What brings you joy?

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Minyan Man
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What brings you joy?

Post by Minyan Man » 17 Jul 2020, 07:58

This is topic that I'm springing off of a topic titled: How are you handling chaos? by Desertghost83
I didn't want to hijack the post. So, I decided to create another. I've started to watch Ted Talks again from the web.
This is the talk I watched: https://www.ted.com/talks/ingrid_fetell ... _your_life

It is titled: Where joy hides & how to find it.
After watching it, I asked myself: what brings me real joy? Another question is: how can I draw on what brings me joy during this time
during this disaster we call a pandemic? I don't want to be "Pollyanna" about it But, I'm wondering, what do you draw on that brings you
joy at times like this? This is my short list. I will probably add to it as we go on.

- Family .(children, Grand children, Brother, Sister. We talk on a regular basis.
- Friends. I have a select group of friends that I talk to on regular basis. In the church & outside.
- Hobbies. I like doing Family History. It is a hobby I can do on my own. It's my calling in church. I don't need special training or meeting.
I can train members of the ward (before the shutdown) one on one. They seem to appreciate it.
- Exercise. I wish there was more I could say about exercise. When I do it I feel better. I can call it joy.
- Health. This is the weak link currently. I need cataract surgery & both knees need to be replaced. The 2nd surgery has been cancelled twice.
It could be worse.

Your list is going to vary based on your life, experiences & needs.

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desertghost93
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Re: What brings you joy?

Post by desertghost93 » 17 Jul 2020, 22:03

My list is a lot similar to yours. Except for training members. I noticed in the Ted Talk she mentioned we overlook joy. I believe this is very true. We are so concerned about what is directly in front of us, we inhibit our ability to see the big picture. Reminds me of a scene from Moneyball. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxJ0PGSJ-Uc

I find it humbling my post inspired you to make this one. I believe this is critical to explore during these troubling times.
You can’t base your knowledge of a church off-broadway plays and the media, or even comments from church members because there are millions of them and they are all different and have different opinions, just like everybody else in this world.

Minyan Man
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Re: What brings you joy?

Post by Minyan Man » 19 Jul 2020, 09:39

The other day I was looking out in my back yard. At the edge of my yard I noticed a small tree (about 7 ft) growing wild.
As I looked at it I noticed that it appeared a little strange. It looked healthy with a lot of leaves but it leaned to one one side.
So I decided to take a closer look. I discovered it was covered with a lot of wild vines. In taking a closer look at the tree I
decided that I had to cut it down. It was damaged beyond repair.

In the process of disposing of the tree & the vines, I wondered how much of my life has been pulled in different directions.
There have been periods of my life where I said yes to every calling that was extended in the church.
There were professional positions were I said yes to the first job that came alone without thinking beyond the payroll check.
There were times when I said no to graduate school because it would take me away from my job, church or family.

Not all of my decisions were bad or wrong. Some turned out well.
This brings me back to "What brings me (you) joy?" My conclusion (for me) is, if I concentrate on the Joy part, the Decision
part of my life is easier to make.

(aka The Parable of the Tree & the Vines.)

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DarkJedi
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Re: What brings you joy?

Post by DarkJedi » 20 Jul 2020, 05:25

I wanted to give this some thought before responding.

Some of mine are similar to yours, and I think that's probably not unusual. While I don't think we all find joy in exactly the same things, I do think most of us find joy similarly.

Family: Yes, particularly my nuclear family (wife and children including their spouses, we don't have grandchildren yet). My parent/sibling group is extremely dysfunctional and to say we are not close is putting it very mildly. I do not find joy with them. My wife's parent/sibling group is much closer and I do find some joy in association with them.

Friends: Maybe. I don't have many people I consider close friends and never have. When one of my kids was in middle school and working on some silly project about family he asked who my best friend was. This also happened to be at the height of my faith crisis. Frankly I was stumped for a moment and told him my wife was my best friend. I think that's true, but I also think having a male best friend could bring joy - I cant say that I have experienced that most of my life.

Hobbies: Yes. My hobbies are different from yours, but I do find some joy in them (I do not find joy in your hobby).

Exercise: Yes, and I'm going to include physical labor as part of that. I do find joy and simply feel better when I have participated in meaningful exercise and physical labor.

Health: I suppose. I try to be as healthy as possible, but some things regarding health are not really subject to my control. By the way, cataract surgery was one of the best things I ever did.

Service: And by this I mean service in which I have helped someone who really needed it and couldn't do it alone (as opposed to some free labor project the elders quorum sometimes favors). The service doesn't necessarily have to be something physical - it can be something else (like just listening).

Nature: I find great joy in being in nature or in certain cases just pondering nature (which would include the universe). I marvel at it's beauty and how it all works.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

My Introduction

AmyJ
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Re: What brings you joy?

Post by AmyJ » 20 Jul 2020, 05:58

Thanks for this post.

Spouse - this one is a lot more complicated then it used to be. There is a fair amount of water under the bridge and we have a lot going on.
a) Shared Experience - sometimes when we watch TV or connect intellectually.
b) Growth - I try to celebrate his victories and successes and I get joy from them.
c) Good Health Days - my husband has chronic health problems which have flared up a lot recently, so it brings me joy the days that he is in better health.

Family - my family does bring me joy in specific circumstances.
a) Growth - when one of my children gets something for the first time, or displays a new skill.
b) Togetherness - my 10.5 year old and my 3.75 year old mostly get along these days, and it is fun to listen to them interact sometimes. I also experience joy when my husband has a positive interaction with my daughters (singly or collectively).

Extended Family/Tribe - it's all online these days, but these people are scattered all over the U.S. Some of them I have never met, or seen for over 20 years.
a) Thoughtful Conversations - the ones that make me a better person.
b) Connection - Just sharing time (even if virtually).
c) Additional Perspective - Sometimes I can discuss things with my friends and get a different take on it. The amount of trust that allows this (both ways) brings me joy.

Sunshine - It brought me joy to thaw out this spring. NOTE: I was out on Saturday taking a little hike with my girls and uncomfortably sweating my butt off in the moist jungle that is our current weather - but Spring was still a gift of joy this year for me.]

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Heber13
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Re: What brings you joy?

Post by Heber13 » 20 Jul 2020, 12:38

It seems to me to often be a moving target.

I know there can be a difference between the terms "joy" and "happiness", but putting that aside for the sake of keeping this on track with the purpose of the thread and assuming they are close enough, I do believe our founding fathers argued that for freedom to all people, we have the right to the "pursuit of happiness" because it is in the pursuit of it that we find moments of it, not the right for happiness itself.

I guess that old saying, it isn't the destination but the journey, applies.

To find my joy, I have pursued peace in my life when there was so much chaos, and I needed some quiet peace to help me get closer to joy, and have moments of it.

But then I continue to evolve and change and find I want some new things. So I begin with exercise in the mountains or fishing or times like that which are peaceful and calming to myself, but strenuous to the body. But then it shifts to wanting to learn new skills, such as fixing my car or things around the house, and then it shifts to some career goals, or family relationships, or financial goals.

I don't think I have found one thing and that is "it" for my joy in this life. It is a pursuit of joy that I find myself doing different things, as I journey.

Currently, it is a lot of fly fishing, balanced with relationships with my kids. Church is not my season in life right now, it doesn't provide me with what I need.

Perhaps there will come a new phase in my life, and I will shift to find it. As if there are different seasons of my life, and at some seasons there are some things that are most important to me finding joy, and then when the environment shifts, I find new sources of joy in my life.

As President Hinckley once said:
Anyone who imagines that bliss is the normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey...delays...sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.
I think he was teaching part of it is managing our own expectations, and part of it is enjoying what we have and being thankful.

So much of it is all in our minds and what we focus on and place meaning towards things.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

Minyan Man
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Re: What brings you joy?

Post by Minyan Man » 22 Jul 2020, 08:29

Is there anything about church that brings you joy?

This is my short list:
- Jesus Christ - I find joy when we focus on the basic teachings of Jesus. It doesn't seem to happen all that often.

- Focus on family - I find joy in the belief that families are the basic unit of the church.

- Family History - I find joy in the idea that we are all connected. One universal family.

- Service Work - I find joy helping others. Maybe it's my own ego of feeling important or "doing unto others". The Church is unique (IMO)
when it comes offering opportunities to be of service. Both to members & the community at large.

- Friendships - I find joy in the friendships that we've developed over the years with members of the church. Good friends are rare & a blessing
in our lives. It can be difficult to develop a good relationship. Then again, there are people you meet once & know: this could last a long time.

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nibbler
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Re: What brings you joy?

Post by nibbler » 22 Jul 2020, 09:08

What brings me joy?

When I accomplish something I've worked hard at achieving. Could be an assignment at work, could be making progress related to a hobby.

A cool night in early fall with a light breeze that makes the leaves on the trees rustle.

Having money left over after the bills are all paid.

Making fun of movies.

Mountains Gandalf.

A good joke.

Solitude.
Cure sometimes, treat often, comfort always.
— Hippocrates

AmyJ
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Re: What brings you joy?

Post by AmyJ » 22 Jul 2020, 09:13

Minyan Man wrote:
22 Jul 2020, 08:29
Is there anything about church that brings you joy?
This is not an easy question to answer, but worth thinking about. I am still in a phase where I am trying to figure out what I actually get from the church, and what I can and/or feel inspired to return.

People - there are some people in our branch who have touched my life in a few different ways and provided support at different times.
Word of Wisdom - Substance Abuse Avoidance - I had the opportunity this week to lay out the mental health history of my family (which is equal parts despair and resilience). I am grateful for the teaching of the Word of Wisdom that insisted on avoiding substance abuse as a key tenet - we have avoided literally years of even more pain and improved the outlook for our children by improving the environment they grew up in.

Select General Conference Talks - key talks by Presidents Utchdorf, Holland, Dew, and Eubanks have shaped my life for the better and given me peace/courage and acceptance.

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Heber13
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Re: What brings you joy?

Post by Heber13 » 22 Jul 2020, 14:27

Minyan Man wrote:
22 Jul 2020, 08:29
Is there anything about church that brings you joy?
...
- Service Work - I find joy helping others. Maybe it's my own ego of feeling important or "doing unto others". The Church is unique (IMO)
when it comes offering opportunities to be of service. Both to members & the community at large.
I would say that part of church...the connection with others and the opportunity to help from time to time.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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