I have my good days and my bad days.

[Captain Conundrum]

On my bad days - when I am tired of doing mental gymnastics and all of cognitive dissonance that comes with it - I would probably part ways with my religion. (Sorry for the cliches)
On my good days - I still want to be with my people. Also, I need a place and a system to help me raise my 7 kids under the age of 12. This place worked or me. I am who I am today because of my religion. Also, my wife is happy here. I think our religion is good for her too. She thrives in it.
Constant cost/benefit analysis's have to been done - almost on a daily basis.
I really enjoy this site - I have been a lurker here for a long time. It is great to have a place where challenging topics can be addressed without the correlated spin. Or the judgmental-ism that is sometimes so prevalent in our culture.
If I am in this for the long run, I will need to be able to talk to other people that are "like me" - in order to maintain my mental sanity. CC

[wayfarer]

welcome.

given you have seven children and a believing wife, I'm not sure you can easily leave the tent. It's your culture, and it's the framework whereby your wife will bring up your family, and there is value in unity.

I was basically there with you 20 years ago with five children (now all grown). Although I nominally stayed in the church, I strayed intellectually onto a spiritual journey that literally has taken me around the world. Although I'm in the DC area for the holidays, I basically live and work in Asia and Europe. In this travel, I have had the chance to try out all the major religions and I've sort of acquired some souvenirs along the way -- unorthodox beliefs that enable me to realize god in my own way.

I've come back, emotionally, to the church to a limited extent. Like you say, it's my people, and my tribe. I have come to realize that i can do more good staying in the tent than selfishly leaving it for my own peace of mind. Yes, it's harder to deal with cog-dis, but once I defined my own statement of belief I was able to sort out what in the church doesn't fit for me and what does. I anchor on what fits, and leave the rest behind. That's how I cope.

The journey isn't easy, but I would not have it any other Way.

welcome.

[Minyan Man]

Welcome aboard Captain.
My only advise would to be cautious. If you decide to leave, do it on your own terms when you are absolutely ready.
I will be interested to hear your journey.

Mike from Milton.

[Curt Sunshine]

Frankly, based on what you said in your intro, I would beg you not to leave. As wayfarer said, carve out your own place with your own articles of faith, and live by that within the Church. That's what I've been doing for the past 40 years, and I have found true peace in that path.

I am dashing to church, so I don't have more time right now. Glad to have you here.

[Brian Johnston]

Welcome aboard Captain,

Glad to have you step into the light of the bonfire and join the conversation. Feel free to start up any conversations about what you need to talk about. I've been in a similar place too with all the kids and needing/wanting a support network.

[Roy]

Welcome CC,

No man is an island. We are social creatures. Part of that means that it is really hard for most people to figure out who they are and what they believe in a vacuum. (This has lots of different applications from social groups and religions, to families and birth order.) StayLDS for me has been a safe place where I can talk things out and figure out where I fit in to society without burning bridges to the mainland (another reference to the island metaphor).

I look forward to learning from your perspectives.

[Captain Conundrum]

Thanks for the kind advice guys. CC

[On Own Now]

I have raised children in the Church after losing my faith. Same reasons as you. One thing I would encourage you on is that at some point, you have to tell your kids that you don't believe. I kept it a secret too long, and it was a cause of too many "bad days". I got some good advice from a psychologist that said that secrets in a family are destructive. When I finally sat down with each of my kids, it was a relief. I told them I didn't believe, but that I supported their faith. I didn't go into reasons why I don't believe, because my purpose wasn't to try to pull them away from the Church. I was pleased with their response, which was an outpouring of love. Turns out, they don't love me any less. Part of my supporting their faith is being involved with the Church, though in an admittedly limited fashion, compared to my old days. My kids were all different ages when we had this conversation. I can't recommend a specific age. Old enough to have maturity to choose for themselves might be a good way to look at it, but I think that's got to be up to each individual case.

Key in all this is that the Church provides a great environment and community. That's a lot to give up. I'm happy with the choices my kids have made; If faith and membership in the Church enriches their lives (as it has), then who am I to stop it?

PS. I still have bad days, too. I venture to guess that we all do. But I have many more good days.

[hawkgrrrl]

CC - Glad to have you on the site. I really appreciated your intro. Looking forward to your insights.

[Captain Conundrum]

I am still here spinning my wheels. Like I said before I have my good days and my bad days. Lately it seems like it is about half and half.
This is a good quote that helps me to see the bigger picture.
"Our heavenly Father is more liberal in His views, and boundless in His mercies and blessings, than we are ready to believe or receive." -- Joseph Smith