Parenting 5 years later

[SilentDawning]

As background, about 5 years ago, I think I posted about my tremendous loss of the relationship I had with my daughter. She clearly was rejecting me and the way I think. If I would initiate conversation it would often end with her being angry etcetera. This was a far cry from the strong relationships we had when she was a little girl and pre-mid-teen. All this happened when she was about 15 or 16 years old.

Since she is the oldest (meaning, I had never experienced such changes in the parent-child relationship before at this age), I appreciated the comments from DJ, HG and others who said that this is normal. You also told me that after they become Young Adults, they come around again.

Well, she's come around. She's only 21 but has been married for 3 years, and this has matured her. Plus she's had jobs and life experience (such as buying a house, and grappling with finances) etcetera. I think it helps that I have dealt with some of my own personality issues, although I think this is actually a fairly minor part of the equation.

I want to say thanks to everyone who gave me hope that the situation would change as she matured. It is as you predicted! She calls me for advice and to update me a lot on different things happening with her, and conversations rarely if ever end badly. She is more of an adult now.

Funny, I don't seem to have the same problem with my son as I did with my teenage daughter (not that she was a problem -- she was a VERY good kid, just touchy). He goes about his business and we cross paths now and then. He is generally more even-tempered and not angry with me about the things I say. Every child is different. I am just thankful I don't have to deal with the torrent of negativity I felt when my daughter was his age....

Thanks again everyone for the support in this area those many years ago. Good deeds cast long rays of light

[DarkJedi]

Told ya so! I can't take all the credit, I think everybody helps everybody here and I like that.

I think it does turn out the way yours (and mine) did the vast majority of the time as we all mature, but there are sadly some cases where it does not turn out like we'd like and hope. I didn't want to tell you that then because I'm kind of all about hope and it is the minority of situations. All kidding aside, I'm glad it worked out for you and your family.

[Minyan Man]

I like what DJ said.

[Roy]

I am in a similar situation to you SD. My daughter is also my oldest child and she is now 14. She is also a very good kid but can give significant pushback.

While my son may whine about having to do something, my daughter may question the legitimacy of the task or even our authority to make her do it.

I try to praise her self advocacy skills. If there is any situation that she perceives as unfair, DD has the backbone to stand up for herself. I believe that these personality traits (while possibly ruffling some feathers) will serve her well as an adult.