In our pre-blessing conversation, my husband mentioned he thought I would make a great Institute teacher or director.
While I can see where he is coming from, it just shows me that there is a large gap between where I am in my faith narrative and where he thinks I am in my faith narrative.
I steadied myself to be prepared for anything from profound impressions/lightening bolts to absolutely nothing changing or happening. I had been thinking of asking my husband for a blessing anyways as a means to get a communication from God.
The best way to re-calibrate equipment is to adjust it and then test that it works over and over again until either you throw it at the ground and stomp on it disgust and order a new one, or until you know how it works and it works the way it is supposed to.
Since I am trying to re-calibrate my perception of God, I am thinking of ways to try to communicate with God that will tell me I am on the right track. I also try not to doubt to the point where I become frustrated and disgruntled enough to throw it all away. I was hopeful that a blessing from my husband could contain a small lightening bolt or something from God that would say "This is God" so that I would know what it feels like/is in my post-faith transition narrative.
- My husband felt that he was blessing me and helping me (and us) through the blessing.
- He felt something meaningful - there were tears in the corner of his eyes at the end. CAVEAT: My husband connects with his emotions easily, so while this is an event, it is not an earth-shaking event.
- I was here to be an instrument of God (even though I think I border on humanist agnostic) and to help others.
- There was temple work mentioned. Since I am currently at best a chapel Mormon, yeah no.
- I think there was the spiritual non-verbal equivalent of "everything will be OK" there-there ing.
- There was a sense of "God has a purpose for all this" - though the "purpose" perhaps being a way for me to not a church endorsement is not the "purpose" my husband had in mind.
- I am starting to carve out a few Saturday morning hours a month to volunteer at a free clinic in my area. I felt impressed that this was a good thing for me to do.
- For the first time, I saw clearly that what was being said was framed by my husband's faith narrative. I am NOT saying that God did not use my husband's faith narrative to send a message, because I don't know. And this loss of knowledge hurt me more than I expected it to. The difference between "this blessing has true messages for me that I can act on" vs "this blessing might have messages for me that might be true that I can act on" felt enormous.
- Conversely, I felt more alone after the blessing - more that it was up to me to figure out what I wanted to do, that it was up to me to "make my own luck" in this situation.That is what I pieced together - nothing in the blessing actually directly said that.