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Re: You need to start responding

Posted: 23 Sep 2014, 04:52
by SunbeltRed

Re: You need to start responding

Posted: 23 Sep 2014, 09:21
by SMiLe
I read this and immediately thought, "Who, us lurkers?"

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I check in to read the board about once a day and usually don't respond or post - and I have wondered at times why that is. I think that some times it is because I am not sure that what I have to say is worth hearing. Some times it is because I am not sure what to say at all. But most of the time it is because I am constantly feeling like I am walking a tightrope. I am getting to the point that I am starting to become more comfortable with myself and my struggles but I still don't like to dwell on them. It is easier to ignore them. Playing ostrich and sticking my head in the sand doesn't solve anything, but it sure feels comfortable! And engaging in the conversation here can be uncomfortable. I'm not saying that the people make me uncomfortable, that's not it at all. It is the conversation itself that makes me uncomfortable. It is the taking my head out of the sand and reflecting on how I actually feel about many of the topics here that leaves me feeling like I am scratching a wound that hasn't completely healed yet and if I worry it too long, I will reopen it.

So, there you go, you got me to respond! :) Seriously though, I do read almost everything that is posted and appreciate everyone who takes the time to post. It feels good to know that I am not alone.

Re: You need to start responding

Posted: 23 Sep 2014, 12:34
by Curt Sunshine
You're all silent compared to some people here. :oops: :P

Re: You need to start responding

Posted: 23 Sep 2014, 12:42
by Curt Sunshine
I simply don't believe in the the mission of stayLDS.

[Admin Note]: We love you, cwald, and you've been here a long time - and that long-time participation has saved you from being moderated like a new participant would be moderated if that person said the exact same things you often do. If you don't believe in and can't support our mission, then maybe this site no longer is right for you. You've earned the lighter moderation you've gotten, but if you openly reject us and our mission, and if you openly call people who are trying to make it work crazy . . .

You made your comment publicly, so I responded publicly. I normally would have sent you a PM. There will be NO further discussion of this. We both have had our say.

Re: You need to start responding

Posted: 23 Sep 2014, 14:10
by Orson
Hi Mom3 :wave:

It's no news I don't pop in every day, and most times I have very limited time anyway. Maybe the truth is after 6 years some of us are starting to fall asleep at the wheel, :yawn: or lose some of the emotional connection to the issues ...or maybe there are other outlets available?

Thanks for the wake-up call.

Re: You need to start responding

Posted: 23 Sep 2014, 14:44
by Roadrunner
Hi Mom3,
I am here and I read most of the posts. I'm not sure these are great excuses, but the primary reason is that my life isn't in a place that I can participate as much as I want to. A secondary reason is that while I agree with much of what's posted here, I'm not sophisticated and worry that my posts don't add much (not asking for reinforcement, just the way I feel).


Re: You need to start responding

Posted: 23 Sep 2014, 15:19
by hawkgrrrl
Good reminder!

Re: You need to start responding

Posted: 23 Sep 2014, 15:51
by West
I'm also the type who drops by the forum at least once a day to read up on new posts, but whenever I go to make a post, I always chicken out. Very unusual for such a chatterbox like myself. I think this forum is the only one where I've been so quiet. But here, there we go, I'm responding, now. :)

Re: You need to start responding

Posted: 23 Sep 2014, 16:08
by Curt Sunshine
[Admin Note]: If anyone is worried about being moderated actively, we have over 5,000 public discussion threads with over 65,000 comments (without counting mine) over the course of almost 6 years.

We have exactly 127 instances of "admin notes" (direct moderation and warnings); there probably are about that same number of times when standard moderation has been employed without an explicit admin note, but those happened during the first half of our existence, before we started using admin notes; I estimate we have banned perhaps 5 active participants and deleted about a dozen posts. There have been times when comments and posts have been edited slightly (for example, to maintain confidentiality, like removing the Bishop's last name in Bridget Night's current post), but those don't fit the category of classic moderation.

That means we have moderated actively about 1 of every 250-500 comments, deleted about 2 posts every year, and banned about 1 person every year.

Yes, we moderate here and always have, since we have a particular mission that fails without moderation, but I think the numbers show we don't do it aggressively, by common online standards. Please, don't hesitate to comment out of concern over being moderated.

Re: You need to start responding

Posted: 23 Sep 2014, 16:59
by mom3
Wow - thanks. I really didn't expect 2 pages of voice - but I am glad to see it. I have a reason beyond just having my name not be the only one on the forum - Saturday I attended a seminar with the Bushmans. I didn't have clear expectations when I went and I am glad because it allowed me to see and learn. What I learned was in a room of 75+ adults - I would guess 3/4 of the group were in a StayLDS mode. We only had moments to mingle, but when we did the stories were there. I could also piece together the stories in people's questions during Q&A time.

I have weighed that meeting for nearly 72 hours and I am convinced that more people struggle than let on. They need us badly. Even if they aren't on here, our conversations help us help others where we find them. This chasm between the traditional cultural church and the broader road isn't going away, no easy bridge will be built between the two, and the weariness of the road will not easily be solved - but we can be ambassadors, friends, supports for people.

If you lurk or only drop in once in a while, please drop a "Hi" an emoticon or thumbs up when you can - if we look like an echo chamber people who need the conversations we have here won't get the help they need.

Love you all - Seriously I do. Thanks.