metalrain, Let me make 4 suggestions.
The first is in your studies. Read something that feeds your soul in addition to your compulsive study of issues. Don't let yourself get sucked into the anti's negativity. There's boat loads of negative crap on the net written out of bitterness, anger, maliciousness, etc. As a standard rule, whether in conversation, or some media item, I simply discount anything that is overwhelmingly negative. I do this for religion, politics, and social stuff, too. Learn how to spot balanced reporting, and think through their motivations. This rule probably holds for overwhelming positive subjects as well (like anything Mormon), but it seldom cankers the soul like negativity does.
Second, I suggest you take a broad view. What is the net result? For example, objective Church history shows how 6 people in upstate New York in 1830 grew to today's Church with 15+million members with congregations in 160 countries. This was don despite incessant resistance and violence. Starting with young Joseph being chased by those wishing to do him harm, and later tarred and feathered for his beliefs. He and his followers were chased by mobs out of their homes in Kirkland, then Missouri, and again Nauvoo. They finally fled the United States to a cricket infested place 1,200 miles away. There they hoped to be safe living on the edge of a desert than no one except for a few Indians wanted. Yet within a few years Johnson's Army marched to Utah to put down the "Mormon Rebellion". Some deft negotiations saved them from attack, but struggling to survive in the wasteland took they built first irrigation-based economy in the western hemisphere. Although that put food on the table, trouble wasn't far off. The US government pressed strongly its opposition to polygamy by imprisoning participants, and when that didn't work it moved to take over all Church properties, and threatened the temples as well. The Church teetered on bankruptcy, so they renounced a strongly held religious belief in polygamy. Meanwhile Reed Smoot, a monogamist was elected at Utah's first Senator. Nevertheless he was not seated by the US Senate for 4 years because of suspicions of Mormons. Since then, the Church has become more main stream, surviving the Great Depression better than many states because of the Church Welfare Program. Mormons, together with all Americans suffered through 2 world wars. Now, 185 years later. The Church is being accepted into the mainstream. Their numbers have grown from 6 to 15+ million members with congregations in 160 countries. Spanish is spoken by more members than English, and more members live outside the US than inside. All the above happened because Joseph with only 3 years of formal education asked a simple question. (Remember is all right to ask questions)
Third, take a broad view of the Church’s effect on your life. For example, I live much more conservatively than I otherwise would. I would drink alcohol, a real problem if you have an addictive personality. Then there are drugs, an even greater hazard. And biggest of all is no sexual promiscuity. Both my wife and I give our Temple Marriage credit for us not getting a divorce. After 24 years, we are thankful of that influence.
Fourth, If you can take a broad look at Mormonism’s effect on your life. What about the people you have met through it? What about the values and standards that raise your standards? You could do a lot worst. If you decide to leave the Church, make sure your have a better place to go. Remember it isn’t a binary decision whether the Church is True or not. You can accept what it works and shelve what doesn’t
Fourth, If you like to read and think, I suggest Terryl Givens books. I have read and reread “The God Who Weeps”. For me, It answers questions that make being Mormon worthwhile: Why God cares, given all the crap in mortality, What is faith and how it is different from testimony, & the critical importance of free agency. What may be more relevant to you now is his book “The Crucible of Doubt”. And don’t forget StayLDS. There are lots of caring people here, who are honest and forth coming, and amazingly knowledgeable people here. And you can do a search on this site on virtually any topic related to Mormonism, to see how others who have faced a Faith Crisis make sense of it.
I may not walk the straight and narrow, but I try to cross it as often as I can.
---J Golden Kimball