Princess Tiefling wrote:I havent talked or texted her in a day or so.. I needed some breathing room. Im going to tell her that if she cant respect my faith/beliefs, we have serious issues in our friendship. I dont expect her to understand. But I do expect her not to pick everything in the LDS faith apart to make me feel stupid.
I would avoid an ultimatum. It puts her in a position to decide -- do I want this relationship or don't I? I know that is an underlying issue, but I would be more inclined to extend the olive branch and open discussion about the problem with a view to solving it. Don't put the broken relationship out in the forefront. An ultimatum when someone is already ticked off may well lead to them choosing to break the relationship. I would use a different approach.
First, do it in person. After you've had enough spaec, ask if you can get together to talk about what happened, that the relationship is important to you, and that you would like to talk to her about it. Cite something positive about the relationship to show you mean it.
If she refuses to meet with you, then...the ball is in her court. Leave it alone until she reaches out to you, if she ever does.
If she meets with you, then, there is a process you can follow that I think could lead to a positive outcome...it starts with trying to understand why she behaved the way she did. It will mean listening openly to any offenses that she may say you have committed, without getting defensive -- just listening. It will mean talking about those things for a while even though you too were wronged. You might have to apologize for something you didn't realize you did. Then, after all the air is out of her balloon, it will be your turn to describe your concerns.
At this point, I like to use the old "In this situation, I feel this way, and then such and such happens" structure of sharing concerns. Describe the behavior objectively, it's impact on you, and then some physical result. Try to use the passive tense or third party pronouns. Rather than "When YOU do this", say "When people do such and such.....".
For example "When people speak about my religion that way, I feel as though there is no interest in our friendship or even respect for me as a person, and then I go into withdrawal". Let her react to the feelings you have. If she makes it all your fault and invalidates you, and is not open to seeing how her behavior might have affected you, then you may have to find a way to bring the conversation to a soft landing and exit, and then stop contacting her. If she apologizes, you may end up with better feelings and a better future.
Ultimately, the gospel is about relationships, and I think you should consider modelling that focus in trying to resolve this. Also, remember the old maxim:
"You should always be a little nicer than you think the other person deserves". I've never regretted being too nice as I stand firm.
