mind?" could be a rough draft of a useful statement.

Deciding for yourself what you feel like talking about (and don't) and figuring out ways to communicate that will make those potentially awkward situations much easier, I think.

[nibbler]

I have a never-Mormon coworker that will occasionally ask me a question about the church. I try to present both sides when answering a question. E.g. this is where I'm at personally but the more orthodox viewpoint on the subject is this.

If it's a member I play it by ear. I might take an I didn't volunteer my opinion, you asked, so here's my actual opinion approach. I might take a speak Mormonese as best I can to expose a masked portion of my actual opinion approach. I don't have people in church asking me doctrinal questions in the hallway so I usually take the sit in silence in a lesson approach.

I did serve as the ward mission leader well into my faith crisis. It wasn't easy and when you go on exchanges missionaries absolutely will put you on the spot in the middle of one of their visits. "Brother Nibbler, how does it help you to know that the church has been restored?" Oh boy, here we go. How to manage this one? Thankfully I no longer have that calling.

Were I in your shoes in interacting with a recent convert I'd probably take a softer version of my coworker approach. Let them know my own personal opinion and contrast that against the more official answer. I'd do it for a few reasons. For the sake of authenticity and sanity and to communicate to the new member that it's okay to hold opinions that are different than the company line.

When I was a newly joined member I would have appreciated learning the lesson that it's okay to retain some of my own identity and uniqueness in a culture that applies a great deal of pressure to conform in actions and beliefs.

Heck, I think even many orthodox members out there would feel greater connections with people in their wards if we got more comfortable with expressing how our beliefs can be slightly off script. We might be greeted with a lot of, "Hey, me too!" responses.

[Old-Timer]

We have given visitors and new members rides for a long time. When asked questions, I give the standard, stereotypical answers as “the teachings of the church for all the members” and then add my own view of “the higher, Gospel view”. (kind of like the minimum expectation of a general concept for the broad organization to have a degree of harmony with a wide membership and the Gospel standard of trying to become like Jesus)

The other approach is to let my more (but not fully) orthodox wife answer the questions.