I have my good days and my bad days.

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
Captain Conundrum
Posts: 12
Joined: 10 Dec 2011, 00:59

I have my good days and my bad days.

Post by Captain Conundrum » 08 Jan 2012, 04:31

On my bad days - when I am tired of doing mental gymnastics and all of cognitive dissonance that comes with it - I would probably part ways with my religion. (Sorry for the cliches)
On my good days - I still want to be with my people. Also, I need a place and a system to help me raise my 7 kids under the age of 12. This place worked or me. I am who I am today because of my religion. Also, my wife is happy here. I think our religion is good for her too. She thrives in it.
Constant cost/benefit analysis's have to been done - almost on a daily basis.
I really enjoy this site - I have been a lurker here for a long time. It is great to have a place where challenging topics can be addressed without the correlated spin. Or the judgmental-ism that is sometimes so prevalent in our culture.
If I am in this for the long run, I will need to be able to talk to other people that are "like me" - in order to maintain my mental sanity. :smile: CC

User avatar
Posts: 1335
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 15:59
Location: in ye olde world

Re: I have my good days and my bad days.

Post by wayfarer » 08 Jan 2012, 06:28


given you have seven children and a believing wife, I'm not sure you can easily leave the tent. It's your culture, and it's the framework whereby your wife will bring up your family, and there is value in unity.

I was basically there with you 20 years ago with five children (now all grown). Although I nominally stayed in the church, I strayed intellectually onto a spiritual journey that literally has taken me around the world. Although I'm in the DC area for the holidays, I basically live and work in Asia and Europe. In this travel, I have had the chance to try out all the major religions and I've sort of acquired some souvenirs along the way -- unorthodox beliefs that enable me to realize god in my own way.

I've come back, emotionally, to the church to a limited extent. Like you say, it's my people, and my tribe. I have come to realize that i can do more good staying in the tent than selfishly leaving it for my own peace of mind. Yes, it's harder to deal with cog-dis, but once I defined my own statement of belief I was able to sort out what in the church doesn't fit for me and what does. I anchor on what fits, and leave the rest behind. That's how I cope.

The journey isn't easy, but I would not have it any other Way.

Last edited by wayfarer on 08 Jan 2012, 08:34, edited 1 time in total.
"Those who speak don't know, those who know don't speak." Lao Tzu.
My seat in the bloggernacle: http://wayfaringfool.blogspot.com

Minyan Man
Posts: 2000
Joined: 15 Sep 2011, 13:40

Re: I have my good days and my bad days.

Post by Minyan Man » 08 Jan 2012, 07:05

Welcome aboard Captain.
My only advise would to be cautious. If you decide to leave, do it on your own terms when you are absolutely ready.
I will be interested to hear your journey.

Mike from Milton.

Curt Sunshine
Site Admin
Posts: 16850
Joined: 21 Oct 2008, 20:24

Re: I have my good days and my bad days.

Post by Curt Sunshine » 08 Jan 2012, 08:05

Frankly, based on what you said in your intro, I would beg you not to leave. As wayfarer said, carve out your own place with your own articles of faith, and live by that within the Church. That's what I've been doing for the past 40 years, and I have found true peace in that path.

I am dashing to church, so I don't have more time right now. Glad to have you here.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

User avatar
Brian Johnston
Site Admin
Posts: 3500
Joined: 22 Oct 2008, 06:17
Location: Washington DC

Re: I have my good days and my bad days.

Post by Brian Johnston » 09 Jan 2012, 06:45

Welcome aboard Captain,

Glad to have you step into the light of the bonfire and join the conversation. Feel free to start up any conversations about what you need to talk about. I've been in a similar place too with all the kids and needing/wanting a support network.
"It's strange to be here. The mystery never leaves you alone." -John O'Donohue, Anam Cara, speaking of experiencing life.

Posts: 6215
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: I have my good days and my bad days.

Post by Roy » 11 Jan 2012, 13:12

Welcome CC,

No man is an island. We are social creatures. Part of that means that it is really hard for most people to figure out who they are and what they believe in a vacuum. (This has lots of different applications from social groups and religions, to families and birth order.) StayLDS for me has been a safe place where I can talk things out and figure out where I fit in to society without burning bridges to the mainland (another reference to the island metaphor).

I look forward to learning from your perspectives.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

Captain Conundrum
Posts: 12
Joined: 10 Dec 2011, 00:59

Re: I have my good days and my bad days.

Post by Captain Conundrum » 18 Jan 2012, 02:03

Thanks for the kind advice guys. CC

User avatar
On Own Now
Posts: 1773
Joined: 18 Jan 2012, 12:45

Re: I have my good days and my bad days.

Post by On Own Now » 19 Jan 2012, 09:36

I have raised children in the Church after losing my faith. Same reasons as you. One thing I would encourage you on is that at some point, you have to tell your kids that you don't believe. I kept it a secret too long, and it was a cause of too many "bad days". I got some good advice from a psychologist that said that secrets in a family are destructive. When I finally sat down with each of my kids, it was a relief. I told them I didn't believe, but that I supported their faith. I didn't go into reasons why I don't believe, because my purpose wasn't to try to pull them away from the Church. I was pleased with their response, which was an outpouring of love. Turns out, they don't love me any less. Part of my supporting their faith is being involved with the Church, though in an admittedly limited fashion, compared to my old days. My kids were all different ages when we had this conversation. I can't recommend a specific age. Old enough to have maturity to choose for themselves might be a good way to look at it, but I think that's got to be up to each individual case.

Key in all this is that the Church provides a great environment and community. That's a lot to give up. I'm happy with the choices my kids have made; If faith and membership in the Church enriches their lives (as it has), then who am I to stop it?

PS. I still have bad days, too. I venture to guess that we all do. But I have many more good days.
- - -
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ― Carl Jung
- - -
"Let us therefore no longer pass judgment on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of another." ― Romans 14:13
- - -

User avatar
Site Admin
Posts: 3537
Joined: 22 Oct 2008, 16:27

Re: I have my good days and my bad days.

Post by hawkgrrrl » 19 Jan 2012, 20:39

CC - Glad to have you on the site. I really appreciated your intro. Looking forward to your insights.

Captain Conundrum
Posts: 12
Joined: 10 Dec 2011, 00:59

Re: I have my good days and my bad days.

Post by Captain Conundrum » 01 Dec 2012, 14:07

I am still here spinning my wheels. Like I said before I have my good days and my bad days. Lately it seems like it is about half and half.
This is a good quote that helps me to see the bigger picture.
"Our heavenly Father is more liberal in His views, and boundless in His mercies and blessings, than we are ready to believe or receive." -- Joseph Smith

Post Reply