Bishopric Youth Interviews

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
Minyan Man
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Joined: 15 Sep 2011, 13:40

Re: Bishopric Youth Interviews

Post by Minyan Man » 09 Jan 2022, 16:00

Roy wrote:
09 Jan 2022, 11:37
...Once again, bishop felt the need to deviate from the questions as printed both to verify understanding of the words and also to probe about pornography exposure. I do feel that my bishop is trying to perform his calling to the best of his ability. He is a good man. I do not love a system where my children have this yearly interview with the Bishop regardless of their interest on having a temple recommend or going on youth temple trips.
A number of Bishops consider themselves
the Father of the Ward
. Whatever that means. I personally would have a
hard time when the Bishop "deviates". I guess I'm really old because I don't remember my children having Bishop Interviews.

Roy, you're a good example for preparing your children for the interviews.

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nibbler
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Re: Bishopric Youth Interviews

Post by nibbler » 09 Jan 2022, 16:25

Roy wrote:
09 Jan 2022, 12:07
After DS returned home he told his mother that DS had told bishop in the interview that it had been hard attending church because of COVID. Bishop reportedly responded that they have masks and hand sanitizer available so that shouldn't be a problem. Bishop reportedly told DS that he expects DS to come to church.
I'm with your DW on that one. It would have upset me greatly and the bishop and I would have a chat about that.

I don't have the full story but it sounds like your bishop was dismissive of DS's concerns.

Edit:

Also, if he wants your family at church he should be talking to one of the adults in the family, not working on a minor. I know kids probably want to have all the say-so, their input should really matter in family council, but ultimately the safety of the children is up to the parent. The bishop shouldn't be going around the parents.
You can’t run from all your problems, but it will help you lose weight.

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DarkJedi
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Re: Bishopric Youth Interviews

Post by DarkJedi » 10 Jan 2022, 05:39

Minyan Man wrote:
09 Jan 2022, 16:00
Roy wrote:
09 Jan 2022, 11:37
...Once again, bishop felt the need to deviate from the questions as printed both to verify understanding of the words and also to probe about pornography exposure. I do feel that my bishop is trying to perform his calling to the best of his ability. He is a good man. I do not love a system where my children have this yearly interview with the Bishop regardless of their interest on having a temple recommend or going on youth temple trips.
A number of Bishops consider themselves
the Father of the Ward
. Whatever that means. I personally would have a
hard time when the Bishop "deviates". I guess I'm really old because I don't remember my children having Bishop Interviews.

Roy, you're a good example for preparing your children for the interviews.
I agree with MM. In addition to being the "father of the ward" (which I think is a bit of an archaic term but nonetheless pops up) I think some bishops take their "responsibility" as "common judge in Israel" to the nth degree.

I'm glad you followed up with what DS said because I was wondering if the bishop might have dome some similar "follow up" questions as he did with your daughter except that without you present he could have taken more free rein.

A couple things come up there and I might have taken issue with asking the kid about parent/adult's status. I have had my own experience with leaders trying to reach (and guilt) parents (me) through the children.

I don't attend church either, and yes they do have masks and hand sanitizer there. They also have unmasked people there and our ward currently has a serious COVID outbreak. At work I have very strict COVID protocols and we also have an outbreak there - masks and hand sanitizer don't cut it.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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Roy
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Re: Bishopric Youth Interviews

Post by Roy » 15 Jan 2022, 11:22

I agree that Bishop was dismissive of my son's concerns. Unfortunately, we as a family are at a point where we are seen as half-milers/slackers/luke warm etc. Therefore, I believe that our concerns are perceived as excuses. :problem:
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

Roy
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Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Bishopric Youth Interviews

Post by Roy » 20 Jan 2022, 13:20

Another part that I did not mention before is that DD is a part tithe payer and has declared as such at the last 2 years tithing settlements and her recent Bishop Youth Interview. Bishop commits her to become a full tithe payer and then moves on. He has also given her the limited use recommend. I do not think DD cares if she has a TR. It has been the church that is pushing for her to have the annual interview and the TR. However, not caring if she has one and being told that she cannot have one because she is somehow not worthy enough are two very different things. I imagine the later could very well be traumatic and I am therefore thankful that Bishop is not withholding a TR recommend over the partial payment of tithing.

However, I am starting to wonder though how long this can go on like this. This is the third time that DD has committed to start paying a full tithe and this is the third time that she has not done so.

After reading some discussion on another thread I wonder if there may be a solution. If DD were to pay a full tithing on her allowance but not on her earnings from outside the home she could claim that as a full tithe. This would honestly be an increase in the amount that DD currently donates to the church and might just be a compromise that allows her to answer the question in the "correct way."

I know that the church wants her to pay 10% gross of everything but I really do not see DD doing that voluntarily. I'm just thinking of how to move forward and break the stand-off.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

Roy
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Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Bishopric Youth Interviews

Post by Roy » 24 Jan 2022, 09:37

I talked to DD about the option for her to pay a full tithe on her allowance. It is not a large amount but it would be consistent. It might be helpful for establishing the "habit" and it would allow her to declare as a full tithe payer.

I told her that DW and I are proud of her for the contribution that she makes towards the church and also proud of how she stands up for herself in declaring herself as a part tithe payer without shame. However, there may be some discomfort as the bishop always tries to commit her to a full tithe. I told her that I do not want to get to a situation where DD does not want to meet with the bishop anymore due to the discomfort of having the same conversation about tithing.

DD said that she would think about it but that she feels comfortable as a part tithe payer right now. She is a good kid with a good head on her shoulders. DW and I will do our best to give her a solid foundation and also honor her spirit and choices as she builds her own structure.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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DarkJedi
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Re: Bishopric Youth Interviews

Post by DarkJedi » 24 Jan 2022, 11:26

Tithing might be somewhat of a generational thing too. My children are a bit older than yours and grew up in a home where they knew we were full tithe payers. They paid tithing as children/youth as well, although their amounts were small because their increase was small (we believe and taught them that school is their job when they're teenagers). They did have a paper route back when they still had those (both newspapers and routes :D ) and a couple of them worked a couple hours a week as lifeguards at the school pool. As young adults none of them pay tithing, some with no reason and one gives reasons similar to those I shared in another post (basically the church doesn't seem to need any more money to waste and donations could be more helpful elsewhere). One is totally inactive and wants nothing to do with the church.

I think the view of the younger generations is much less rigid regarding tithing. My own view has evolved considerably over the past 10-15 years.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

My Introduction

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LDS_Scoutmaster
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Location: SoCal

Re: Bishopric Youth Interviews

Post by LDS_Scoutmaster » 04 Apr 2022, 10:57

Roy wrote:
15 Jan 2022, 11:22
I agree that Bishop was dismissive of my son's concerns. Unfortunately, we as a family are at a point where we are seen as half-milers/slackers/luke warm etc. Therefore, I believe that our concerns are perceived as excuses. :problem:
We have had similar situations in the past with our children and the ward wanting then to conform. We made compromises, met half way, etc example: DS not trim his curly fro style hair to pass the sacrament when repeatedly asked to cut it (sorry, enjoy it while you've got it). Other DS who is on the spectrum, we agreed to have him transition into not wearing shorts to church in prep for passing sacrament. We stuck to our guns on issues we didn't think we needed to budge on.
The church is here for the people not the other way around, especially since we are a home centered church.
I disagree with our no longer having the services virtual, I think we have less people engaged overall who would be 'attending' if it was still available.

In short, we are with you in the struggle of the individual concerns over the general body of the organized church.
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=6311&start=70#p121051 My last talk

We are all imperfect beings, dealing with other imperfect beings, and we're doing it imperfectly.

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