Parenting 5 years later

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SilentDawning
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Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Parenting 5 years later

Post by SilentDawning » 19 Oct 2020, 05:06

As background, about 5 years ago, I think I posted about my tremendous loss of the relationship I had with my daughter. She clearly was rejecting me and the way I think. If I would initiate conversation it would often end with her being angry etcetera. This was a far cry from the strong relationships we had when she was a little girl and pre-mid-teen. All this happened when she was about 15 or 16 years old.

Since she is the oldest (meaning, I had never experienced such changes in the parent-child relationship before at this age), I appreciated the comments from DJ, HG and others who said that this is normal. You also told me that after they become Young Adults, they come around again.

Well, she's come around. She's only 21 but has been married for 3 years, and this has matured her. Plus she's had jobs and life experience (such as buying a house, and grappling with finances) etcetera. I think it helps that I have dealt with some of my own personality issues, although I think this is actually a fairly minor part of the equation.

I want to say thanks to everyone who gave me hope that the situation would change as she matured. It is as you predicted! She calls me for advice and to update me a lot on different things happening with her, and conversations rarely if ever end badly. She is more of an adult now.

Funny, I don't seem to have the same problem with my son as I did with my teenage daughter (not that she was a problem -- she was a VERY good kid, just touchy). He goes about his business and we cross paths now and then. He is generally more even-tempered and not angry with me about the things I say. Every child is different. I am just thankful I don't have to deal with the torrent of negativity I felt when my daughter was his age....

Thanks again everyone for the support in this area those many years ago. Good deeds cast long rays of light :)
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

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DarkJedi
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Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: Parenting 5 years later

Post by DarkJedi » 19 Oct 2020, 10:34

Told ya so! I can't take all the credit, I think everybody helps everybody here and I like that.

I think it does turn out the way yours (and mine) did the vast majority of the time as we all mature, but there are sadly some cases where it does not turn out like we'd like and hope. I didn't want to tell you that then because I'm kind of all about hope and it is the minority of situations. All kidding aside, I'm glad it worked out for you and your family.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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Minyan Man
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Joined: 15 Sep 2011, 13:40

Re: Parenting 5 years later

Post by Minyan Man » 19 Oct 2020, 11:28

I like what DJ said.

Roy
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Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Parenting 5 years later

Post by Roy » 20 Oct 2020, 12:21

I am in a similar situation to you SD. My daughter is also my oldest child and she is now 14. She is also a very good kid but can give significant pushback.

While my son may whine about having to do something, my daughter may question the legitimacy of the task or even our authority to make her do it.

I try to praise her self advocacy skills. If there is any situation that she perceives as unfair, DD has the backbone to stand up for herself. I believe that these personality traits (while possibly ruffling some feathers) will serve her well as an adult.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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