You comfort me

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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MayB
Posts: 139
Joined: 15 May 2013, 10:01

You comfort me

Post by MayB » 11 Dec 2013, 22:31

I haven't been active on this board for quite a while, but I do read here occasionally. Tonight, as I was reading some of your posts and responses, I felt comforted. I'm so glad that you're all here helping one another through difficult things. I'm glad you've been here to help me through difficult things.

I enjoyed reading the thread on the reasons everyone stays in the church. For right now, DH, the kids and I aren't attending and I find myself missing certain parts of church. The instant sense of community, the good people there, the weekly chance to direct my thoughts toward Christ and being a better person. We made our move and have been here for almost three weeks. I find myself wondering if we made a mistake. Could we go back? Could we be members and take the good while neither of us has a literal belief in the foundations or history of it all? Would our kids be confused by the difference between what they are hearing at church and what we are teaching them at home? For me, I just can't see myself putting the garments back on or attending the temple again. There's such a focus with the children and youth on serving missions and getting to the temple and I don't feel like I could endorse those things with my own children.

Anyway, I'm really just rambling. I told my mom of our disaffection this week and she wants to "talk" tomorrow. I'm not sure how the conversation will go, but I am sure that it will be a difficult one. I remember when I first came here, cwald would often say that "the middle way is hard". Such a true statement. And jumping out of the middle onto the untrodden path isn't proving easy either.
Last edited by MayB on 12 Dec 2013, 13:17, edited 1 time in total.
MayB

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mom3
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Joined: 02 Apr 2011, 14:11

Re: You comfort me

Post by mom3 » 11 Dec 2013, 22:51

May - Only you can answer fully for you, but I know of a couple of families who only attend SM. I have never asked why. For many years they attended mostly full time. The wife and I were in the Primary Pres. together. We had a great time, and I taught their daughter in YW. Even then, Dad always slipped out to his car during SS. Now they sit in a SM, hang out and chat a bit, then slip out the side door as people move off to class.

Another idea is part time attendance, and ward activities, that way you keep the connections, but minimize the lesson time. Yes the middle way is tough, so is walking away, especially with family involved. Good luck. Thanks for keeping us included. I hope you find a peaceful solution.
"I stayed because it was God and Jesus Christ that I wanted to follow and be like, not individual human beings." Chieko Okazaki Dialogue interview

"I am coming to envision a new persona for the Church as humble followers of Jesus Christ....Joseph and his early followers came forth with lots of triumphalist rhetoric, but I think we need a new voice, one of humility, friendship and service. We should teach people to believe in God because it will soften their hearts and make them more willing to serve." - Richard Bushman

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DarkJedi
Posts: 7315
Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: You comfort me

Post by DarkJedi » 12 Dec 2013, 04:12

I'm glad you're here, too MayB. Looks like that inevitable conversation with your mom has arrived - I hope it goes well for you. My only advice is to concentrate on what you do believe, try not to make it so much about what you don't believe. Look for that middle way as far as attendance goes, it's out there and I'm sure there's room for you in the church.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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Curt Sunshine
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Joined: 21 Oct 2008, 20:24

Re: You comfort me

Post by Curt Sunshine » 12 Dec 2013, 10:57

Thanks for this post, May. Sincerely, thanks for this post.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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GodisLove
Posts: 114
Joined: 09 Apr 2013, 11:02

Re: You comfort me

Post by GodisLove » 12 Dec 2013, 14:31

I have been following your story some on NOM.

I feel for you. I don't think I ever understood the word "draining" until the last few years. I have only had a few conversations with family about topics that arise. To not be understood and opinions dismissed because they are "wrong" is hard. I can only imagine how you feel but I am so very sorry. As my good friend says about things..."sometimes it just sucks".

I was naive to think that the middle way could be done easily and respect everyone's struggles so much. There is no right answer for everyone, I believe. Situations, culture and so many life variables make any story exactly the same, yet there is respect here for difference. I have also found strength from many of those who post and are completely unaware of what their comments have given me. Stay has made my life easier to feel I am not alone and to understand my husbands views as well as articulate my own. I have it so much easier because I have a spouse on this journey. We aren't in the same place or even have the same issues, but it is a comfort.

I wish you peace and strength and lots and lots of good chocolate.
Not one Sparrow is forgotten
E'en the raven God will feed
And the lily of the valley
From His bounty hath its need

Then shall I not trust Thee, Father
In Thy mercy have a share?
And through faith and prayer, my Mother
Merit Thy protecting care?
Shaker Hymnal 1908

Ann
Posts: 2576
Joined: 09 Sep 2012, 02:17

Re: You comfort me

Post by Ann » 13 Dec 2013, 15:38

MayB wrote:
Could we go back? Could we be members and take the good while neither of us has a literal belief in the foundations or history of it all? Would our kids be confused by the difference between what they are hearing at church and what we are teaching them at home? For me, I just can't see myself putting the garments back on or attending the temple again. There's such a focus with the children and youth on serving missions and getting to the temple and I don't feel like I could endorse those things with my own children.
MayB - It's good to hear from you! I hope you'll stay at StayLDS. Someone here once said, if you don't enjoy going to the temple, don't go. :shock: Lightbulb moment. Simple - sort of. If you choose to get more involved at church again, I hope you're in a ward that will welcome your approach. Good luck.
"Preachers err by trying to talk people into belief; better they reveal the radiance of their own discovery." - Joseph Campbell

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." - Marcel Proust

"Therefore they said unto him, How were thine eyes opened? He answered and said unto them, A man that is called Jesus made clay, and anointed my eyes...." - John 9:10-11

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