I also agree with Heber and Dande.
Part of the benefits of my personal membership is the heritage of being part of a multi-generational Mormon family. This is an added benefit for me because all the cousins have shared experiences and milestones and this helps to ground my children with a sense of belonging. This benefit would not be available for a first in the family convert for example.
I have also said that if any of my children came out as gay I would stop attending as a show of solidarity with them. This would swing the cost benefit analysis for me.
Heber13 wrote: ↑
22 Nov 2018, 23:29
Happiness doesn't come from others in church talking great about you, or the absence of them talking negatively behind closed doors.
I do not care much what might be said about my struggling faith. For the most part I do not look for approval or validation at church. The YW leaders seem generally interested in the wellbeing of my 12 year old daughter - which I appreciate. My 11 year old son has a Sunday School teacher that has known DS for many years and has always been kind to him (despite DS's quirks and sometimes cold ASD exterior). The RS president always remembers the anniversary of the date we lost our third child and brings something over. The EQ generally leaves me alone. I am a big boy with broad shoulders. If enduring some people talking in a patronizing fashion about me behind closed doors is part of the exchange then I am willing to make the trade.
However, It is very important to me that my wife admire and respect the effort I put in as husband and father. Because I feel that admiration and respect from DW, I am mostly able to ignore any tut-tutting that may be coming from church members. (As an example I work in management and I work most Sundays. One Sunday another man made the point that I could fix my work schedule to have Sunday off if I really wanted to. I countered that business is busier on Sundays and I work according to business needs and he responded that this is still a choice. I am mostly able to ignore this man's disapproval as irrelevant to my journey.)
Related to this point, if I felt constant diapointment from DW over my unorthodoxy - this would be a heavy burden for me.
Each of us have our own cost benefit analysis and I fully respect any that may need to step away.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood
“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223
"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13