I'm 25, a senior at BYU. I graduate in April. I served a mission. I feel very much like other people do in a lot of the other posts I've read. I stumbled across the CES letter in November or something and was able to shelf it. I started dating a girl who left the church and I started to examine my faith more as a result, and it's been consuming me.
I'm having the hardest time reconciling my spiritual experiences, and feelings, with the knowledge, and information I've learned. How could I have had such spiritual experiences when the doubts I am having are all related to the foundation of the church? How do I balance being analytical and not fault finding? I understand leaders of the church are imperfect men, but the polyandry I just can't explain. I can't understand how the seer stones. The book of Abraham and PGP was one of my favorite books- and learning that the translation isn't "correct".
My mom knows I'm doubting. She knows the issues I'm doubting. She has never been the most active but she believes the church is good, as do I. However my grandparents were basically my other parent, and are very TBM. I was home over the break and didn't want to go to church my last day home and my grandpa gave me a chastising scripture as I got on the plane (out of love and concern, of course). I love them as much as I love my mom and I'm afraid of hurting them. I'm their oldest grandchild, first to go on a mission, etc. I've never rebelled and always been the "perfect" grandchild. I feel like me falling away would destroy them and cut years off their lives.
I've been praying for help. Anything. The more I read the less I feel. I feel lost and don't know what to do. Everyone I know who has been in my position has left; I don't have any input from people who have stayed. I feel terrible and it's definitely affecting me.
Help.. please
