Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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Mr. Sneelock
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by Mr. Sneelock » 20 Sep 2017, 20:18

Heber13 wrote:
20 Sep 2017, 14:48
Mr. Sneelock wrote:
20 Sep 2017, 10:22
I just want to offer my support. Last year I was in a similar situation: I had gone to the bishop for counsel with private doubts I had been struggling with and he ended up denying me the privilege of confirming my child. It was a major punch to the gut that almost sent me off the deep end. Thankfully I didn't make any rash major decisions and I am just now reaching the point where I can have positive feelings about the church.

Anyway I know at least in part what you are feeling. It really hurts.
Sorry that happened to you Sneelock. It just sucks. There sometimes just isn't much you can do about it. But...it's good to hear you eventually worked through it. What helped you the most to get back to positive feelings? Does time heal wounds, or did you shift any thinking?
For me it has been mostly just a matter of time, as well as setting healthy boundaries for myself (e.g. if a sunday school lesson is triggering me I am allowed to walk out, I can excuse myself when the congregation sings Praise to the Man, I don't have to wear garments if I don't believe in them, etc.). Oh, and getting off of the exmormon subreddit was helpful.
. . . beauty for ashes . . .

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Mr. Sneelock
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by Mr. Sneelock » 20 Sep 2017, 20:20

Roy wrote:
20 Sep 2017, 15:32
Sneelock, Just to verify, your bishop did allow you to baptize but not confirm. Is that correct? The handbook does seem to indicate a higher level or "worthiness" is required for confirmation (although both seem to be at significant discretion from the bishop).

I am sorry regardless.
That is right. He said that I needed to be temple worthy in order to be the voice of the confirmation and he no longer considered me to be temple worthy.
. . . beauty for ashes . . .

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dande48
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by dande48 » 20 Sep 2017, 20:59

DoubtingTom wrote:
20 Sep 2017, 20:03
Thanks to all the well wishes, thoughts, and prayers! My SP said I can go ahead with baptizing and confirming my son, although I may have his grandpa do the confirmation with me still standing in the circle. I am very grateful for all your support!
Congrats, Tom. So happy for you! Here's hoping the Church leadership will lighten up on the terrible sin of disbelief.
"The whole world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel." - Horace Walpole

"Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure."
-Lemony Snicket

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Heber13
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by Heber13 » 21 Sep 2017, 00:23

DoubtingTom wrote:
20 Sep 2017, 20:03
Thanks to all the well wishes, thoughts, and prayers! My SP said I can go ahead with baptizing and confirming my son, although I may have his grandpa do the confirmation with me still standing in the circle. I am very grateful for all your support!
That's great to hear! I hope it goes well for your son and your family. Thanks for sharing Tom!
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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DarkJedi
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by DarkJedi » 21 Sep 2017, 02:15

Great news! I'm glad for you. One of my biggest regrets is not participating in some of these "milestone" events for my own children.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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Curt Sunshine
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by Curt Sunshine » 21 Sep 2017, 13:37

Thank you for letting us know. My heart is happy, although we still have a ways to go.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

Roy
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by Roy » 21 Sep 2017, 15:22

Very happy for you Tom! For me, I find it important to baptize my children and also ordain my son to the priesthood (thus passing on my family priesthood line of authority). I would be ok without doing the temple stuff.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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SunbeltRed
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by SunbeltRed » 22 Sep 2017, 08:27

DT -

I'm glad your SP allowed you to baptize/confirm your son. It's unfortunate the hoops that have to be jumped through to participate sometimes.

Back in the beginning of the year, after multiple conversations with my Bishop, he wouldn't let me bless our new son. He did give me multiple opportunities to express "hope" but it felt disingenuous to my own journey to do so (I'm only saying this because had I expressed your level of faith and willingness to be orthopraxic in my religious practice I think he would have been ecstatic, so I'm surprised your Bishop/SP weren't more willing to work with you up-front).

Anyway, the experience was the catalyst I needed to step away. Unfortunately these milestone might get more difficult in the future, but hopefully your local leadership will be willing to work with you and accept you as you are.

Good luck!

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SilentDawning
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by SilentDawning » 22 Sep 2017, 09:28

Good news! Glad he recanted. Although I would rather you were able to also give the gift of the holy ghost. But sharing the ordinances is something that doesn't create shame, and can be concluded as inclusive of family members and patriarchs.

I am glad you are getting through this -- focus now should be on how to regain their confidence for other ordinances, like ordination to deacon. Navigating the space between doubt and belief is tricky, but it can be done!!
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

DoubtingTom
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by DoubtingTom » 22 Sep 2017, 12:20

SilentDawning wrote:
22 Sep 2017, 09:28
Good news! Glad he recanted. Although I would rather you were able to also give the gift of the holy ghost. But sharing the ordinances is something that doesn't create shame, and can be concluded as inclusive of family members and patriarchs.

I am glad you are getting through this -- focus now should be on how to regain their confidence for other ordinances, like ordination to deacon. Navigating the space between doubt and belief is tricky, but it can be done!!
He did say I could ordain my son as well. But I may let his grandpa do that part anyway. I am glad for now that I can participate at the level I want and feel comfortable with. That may change in the future as I continue to figure out my place.

But I've learned my lesson with being open with leaders. In the future, I will keep these things to myself and be my own guide on how involved I want to be without letting leaders dictate that for me.

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