Copy of talk or list on how to fellowship

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Donna
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Joined: 24 Nov 2011, 20:04

Copy of talk or list on how to fellowship

Post by Donna » 05 Jan 2014, 12:16

Does anyone have a talk, lesson or list on how to fellowship the less active?

I appreciate any help you could give me with this.

Thanks

ilovecoldplay
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Joined: 20 Sep 2009, 11:39

Re: Copy of talk or list on how to fellowship

Post by ilovecoldplay » 05 Jan 2014, 21:13

I don't have a list or talk but I have heard one thing here and from a friend that might help. It is to not just like people when they are coming to church. You should visit or talk to them regardless of their activity in the church. Also, I think it's weird when people talk to me when they are my visiting teacher but then when they are released they never say a word.

Donna
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Joined: 24 Nov 2011, 20:04

Re: Copy of talk or list on how to fellowship

Post by Donna » 05 Jan 2014, 21:34

Thanks for your ideas. I have noticed that when you aren't in a calling with someone they don't talk to you any more. I really feel that is important to accept people the way they are . Maybe they come to church every once in a while. I have noticed since I haven't been to church every week when I do go no one talks to me. It makes me feel uncomfortable and it harder to go to church and sit alone. I think people should go out of their way to be friendly. I feel that home teaching and visiting teaching are great ways to fellowship. I have never understood why some people find it so hard to say hi. I don't think friendships should end when you released from a calling or are assigned new visiting teachers. Is this a Utah thing?

ilovecoldplay
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Joined: 20 Sep 2009, 11:39

Re: Copy of talk or list on how to fellowship

Post by ilovecoldplay » 05 Jan 2014, 22:06

No I do not think it is a Utah thing at all and it happens in Az too.

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SisterPeggy
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Re: Copy of talk or list on how to fellowship

Post by SisterPeggy » 05 Jan 2014, 22:18

I watched a video on visiting teaching once that was really helpful ... the sister speaking (can't remember for the life of me - but not someone in the Gen. RS Presidency or board) just explained through a million wonderful examples how visiting teaching is all about being a friend ... sending a text message ... talking to them at the grocery store if you run into them ... just a million little things that you can do to genuinely connect with people and show love. I hope it is okay to post a link, if not, I apologize. But I thought she really got to the heart of visiting teaching here and I loved it: http://www.byutv.org/watch/e493c846-238 ... 58624ff741 And although it is about visiting teaching ... it absolutely correlates to fellowshipping!

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nibbler
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Re: Copy of talk or list on how to fellowship

Post by nibbler » 06 Jan 2014, 05:47

I think there are a lot of less active people that are exhausted from receiving visits that are only aimed at figuring out whether they are reading scriptures and praying and why they aren't attending church. They know everything a visiting member is going to say before they even come through the front door.

I think it would be helpful to recognize when less active people feel that way and then simply back off. Visits can continue if they want them to continue and even then they should only be visits to create and build a friendship. No mention of church or typical church invitations. People don't want to be projects and that invitation back to church can be a signal that the visit had ulterior motives and wasn't out of genuine friendship. People want genuine friends, not assigned friends - and that I feel is another difficult aspect to overcome for HT/VT.
Cure sometimes, treat often, comfort always.
— Hippocrates

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mercyngrace
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Re: Copy of talk or list on how to fellowship

Post by mercyngrace » 06 Jan 2014, 06:26

I think the concept of "fellowshipping" has come to connote (for many people I know) building a comraderie for a specific purpose - whether it's reactivating someone or building a better working relationship in a presidency, keeping someone active, or being able to report 100% (or some other figure) to a quorum or auxiliary presidency. That's kind of a shame because it means we've reduced this beautiful, charity inspired relationship to a legalistic performance of social ritual.

If I were bishop for a month, I would suspend the VT and HT programs and have a heartfelt meeting with the adult members of the ward. I'd say, "There are some among us who are hurting. Some who are struggling. Some whose hands hang down and whose hearts are heavy laden. As followers of Christ, it is our privilege to bear their burdens with them. Go to your homes tonight. Invite the Lord to open your eyes to the needs around you. Ask Him to help you see His children as He sees them. Plead with Him to guide your footsteps as you listen to those who need to be heard or as you embrace those who desperately need the warmth of human touch in their lives. Beg Him to help you fill your cars with groceries for the hungry or to help you find extra in your bank account for those who can't keep the lights on. Go into the home of the exhausted young mother and fold her laundry, bring dinner to the elderly couple who rarely cook for themselves. Sit up with the sick and mourn with those who are enduring loss. Comfort the parents of the wayward and let the wayward know that whether or not they ever come back to church, they cannot escape God's love or yours. Go, brothers and sisters, and do the work of charity. Do not wait for an assignment. Do not be a slothful servant. Do not let your charity be confined to a 30 minute visit on the last day of the month. The Lord's labor of love is a daily walk. Programs are designed to set a minimum standard but they fall far short of what the Lord asks of you. He wants your heart. He wants your hands. He wants true disciples. One month from today, you will have an opportunity to speak of your experience. That's not a threat and it's not an attempt to coerce your cooperation. In fact, I suspect, that if your experience is anything like mine, you will hardly be able to contain your joy and will be unable to hide the change in your heart."

I actually believe that for my current ward, this would be an amazing experiment in which most, if not all, members would participate. But there are a couple of older folks who seem to need assignments. I think this would unleash them to be even more effective than they already are.
Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little. ~ Luke 7:47

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On Own Now
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Re: Copy of talk or list on how to fellowship

Post by On Own Now » 06 Jan 2014, 09:06

Mercyngrace,

That's a beautiful message and a good reminder. I will say I'm not totally convinced it works at the ward level. If the Bishop made that announcement, the same dozen ward members who always are the last ones cleaning the cultural hall and kitchen after a ward party, or cleaning the meetinghouse on a Saturday morning, or shoveling the walks after a snowstorm, will be the ones doing service for the needy.

I think it works at a personal level and I agree that seeking out non-obvious people who are truly in need, and not just perennial takers, is a very rewarding experience. I think of the reward as secondary. The effort itself is enjoyable, and then it feels good to have done it.
- - -
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ― Carl Jung
- - -
"Let us therefore no longer pass judgment on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of another." ― Romans 14:13
- - -

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On Own Now
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Re: Copy of talk or list on how to fellowship

Post by On Own Now » 06 Jan 2014, 09:19

Donna,

Honestly, I think the Church culture is misguided when it comes to fellowshipping. The idea as I've seen it played out so many times in my lifetime is to go over to someone's house, and invite them to come to church. YM quorums focus on this heavily. How are we going to get Frederick to come to church? Who is Frederick? Does he go by Fred? I don't know. I tried to call one time. I think his mom has moved to Ohio, but I'm not sure if Frederick is still in town...

Yet within the same quorum there are YM who come to church every week, but who are struggling. I've seen YM quorums that work very well as a unit, and others that are as clique-ish and unfriendly.

To me, I think the 'fellowshipping' we ought to focus on is those that come to church. Try to be understanding and supportive of each other first. A YM quorum or YW class should find a way to be accepting and including of each other first, and then, once that is achieved, then reach out to others.

And reaching out to others should consist of providing a message associated with God's love. No invitation, no badgering, no guilt. Think of it like Christmas Caroling. The old, and apparently outmoded, tradition of caroling was simply to take a message of joy to someone else. No figgy pudding was really expected in return. Just spreading good cheer. People find faith in different ways. In our Church we tend to think that if it isn't in our ways and in our building, then it isn't real. We need to allow anyone to find faith in whatever way they choose. We should be facilitators not judges.
- - -
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ― Carl Jung
- - -
"Let us therefore no longer pass judgment on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of another." ― Romans 14:13
- - -

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nibbler
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Re: Copy of talk or list on how to fellowship

Post by nibbler » 06 Jan 2014, 10:10

I'd be all for not having the priesthood/relief society hour once a month, every fast Sunday for example. This hour would instead be used to actually go out and serve. Maybe visit someone that is too infirm to come to church, visit a less active person, or just visit people in a retirement home, anything. I see two benefits:

1. Less talking and more doing.
2. Everyone gets an hour of their lives back. Church can be fatiguing, I'm typically at church for 5.5 hours each Sunday. If I want to be with my family at all on Sunday something has to give and that something is often visits I might otherwise be making. Take priesthood/relief society off the block once a month and there's an hour I have already budgeted into my schedule to get out and actually do something.

That would probably translate to most people taking an hour off from church once a month without doing anything at all though. Still, I think an hour dedicated to ministering would do me more good than the lesson. I should be doing both, but again meetings often force the issue of balancing time with priorities.
Cure sometimes, treat often, comfort always.
— Hippocrates

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