*Slight rant*

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Princess Tiefling
Posts: 5
Joined: 07 Aug 2011, 21:38

*Slight rant*

Post by Princess Tiefling » 10 Aug 2011, 11:07

My Best friend asked if she could come over later in the week, and I told her sure, but the day she chose the Missionary's were coming over (just as a heads up, since shes an atheist/baptist) and she replied with "I know that is your faith, but I just either slam the **** door, or dont answer, your a brainwashed Morbot! and went home..

I understand she was having a bad day. But still attacking me over a warning hurt. I really dont know how I will face her now. My view of her is so different. I love her, shes my best friend but OUCH!

I know me going to church and being faithful and promoting marriage is not something she understands she wont understand why I REFUSE to take heavy duty pain killers for my back and belittles me for my modesty when we went wedding gown shopping..

*sigh*

Very sorry for ranting I needed to vent! :oops:

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SilentDawning
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Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Re: *Slight rant*

Post by SilentDawning » 10 Aug 2011, 11:31

I have a friend of two decades now. We have had bumps in the road over my contrarion ideas about our religion. He is TBM, a former bishop, and at times we have had disagreements where he says I have offended him. Some of his comments which place full onus for all problems I have experienced on my shoulders, with no accountability for anyone in the official Church heirarchy. It is downright maddening.

In those cases, one of us has always gone to other and tried to rebuild the bridge, and the offer has always been accepted. Such is the nature of solid friendships built to last. So, my hope is that if this relationship is of value to you, you will have a frank conversation about the impact her harsh statements had on you. Hopefully she will apologize and handle that topic with grace and tact in the future.

If not, then I personally would drop that friendship. I would still show kindness and respect in any remaining interactions, but frankly, when people behave with that level of disrespect, I think it's time to move on to some new friends if open communication doesn't restore trust.

Frankly, based on the details here, all I can is say to your friend is "shame on you" for being so disrespectful.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

Brown
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Joined: 28 Feb 2011, 01:23

Re: *Slight rant*

Post by Brown » 10 Aug 2011, 22:50

I imagine she is having some internal faith struggles of her own, given that she is an atheist baptist and all. :)

Assuming she was being serious, I would probably tell your friend she needs to chill out and let you do your thing. If she can't, then she is not much of a friend.

Princess Tiefling
Posts: 5
Joined: 07 Aug 2011, 21:38

Re: *Slight rant*

Post by Princess Tiefling » 11 Aug 2011, 10:06

I havent talked or texted her in a day or so.. I needed some breathing room. Im going to tell her that if she cant respect my faith/beliefs, we have serious issues in our friendship. I dont expect her to understand. But I do expect her not to pick everything in the LDS faith apart to make me feel stupid.

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Tom Haws
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Location: Gilbert, Arizona, USA
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Re: *Slight rant*

Post by Tom Haws » 14 Aug 2011, 07:41

Can you tell her you don't yourself accept the whole LDS religion hook, line, and sinker, and you'd be happy to hear her thoughts about religion any time?
Tom (aka Justin Martyr/Justin Morning/Jacob Marley/Kupord Maizzed)
Higley and Guadalupe
Gilbert, Arizona
----
Sure, any religion would do. But I'm LDS.
"There are no academic issues. Everything is emotional to somebody." Ray Degraw at www.StayLDS.com

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SilentDawning
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Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Re: *Slight rant*

Post by SilentDawning » 14 Aug 2011, 07:57

Princess Tiefling wrote:I havent talked or texted her in a day or so.. I needed some breathing room. Im going to tell her that if she cant respect my faith/beliefs, we have serious issues in our friendship. I dont expect her to understand. But I do expect her not to pick everything in the LDS faith apart to make me feel stupid.
I would avoid an ultimatum. It puts her in a position to decide -- do I want this relationship or don't I? I know that is an underlying issue, but I would be more inclined to extend the olive branch and open discussion about the problem with a view to solving it. Don't put the broken relationship out in the forefront. An ultimatum when someone is already ticked off may well lead to them choosing to break the relationship. I would use a different approach.

First, do it in person. After you've had enough spaec, ask if you can get together to talk about what happened, that the relationship is important to you, and that you would like to talk to her about it. Cite something positive about the relationship to show you mean it.

If she refuses to meet with you, then...the ball is in her court. Leave it alone until she reaches out to you, if she ever does.

If she meets with you, then, there is a process you can follow that I think could lead to a positive outcome...it starts with trying to understand why she behaved the way she did. It will mean listening openly to any offenses that she may say you have committed, without getting defensive -- just listening. It will mean talking about those things for a while even though you too were wronged. You might have to apologize for something you didn't realize you did. Then, after all the air is out of her balloon, it will be your turn to describe your concerns.

At this point, I like to use the old "In this situation, I feel this way, and then such and such happens" structure of sharing concerns. Describe the behavior objectively, it's impact on you, and then some physical result. Try to use the passive tense or third party pronouns. Rather than "When YOU do this", say "When people do such and such.....".

For example "When people speak about my religion that way, I feel as though there is no interest in our friendship or even respect for me as a person, and then I go into withdrawal". Let her react to the feelings you have. If she makes it all your fault and invalidates you, and is not open to seeing how her behavior might have affected you, then you may have to find a way to bring the conversation to a soft landing and exit, and then stop contacting her. If she apologizes, you may end up with better feelings and a better future.

Ultimately, the gospel is about relationships, and I think you should consider modelling that focus in trying to resolve this. Also, remember the old maxim:

"You should always be a little nicer than you think the other person deserves". I've never regretted being too nice as I stand firm.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

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