What if he doesn't release me?

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
Donna
Posts: 82
Joined: 24 Nov 2011, 20:04

Re: What if he doesn't release me?

Post by Donna » 15 Jan 2017, 11:53

Reuben,
I am so glad that your Bishop worked with you and is willing to release you. You are very blessed to have an understanding Bishop.
It is good that you are taking care of yourself and putting your family first.

Donna
Posts: 82
Joined: 24 Nov 2011, 20:04

Re: What if he doesn't release me?

Post by Donna » 15 Jan 2017, 12:06

Silently Dawning,
My Bishop not releasing me had caused a lot of people to be up set with me. I am still in my leadership position according the ward and stake. Even through the Bishop told me that I was to released 2 months I was not even given a thank you.They seem to be forgetting that they are not my employer. They are mad that I asked to be released. I would never have asked to released if people were working together and getting a long. It is like no one cares as long as there is name by the callings. I find it hard to want to be a part of a church that treats members this way.
Thanks for letting me rant.

Old-Timer
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Joined: 21 Oct 2008, 20:24

Re: What if he doesn't release me?

Post by Old-Timer » 15 Jan 2017, 12:40

Donna, I always hurt when I hear of situations like yours. It simply ought not be.

Leadership roulette is real, and I am convinced it is one of the biggest factors in many members' struggles with church attendance. Feeling loved and appreciated are fundamental to being happy as humans, and being understood is not far behind.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

Roy
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Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: What if he doesn't release me?

Post by Roy » 15 Jan 2017, 13:23

Cnsl1 wrote:In contrast, I have family members who've asked to be released, given reasons why, had leaders try to explain to them why those weren't good reasons, how much they were needed, and implored then to post again, pray more, and basically change their mind. That's infuriating.
When my wife gets pregnant she is called as the president of an auxiliary organization. The third time we were hesitant because my wife gets post partum depression and just because we seem to be able to handle the additional burden now, when the baby comes it will be a different story. Our bishop promised us that if my wife would serve faithfully HF would bless our family. We accepted. Fast forward about 6 months...Our baby was stillborn, I had my FC, and our marriage was hanging from a thread.

I do not hold any ill will toward the bishop. Saying things like, "HF will bless you" is pretty standard stuff. However, I have since come to believe that the bishop had no right to speak for God in this matter.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

Old-Timer
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Re: What if he doesn't release me?

Post by Old-Timer » 15 Jan 2017, 16:24

People believing they speak for God is perhaps THE central issue in all of religion, regardless of affiliation.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

Roy
Posts: 6268
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: What if he doesn't release me?

Post by Roy » 15 Jan 2017, 18:57

Old Timer wrote:People believing they speak for God is perhaps THE central issue in all of religion, regardless of affiliation.
I agree, Curt. That is why I am not especially angry at our bishop at the time. He did not know what was going to happen and certainly did not cause it. What he said is pretty tame and typical in LDS communication. Also we felt that we should make bishop aware of our concerns and leave the ultimate decision up to him - so in a way, we were almost asking him to convince us. He said what he needed to reassure us and fill a hole in local church administration.

Some could even make the case that HF DID bless us. We still breath, and our marriage survived, and I am still gainfully employed. Of course, in that overly ambiguous definition of blessings everyone is "blessed" all the time regardless of how good they may be.

Suffice it to say that prior to the stillbirth and my FC, my bishop and I were operating on a certain set of assumptions. My wife and I had a rude awakening that was not anyone's fault.

I do think that it is fair to say that a degree or portion of our shock and pain was at least partly because of how fully we believed in promises such as these that had been made throughout our LDS experience.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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SilentDawning
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Re: What if he doesn't release me?

Post by SilentDawning » 16 Jan 2017, 12:36

Minyan Man wrote:Most companies or organizations have a posting for open positions. Anyone who feels they have an interest & qualifications can apply. Now that I think about it, members would feel like they were competing for positions instead of being "called". They may feel like the Bishop or Stake has favorites. More so than they usual do.
I chuckled when I read the part about competition. If I can respond to this -- in my experience, the short list of people who want to contribute in a volunteer calling are minimal. Those who do, only a few make it through the screening process. Remember, it is ultimately up to the church to decide who they bring on...all I am doing is suggesting making being on the short list voluntary. Plus, the SP's and BP's have favorites anyway. There are many areas where you have to had proven ability or be in a certain family line to get any really significant positions....happens all the time anyway.

I am also saying that I think a better approach is to be a blend of both "invitation" and "voluntary participation". By "invitation", I mean simply asking people to accept callings, but without the bad feelings when people say "no". While at the same time, keeping a list of people who have passions for certain kinds of callings. Go to the passion list first when you have an opening. Don't make it so one-sided where the leaders go down a list and then come up with people they think might do a good job -- consider the needs and wants of the members at the same time.

And also, our church is famous for conditioning the attitudes of members about "obeying leaders", "serving where placed", "never saying "no" to a calling, top down authority, and the list goes on and on. If there were any operational problems inherent in the methods I suggested, I'm sure the GA's and local leaders could come up with lots of new attitude conditioners average members would quote left and right in meetings. And then people would then bear testimony about how wonderful that counsel is and how they were blessed when they obeyed it.
Donna wrote:Silently Dawning,
My Bishop not releasing me had caused a lot of people to be up set with me. I am still in my leadership position according the ward and stake. Even through the Bishop told me that I was to released 2 months I was not even given a thank you.They seem to be forgetting that they are not my employer. They are mad that I asked to be released. I would never have asked to released if people were working together and getting a long. It is like no one cares as long as there is name by the callings. I find it hard to want to be a part of a church that treats members this way.
Thanks for letting me rant.
Same thing happened to me. The leaders, in their slowness, don't seem to get that you are still listed on the website as President so and so, that members still expect you to function in the calling, and if you're like me, you feel an obligation to go full tilt until the release is effected over the pulpit.

It's so wrong. And then to add everyone mad at you. I had a member of the SP who would run like a scared rabbit whenever he would see me. The HC didn't care, claiming ignorance, and the BP had no control, as it was a stake calling. And then I heard a lot of negative things were said about me in meetings for years afterwards.

So, let's cross-reference this to the thread on community -- perhaps we can see the relationship between leader reactions to requests for releases, and the sense of community people seek? Can you really feel like you are part of a community when, in asking to be released, you become this outcast for a time, and even beyond?

That is a major reason why I now serve in the church ON MY OWN TERMS, and not on anyone else's. In my last calling, I insisted on no formal call. The Bishop simply announced the teacher improvement course would run that day, and asked if everyone knew SD -- asked me to stand up in the meeting. And of course, I wasn't there yet (running a bit late), so he didn't even get the near equivalent of a sustaining through that little technique.

So the time will come when someone -- myself or my Bishop will bring this assignment I have to an end. If i don't want to do it anymore, I walk into the Bishop's office, tell him its over (or send an email), and I'm done. No admin to wait on from leaders who may or may not support me in my request. I am in the driver's seat....
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

Donna
Posts: 82
Joined: 24 Nov 2011, 20:04

Re: What if he doesn't release me?

Post by Donna » 16 Jan 2017, 14:16

Silent Dawning
I like your idea of no formal calling. What a smart idea that way are in control of your release if need be. I will remember that if ever get another calling. The Bishop is pretty upset with me for asking to be release. He told me I can't have another calling for a year. I am pretty such that is not in the church hand book. They have now added my e-mail address on the leaders page. No one else in the organization e-mail was added. I did not give them permission to add my e-mail. I know I am dreaming but a
thank for all you do and we appreciate what a good job you have done would be appreciated.
I don't understand why people spend so much time talking about things that are over in meeting. There are so many other positive this to do in life.
I am finding this situation very stressful.

Thank you for sharing you thoughts with us.

Donna
Posts: 82
Joined: 24 Nov 2011, 20:04

Re: What if he doesn't release me?

Post by Donna » 16 Jan 2017, 14:24

MM,

Thanks for making me laugh. I can only imagine someone applying for my calling. I wonder if I should suggest it. LOL

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Reuben
Posts: 466
Joined: 05 Nov 2016, 10:04

Re: What if he doesn't release me?

Post by Reuben » 16 Jan 2017, 14:26

Donna, that's not policy, it's retaliation. You should talk to your stake president ASAP.
My intro

Love before dogma. Truth before loyalty. Knowledge before certainty.

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