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I told him about my unorthodox views -- and he agreed

Posted: 13 Jun 2015, 23:33
by SilentDawning
Interesting convo with my TBM daughter. She is in a phase where a lot of LDS guys are interested in her...some going on missions...they can be in other states and still have friendship due to face-timing on their cell phones.

She told me she spoke to one uber-orthodox LDS young man leaving on his mission that she has "unorthodox views".

1. That it's no crime to attend the ward you don't live in. She has to do what makes her happy, and that may mean flying in the face of church policy.
2. That the church isn't perfect, and neither are the people.

And he said ...he agreed.

It was interesting, and a bit fulfilling how my daughter embraces "unorthodox perspectives". These are fairly tame, but they show parental influence...and she still wants the temple...:)

Re: I told him about my unorthodox views -- and he agreed

Posted: 14 Jun 2015, 10:21
by Roy
I love that your daughter is crafting her own identity. She is not afraid of her world being slightly different then yours and now it seems is not afraid of it being slightly different than the church's. From previous posts she is also not afraid to stand up to pressure from a male potential romantic partner. Sounds like she is getting to know herself and make possitive choices about what she wants out of life. I believe that this ability will serve her well. :thumbup:

Re: I told him about my unorthodox views -- and he agreed

Posted: 14 Jun 2015, 10:42
by SilentDawning
Roy wrote:I love that your daughter is crafting her own identity. She is not afraid of her world being slightly different then yours and now it seems is not afraid of it being slightly different than the church's. From previous posts she is also not afraid to stand up to pressure from a male potential romantic partner. Sounds like she is getting to know herself and make possitive choices about what she wants out of life. I believe that this ability will serve her well. :thumbup:
Those are all true things. Adding to this, she was bullied a while ago in the church and it made a very damaging, and at the time, seemingly permanent impression on her. I paid for counseling which she reported, really helped.

After she gained confidence by going to a different Ward and making some really, really good friends with very exemplary youth, bullying started happening at school. She and a friend went to the administration and complained, which led to a no-contact agreement between her and the offending boy. She came home telling me how empowered she felt to take matters into her own hands and shut this bully down.

She also explained how disappointed she was in a friend of hers that was present when the bullying happened -- and he stood by and did nothing. This led to a face to face meeting where he apologized (this non-bullying, bystander of the bully).

She has an "i"m not taking this anymore" attitude. Which is a far cry from the timid, somewhat insecure tween and teenager of two years ago before we started attending the Ward of our choice, and not the one to which we belong.

I feel now, that the church has so little power over my life right now. The biggest lever they have is shutting me out of the temple when my daughter goes there for endowments or marriage. Beyond that, I feel I have made the transition to being in the church, but not of the church.

Re: I told him about my unorthodox views -- and he agreed

Posted: 14 Jun 2015, 15:15
by startpoor
:)


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Re: I told him about my unorthodox views -- and he agreed

Posted: 15 Jun 2015, 13:31
by Sheldon
SilentDawning wrote: She told me she spoke to one uber-orthodox LDS young man leaving on his mission that she has "unorthodox views".

1. That it's no crime to attend the ward you don't live in. She has to do what makes her happy, and that may mean flying in the face of church policy.
2. That the church isn't perfect, and neither are the people.

And he said ...he agreed.

OK, I don't want to sound sexist here but when I was a teenager, I would have agreed with anything any good looking young lady said to get in her good graces. Brother uber-orthodox could be letting his hormones speak for him......

Re: I told him about my unorthodox views -- and he agreed

Posted: 15 Jun 2015, 14:25
by Roy
Sheldon wrote:OK, I don't want to sound sexist here but when I was a teenager, I would have agreed with anything any good looking young lady said to get in her good graces. Brother uber-orthodox could be letting his hormones speak for him......
I do not disagree with you Sheldon. Beautiful woman goes to another ward to make her happy and I really want her to be happy - so yeah! go for it! :P

Fortunately the young man is not the focal point in the story. The focal point is that the daughter is growing into her own and gaining confidence expressing and defending her views.

Re: I told him about my unorthodox views -- and he agreed

Posted: 15 Jun 2015, 15:45
by LookingHard
Roy wrote:
Sheldon wrote:OK, I don't want to sound sexist here but when I was a teenager, I would have agreed with anything any good looking young lady said to get in her good graces. Brother uber-orthodox could be letting his hormones speak for him......
I do not disagree with you Sheldon. Beautiful woman goes to another ward to make her happy and I really want her to be happy - so yeah! go for it! :P
I had the same thought! :-)

I was about to respond with, "your daughter must be good looking!", but I wasn't sure if that was going to come off wrong. I am there with Roy. If a good looking girl would even talk with me I was putty.

Re: I told him about my unorthodox views -- and he agreed

Posted: 15 Jun 2015, 16:15
by SilentDawning
She's attractive, yes, but I agree with the assessment of Roy that she is being open about what she believes, and relating to the church on her own terms. Even when it may mean alienating a young man, whose father is a Bishop, who is about to leave on a mission, and for whom she has warm feelings.

Re: I told him about my unorthodox views -- and he agreed

Posted: 16 Jun 2015, 02:57
by LookingHard
SilentDawning wrote:She's attractive, yes, but I agree with the assessment of Roy that she is being open about what she believes, and relating to the church on her own terms. Even when it may mean alienating a young man, whose father is a Bishop, who is about to leave on a mission, and for whom she has warm feelings.
Good for her - and being good looking and dealing with the world on your own terms are not mutually exclusive. At least for me the first half of the equation is impossible (with plastic surgery I guess all things are possible). I have only started really dealing with the world on my own terms.