Humor: A New Mormon Dictionary

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hawkgrrrl
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Humor: A New Mormon Dictionary

Post by hawkgrrrl » 08 Oct 2013, 09:07

Because "if you don't laugh, you cry," here's what we really mean when we say certain words and phrases at church: http://www.wheatandtares.org/12866/mormon-jargon/

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Life_Journey_of_Matt
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Re: Humor: A New Mormon Dictionary

Post by Life_Journey_of_Matt » 08 Oct 2013, 09:47

So good. Thanks for sharing!
"So oft in theologic wars / The disputants, I ween, / Rail on in utter ignorance / Of what each other mean / And prate about an Elephant / Not one of them has seen." -- from "The Blind Men and the Elephant" by John Godfrey Saxe

"The faith that stands on authority is not faith. The reliance on authority measures the decline of religion, the withdrawal of the soul." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

My ongoing story: http://precariousironrod.com/

Curt Sunshine
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Re: Humor: A New Mormon Dictionary

Post by Curt Sunshine » 08 Oct 2013, 10:26

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

Roy
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Re: Humor: A New Mormon Dictionary

Post by Roy » 08 Oct 2013, 14:41

Love it! I want this on my refrigerator - where I can look at it when I am aroused and have it classified as porn. :twisted:
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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GodisLove
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Re: Humor: A New Mormon Dictionary

Post by GodisLove » 09 Oct 2013, 06:53

HILARIOUS!
Not one Sparrow is forgotten
E'en the raven God will feed
And the lily of the valley
From His bounty hath its need

Then shall I not trust Thee, Father
In Thy mercy have a share?
And through faith and prayer, my Mother
Merit Thy protecting care?
Shaker Hymnal 1908

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SilentDawning
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Re: Humor: A New Mormon Dictionary

Post by SilentDawning » 09 Oct 2013, 17:15

I loved this one:
Satan’s plan (n.) a devious strategy proposed by the evil one to force obedience and guarantee that all will be saved, in complete contrast to today’s church culture which does the same without such guarantees.
I realize this is meant to be a joke, so don't take me seriously -- I don't really believe this! :lol:
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

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nibbler
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Re: Humor: A New Mormon Dictionary

Post by nibbler » 19 Nov 2013, 12:37

Haha. Bump for making my day. :clap:
Cure sometimes, treat often, comfort always.
— Hippocrates

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SamBee
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Re: Humor: A New Mormon Dictionary

Post by SamBee » 21 Nov 2013, 08:04

eminem = munch n mingle
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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SamBee
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Re: Humor: A New Mormon Dictionary

Post by SamBee » 21 Nov 2013, 08:57

* Anti-Mormon - sort of like antimatter- when Mormons and AntiMormons get together it all blows up
* Endure to the End - Buy now, pay later
* Family History - The process whereby two people of the same name in different counties get one baptism
* Follow the Prophet - keep a whole load of cultural traditions no prophet has uttered
* Interview - Confession time
* Investigator - Non member friend who hasn't expressed hostility to your beliefs
* Israel - Territory in Middle East (of America), ie Rockies
* Obey - Don't employ your free agency see also "Keep the Commandments"
* the Prophet - Thomas S. Monson, peace be upon him.
* Priesthood - group in which subjects of interest to men only are discussed eg sex, drugs, football, beer and keggers, adultery, girlfriends etc
* Relief - deep sense of peace felt when men's wives go off to their
meeting
* Women - people who do most of the work, and least of the callings
* YSA - There's a Village People joke in here somewhere
* Young Women - Ladies in Waiting
* Zion - War ridden territory in Middle East, inhabited by Jewish Poles and Russians, and wanted back by Arabs of other persuasions
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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