New Guy

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
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Brown
Posts: 344
Joined: 28 Feb 2011, 01:23

New Guy

Post by Brown » 01 Mar 2011, 00:02

Just stumbled on this site after a spending a very depressing Sunday wondering how I really feel about my Religion. I talked to my wife about some of my feelings and the next thing I new she was crying and went to bed a couple hours early. I stayed up looking for some support online again, only this time I was lucky to find this site rather than another couple hours at "exmormons" which usually ends in me feeling terrible. It seems like there is a good bunch on this site.

As a little background, I am a lifelong Utahn. Raised in the LDS church by my mom and had a divorced excommunicated father. I was active until the teen years when I got into a lot of trouble. Met and married my wife in my early twenties - she was inactive LDS at the time too. Fast forward 5 years and a couple kids and church is starting to look like a good idea. We worked toward and were sealed in the temple. That was 3 years ago and after the initial honeymoon phase, I have always had what my wife calls a "bad attitude" about church service and attendance. I've slipped pretty far lately and don't really know why. My wife says it because I don't pray or study anymore and she is probably right.

I am very analytical and logical and that it gets me into trouble. I do believe that there is a god and an afterlife, but the rest I have always had a hard time with.

Thanks for listening and I hope to get to know you all.

doug
Posts: 799
Joined: 23 Sep 2010, 07:37

Re: New Guy

Post by doug » 01 Mar 2011, 08:06

Welcome, Brown. I think you have stumbled on to a good place. I spent a little time at some of those 'other' sites and found that they were just too negative for me and left me with a bad feeling. So here I am. My wife cries sometimes too, and it breaks my heart when that happens, so I am trying to make the best of things. I have found the validation from this site to be a great help to keep me from losing my mind.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. -- Mark Twain

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Orson
Site Admin
Posts: 2252
Joined: 22 Oct 2008, 14:44

Re: New Guy

Post by Orson » 01 Mar 2011, 08:13

Welcome! I look forward to hearing more from you too. What's on you mind? What kinds of things get you hung up?
My avatar - both physical and spiritual.

I first found faith, and thought I had all truth. I then discovered doubt, and claimed a more accurate truth. Now I’ve greeted paradox and a deeper truth than I have ever known.

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observant
Posts: 193
Joined: 24 Sep 2010, 14:20

Re: New Guy

Post by observant » 01 Mar 2011, 09:33

Well, staylds seems like a good place for you. It should let you talk about your reservations but also the many good reasons there are to stay. You saw the benefit for your children and it seems that many of us recognize that as a reason to stay. We can that without having animosity. It just doesn't get better than this.
"Some think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go. "~Sylvia Robinson

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mercyngrace
Posts: 517
Joined: 18 Jan 2011, 12:26

Re: New Guy

Post by mercyngrace » 01 Mar 2011, 10:57

Hi Brown :wave:

This place is filled with some wonderfully tolerant and patient people which makes it a great place to express concerns without and receive support. There are lots of good examples here of people who find themselves outside the mainstream of the church or not convinced of all the church's truth claims yet choosing to live as LDS. In just the few weeks since I've started posting, I've enjoyed the feeling of community and experienced less of that "Am I the only one?" feeling. I hope you find that here, too.

MnG
Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little. ~ Luke 7:47

Brown
Posts: 344
Joined: 28 Feb 2011, 01:23

Re: New Guy

Post by Brown » 01 Mar 2011, 13:59

Thanks for the comments everyone, I already feel like part of the group. I've been doing a lot of pondering and reading the past few nights and a real strength for me has been the re-realization that the church is not the gospel and the gospel is not the church. The church is supposed to help us find the gospel, but if it fails, that does not mean the gospel is not true. So unfortunately, I feel lately like I am halfway up mount Everest and realizing that my Sherpa may not have done this before. So do I leave him behind and set out on my own, or do we stick together?

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Heber13
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Posts: 7219
Joined: 22 Apr 2009, 16:37
Location: In the Middle

Re: New Guy

Post by Heber13 » 01 Mar 2011, 16:18

Welcome, Brown. Its good to have another analytical and logical mind in the group. Logically, what things do you think about when you are
Brown wrote:wondering how I really feel about my Religion
?

In response to Oliver Cowdery's experience (see D&C 9), President Snow said:
“It is impossible to advance in the principles of truth, to increase in heavenly knowledge, except we exercise our reasoning faculties and exert ourselves in a proper manner. …

“Although the gift to translate had been conferred, he could not prosecute the work, simply because he failed to exert himself before God with the view of developing the gift within him; and he became greatly disappointed, and the Lord, in his goodness and mercy, informed him of his mistake. …

“So in regard to us, respecting the things which we are undertaking. If we expect to improve, to advance in the work immediately before us, and finally to obtain possession of those gifts and glories, coming up to that condition of exaltation we anticipate, we must take thought and reflect, we must exert ourselves, and that too to the utmost of our ability.” (In Journal of Discourses, 18:371–72.)
In my opinion, embarking on a journey to address the things that bother us about our religion can sometimes be inspired by the Lord to help us to learn and grow. That is part of this mortal experience. Hopefully it is something that will help bring you and your wife closer together when approached with love and compassion.

Maybe it is not important to focus on whether the Sherpa has any flaws, but rather which mountain you're climbing and why. Even if the Sherpa isn't perfect, it might be better qualified than anything else you might come in contact with.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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Brian Johnston
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Joined: 22 Oct 2008, 06:17
Location: Washington DC

Re: New Guy

Post by Brian Johnston » 02 Mar 2011, 06:07

Hi Brown,

Welcome to the community. Thinking too much huh? A lot of us ended up here because of that "addiction" :twisted:
Brown wrote:I feel lately like I am halfway up mount Everest and realizing that my Sherpa may not have done this before. So do I leave him behind and set out on my own, or do we stick together?
:-) That made me smile. It was an amusing way of putting into words that feeling we sometimes have in this journey.
"It's strange to be here. The mystery never leaves you alone." -John O'Donohue, Anam Cara, speaking of experiencing life.

doug
Posts: 799
Joined: 23 Sep 2010, 07:37

Re: New Guy

Post by doug » 02 Mar 2011, 08:39

Brown wrote:I feel lately like I am halfway up mount Everest and realizing that my Sherpa may not have done this before. So do I leave him behind and set out on my own, or do we stick together?
Tell the Sherpa to take a hike.

That may actually be a bit reckless, but I really wanted to say that. Your path is yours alone. It helps to have as much input as possible from those that you respect and trust, either from church leaders, friends or family with whom you can communicate effectively, or books (my personal favorite at the moment), or shadowy people you meet on the internet, but ultimately any spiritual guide can only effectively lead you on his/her path. I think that at some point you have to strike out on your own.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. -- Mark Twain

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