I'm going to assume it's about church boundaries...since that's an oft-discussed arena for this site....if I'm wrong about this being the intended question, it may still be of value to others here...
I have a few principles.
1. Stop caring about status in the church
I found I had to to cross a threshold where I no longer cared whether I would have status in the organization. When I decided to set boundaries on the amount of time, resources, or other demands the church could make on me, I had to not care about loss of status. If you care too much about your status (being a stalwart in the ward, getting validation from leaders, getting inclusion kudos from your peers or group you fellow ship -- RS, EQ, HPG), then it becomes easier to assert yourself later. I believe you have to put your personal happiness above all the shoulds regarding "sacrifice", "never saying no to a calling" etcetera and your status in the church.
Remember, if you move into a new stake you can make an instant transformation and get all that back, provided there aren't any influential leaders who knew you in your old stake. Sometimes that can even happen when you shift Wards. So it's never permanent unless your membership record is annotated. And even if you don't move, you can always claim repentance and get some of it back if it's still important to you (I honestly don't care anymore).
When I say I stop caring, I don't mean to broadcast disaffection, I mean internally -- while still caring about your ability to return to a higher level of status (such as TR-holding, or being able to hold a calling requiring a TR) if you choose to in the future.
2. Decide what boundaries you need to set.
There is probably some kind of angst in you that makes you want boundaries. You have to decide what that angst is, and what boundaries to set to quell the angst.
For me, boundaries have to do with the time and money the church expects of me. I've been burned in this regard a few times to the point I have a large hedge around me when it comes to service in the church. Service will have to be on my own terms -- not the church's. There will be no more callings with no end-date, meetings with no agenda [so I can assess if they are a good use of time, including leadership meetings], no more moving -- as I have injured myself too many times. I also have boundaries on what I will tolerate in terms of uncivil behavior, and what kinds of destructive beliefs I will allow the church to0 pass on to my children. I have boundaries on how they are allowed to interact with my son who is not a TBM, but still in the church. And I have boundaries on how much of my time I will allow them to extract from me doing activities with little spiritual or results-related ROI. What boundaries do you need? Each person needs to decide.
3. Pre-empt Boundary-Crossing
When I get the "size-up" from leaders in a new Ward, or new leaders in an existing Ward, I pre-empt their expectations. I go to them before they come to me. I let them know that I am heavily involved in the community, going to school, and other commitments that make it "impossible" to serve in a hefty calling. I am also proactive in dealing with issues before they come up. When my son didn't want the priesthood, I went to the YM leaders to explain. Naturally, they said "this is between you all and the Bishop" [a frustrating statement for me]. I explained that it impacted them to, and that this is what we needed from the church -- I laid it out. There were no problems after that. People kept their distance.
4. Be prepared to defend yourself
I had one situation where our unorthodoxy led to criticism (innuendo that my son was uninterested in the priesthood because prayer and scripture reading was not happening in our home). I countered that if that was the only driver of activity, why was my daughter a TR-holder and fully active, with a YW medallion at 14, sights on BYU and temple marraige, and exemplary Seminary involvement? Are there not multiple reasons for less activity? I was kind but I did assert myself to quell assumptions I felt were invalid.
5. Be Kind and Vague
Roy is good at this -- be kind in your assertions, don't go too deep into the reasons, particularly if you might offend people. But also give vague hope of activity or a return to the kind of Mormonism they expect, without making promises. I had to do this with a Stake President who came to my home (because a GA was coming to the stake, so he wanted some stories to tell). TR came up, and I mentioned "it's not something we feel passionate about right now, but isn't out of the question at some point in the future".
When pressed why, I replied:
"With the number of years you and I have in the church, we've been over every inch of the reasons in favor of a TR. I'm not sure a conversation about it would be enlightening for either of us".
End of conversation...
6. Provide Alternatives
When you are asked to do something, don't just give a flat-out no if you are willing to do something else in its place. They asked me to teach a class on Sunday. I responded that I couldn't teach a class, but if they needed help with putting on social activities, I could do that. "I'm unable to do X, but if you need help with Y, I can assist".
7. Teach and Train
Perhaps because I'm a teacher, I sort of enjoy indirectly teaching the leadership to adopt different attitudes. As someone once said "the best marketing doesn't feel like marketing". So, when I had to respond to a bit of a talking to from a Bishop about my being a bench-warmer, I went to the most open member of the Bpric and explained what I was doing with my spare time. Showed him my volunteer of the year award, evidence of several programs I had started, as well as the structure of five committees I was leading. I explained the need for career revitalization, how I had tried to use church service as a "parallel leadership career" in one job interview, which counted for very little. That everyone is at different levels. I asked if he knew I'd served in
- and he was surprised (I don't look like your typical leader, although I am one). That for this season, my effort needed to be elsewhere for the good of my career.
My hope was they they learned to ask a few more questions before they jumped to conclusions, to be less judgmental when they see a non-contributor at church and to see that time for church ebbs and flows throughout a person's life.
Hope that helps. It works for me.