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Re: Thank you. :)

Posted: 13 Mar 2015, 00:13
by Harmony
Thank you for sharing your journey thus far. So many of us have traveled a similar journey, and it is a painful and confusing one. I see things in a completely different light than I used to, and my interest in church events is waning all the time. I think it is bold of you to state your feelings on line. I hope that you don't have Myriads of people coming to your rescue.


Re: Thank you. :)

Posted: 13 Mar 2015, 06:42
by LookingHard
silentstruggle wrote:My wife and I have had our church foundation break into very fine dust for a number of reasons. We are 50+ years old and lifers in the church, from five generation LDS families. We served in all the callings, up to and including bishopric and RS presidencies. I served a mission. We married in the temple. The whole deal.

I would just say, it's not easy, BUT, we have succeeded in putting things back together in a way that has made us happier than we ever remember as active members, in a way that has pulled my wife out of a life of repression due to cultural and family norms for female roles and helped her deal with lifelong problems of depression and anxiety in a way that we never thought possible within the context of church activity. Along with that comes the unfamiliar territory of learning to accept unknowns and unknowables, and still be happy. And stronger. And having the ability to see things without the LDS lens distorting things. In that context of uncertainty, there is a great freedom in truly charting your own course.

My message would be not to despair. The old chapter closing means a new one is opening, and opening up the mind and improving critical thinking skills can help you see bright new horizons that you never before thought possible.
I almost wonder if the struggle and working through the tough issues IS what the Lord wants us to work through. But then I think 5 minutes later that this is the equivalent of those tests where they say "read all questions first" and then there is one question late in the test that says, "ignore everything else and just sit there." Kind of a big huge trick - don't listen to EXACTLY what the church leaders say.

Re: Thank you. :)

Posted: 13 Mar 2015, 07:00
by SunbeltRed
Thanks for sharing your story. Glad you are here!

Re: Thank you. :)

Posted: 13 Mar 2015, 12:35
by Ann
Hi, Cordelia - Glad you're here. :wave:

Cordelia_Cox wrote:
You know the most confusing part of all of this? I don’t feel like I’m being led astray.
That is my sense of it, too. There are parts of my psyche that are healthier than they've ever been.

I’ve been praying and praying to know what to do. With this decision (to step away from activity in the church) I feel peace, I feel I am doing the right thing. More specifically, I have prayed in tears, confessing to God how I feel about the Church. I admitted that I don’t believe Joseph Smith was a prophet and that the Book of Mormon isn’t what he said it was. Instead of pleading to feel better about the church and try to make it work, I just admitted that I’m ready to move on, that I would take some things I’ve learned that I still treasure. I admitted I was wary of absolutes, but that I wanted to continue a relationship with my God even if I didn’t have all or any of the answers. I felt a special feeling of comfort and peace after I expressed the true feelings of my heart.
I had a moment like this, too. These were the most honest and earnest prayers of my life. (I'm staying with the LDS life and happy with my choice so far, but my thinking is very different now.)
I now feel a great amount of inner peace. I don’t have to try and wish away uncomfortable truths anymore to maintain belief. I don’t feel God has abandoned me. If I am wrong about the church, and I very well could be….I believe God will forgive me, because this is so confusing and difficult. I don’t want my daughters to ever feel this way.
My children are a big motivator for me. It's hard to draw the lines between the faith you teach them and the faith they choose.
Thank you for reading this and I hope to have your respect as I have not come to this decision lightly.
Looking forward to hearing more from you. This is a place to come when others might be giving you the dismissive back of the hand. There's a lot of good advice in these threads about the two-way streets "paved" with understanding and respect for family and friends who now believe differently from you.

Re: Thank you. :)

Posted: 13 Mar 2015, 22:32
by LDS_Scoutmaster
Welcome! It is difficult and confusing to follow the spirit sometimes after having a spiritual fc. There are a lot of us that have been there, I think of ray's end tag about seeing through a glass darkly.

Just a quick thought that your story on not playing on sunday, it still applies just as much now as it did then before your fc. People were respectful of your decisions and beliefs and you were of theirs. None of that should change. Welcome again!

Re: Thank you. :)

Posted: 14 Mar 2015, 13:56
by SilentDawning
Welcome. I think most of his have felt the mourning, and confusion, and many have had to figure out how to navigate post-orthodoxy with friends and family. Welcome to the forum. I hope you'll determine a way to keep your membership intact while still carving out your own way in the church, as many of us have done. Looking forward to the topics you start here.

Re: Thank you. :)

Posted: 15 Mar 2015, 06:43
by NewLight
Hi Cordelia_Cox,

Welcome to the StayLDS forum and I am glad you you reached a point to feel comfortable enough to introduce yourself. I can say nothing but good about the folks who post here – it's a positive, thoughtful place and they helped me out immensely as I was going through the anger I personally felt as I was learning the truth about the whitewashed history the church championed and taught. I'm in my 50s and all of this has been within the last few years for me too – I share your feelings and view that the Church has a truth crisis. I am glad to see that changing though, through the release of the essays (although it can be effectively argued that comments in those still suffer from a truth crisis). I am a bit disappointed that it has taken the power of Google and the information age to encourage more honesty from the church, but at the same time, I welcome the small steps they are taking – I cannot imagine how difficult it is to steer an organization so large and diverse.

Hang in there – this is a tough time. I have personally noticed that individuals who think in black and white when it comes to church have a much more difficult and emotionally turbulent time with learning the issues than someone who thinks in grays like I do. As you have defined yourself as one of the black and white thinkers and from reading your comments it seems very exhausting for you now. Just know that there are people in this forum who care about you and what you are going through.