Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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SilentDawning
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by SilentDawning » 28 Aug 2017, 19:23

hawkgrrrl wrote:
28 Aug 2017, 11:06
6 - paying tithing can be done annually or directly to the COB, so that's truly not relevant. They would have no way of knowing whether you intend to pay it in a lump at the end of the year or directly to the COB. I generally pay via stock transfer to the COB. You can't transfer stocks to the ward. Holding this over your head would reveal their ignorance and nothing more.
One couple who posted here a few years ago indicated the Bishop asked them about tithing and required them to pay it for a while before he would consider letting the husband baptize their son. The wife of the couple titled the post "Creative Ways to Pay Tithing" as a result. So, leaders do ask mid-term, and they have required tithing payments as a symbol of one's commitment to the church for others in DT's situation.

However, the SP doesn't seem to be making this about tithing. He's making this about doubt and apparently, not trusting the Spirit.

I wouldn't raise the tithing thing at this point unless they ask about it.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

Curt Sunshine
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by Curt Sunshine » 28 Aug 2017, 20:30

You have gotten some good advice. I can't add to it. I only can add my heartfelt sorrow for getting the short end of the leadership stick and reiterate that you have the handbook and apostolic statements on your side.

I second the advice to contact your Area Authority. I would express sincere, humble bafflement over why you can't baptize your son, given what the handbook says and the fact that you are an active, dedicated member who is trying to act in faith despite not being able to say you know some things. I would say it feels like faith is being punished and that you are being told you have to know everything to perform baptism - which, obviously, isn't true, since we allow teenagers to do it.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

DoubtingTom
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by DoubtingTom » 20 Sep 2017, 06:11

So tonight's the big night. I'm going in to meet with my SP to see if I'll be allowed to baptize my son. I need to be careful with my words and attitude and not let me get carried away with emotions. I have been trying to harbor as much hope as I can muster and have been willing to act on that hope. I don't have much to offer in terms of current "beliefs." That is where my faith is at right now and hopefully it will be enough for him.

I am still frustrated that I have to go through these hoops but it is my current situation and I have accepted that.

Any last minute advice on how I should approach things tonight?

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LookingHard
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by LookingHard » 20 Sep 2017, 06:34

Wishing you luck.

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Heber13
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by Heber13 » 20 Sep 2017, 08:05

DoubtingTom wrote:
20 Sep 2017, 06:11
I am still frustrated that I have to go through these hoops but it is my current situation and I have accepted that.
TOOOOOOOTALLY normal to have those frustrations. I'm frustrated for you.

I would just compartmentalize as much as you can. Don't worry right now about the dumb hoops you've been having to jump through...and instead...just be in the moment and look ahead with hope and faith that what will happen will be ok. That may mean some kind and humble advocating for your position and what you feel is right and not give in without pushing and asking...but in the end, realizing this whole process is of value to you and your family, and how you handle it matters more than the outcome.

I will pray for you. I really hope you can baptize your son. I really think it could be a bonding ritual. But if not...it will be on the heads of those leaders, and ultimately we move on and deal with it. In the end, it is about your son and he needs to feel good about himself and his covenant to be baptized, however that happens.

You are handling it well. I pray the leaders will do what is right. You're in my prayers.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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Mr. Sneelock
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by Mr. Sneelock » 20 Sep 2017, 10:22

I just want to offer my support. Last year I was in a similar situation: I had gone to the bishop for counsel with private doubts I had been struggling with and he ended up denying me the privilege of confirming my child. It was a major punch to the gut that almost sent me off the deep end. Thankfully I didn't make any rash major decisions and I am just now reaching the point where I can have positive feelings about the church.

Anyway I know at least in part what you are feeling. It really hurts.
. . . beauty for ashes . . .

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LookingHard
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by LookingHard » 20 Sep 2017, 14:45

Welcome Sneelock!

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Heber13
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by Heber13 » 20 Sep 2017, 14:48

Mr. Sneelock wrote:
20 Sep 2017, 10:22
I just want to offer my support. Last year I was in a similar situation: I had gone to the bishop for counsel with private doubts I had been struggling with and he ended up denying me the privilege of confirming my child. It was a major punch to the gut that almost sent me off the deep end. Thankfully I didn't make any rash major decisions and I am just now reaching the point where I can have positive feelings about the church.

Anyway I know at least in part what you are feeling. It really hurts.
Sorry that happened to you Sneelock. It just sucks. There sometimes just isn't much you can do about it. But...it's good to hear you eventually worked through it. What helped you the most to get back to positive feelings? Does time heal wounds, or did you shift any thinking?
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

Roy
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by Roy » 20 Sep 2017, 15:32

Sneelock, Just to verify, your bishop did allow you to baptize but not confirm. Is that correct? The handbook does seem to indicate a higher level or "worthiness" is required for confirmation (although both seem to be at significant discretion from the bishop).

I am sorry regardless.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

DoubtingTom
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Re: Won't let me baptize my son... I might be done

Post by DoubtingTom » 20 Sep 2017, 20:03

Thanks to all the well wishes, thoughts, and prayers! My SP said I can go ahead with baptizing and confirming my son, although I may have his grandpa do the confirmation with me still standing in the circle. I am very grateful for all your support!

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