Going back to church...?

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
Tica
Posts: 49
Joined: 14 Jan 2018, 21:38

Re: Going back to church...?

Post by Tica » 18 May 2021, 20:57

Roy wrote:
18 May 2021, 12:37
Those that attend via Zoom without it being absolutely medically necessary can be viewed as deceiving themselves into thinking that they are keeping their covenants when in fact they are not.
This is some good perspective taking. I have a hard time seeing both sides sometimes. I also think that for a true orthodox believer, in some ways needing to see signs that people they care about/associate with are all in does feel like it comes from a place of love. Even though it doesn't always come across that way.

AmyJ
Posts: 1014
Joined: 27 Jul 2017, 05:50

Re: Going back to church...?

Post by AmyJ » 14 Jun 2021, 05:26

AmyJ wrote:
17 May 2021, 05:35
I am pretty sure that I am not going back.

I have decided for myself that a boundary I am putting into place is that I am not going back to Sacrament Meeting without my husband. This decision is fueled by the fact that I don't like being the "active" non-believer - and handling the executive functioning of Sundays.

I am still sorting out 2nd hour in my mind.

I haven't figured out how to handle the callings I have (R.S. and Achievement Days). I could bow out gracefully and ask to be released - but I like the challenge of these callings, and I am not out of the community yet. I guess I could start a conversation about transition plans - there are only 4 other Moms for the Achievement Day Girls though and few match my ability to teach R.S. Plus, the respective leaders of these organizations are my best friends in the branch - and I don't have a script for telling them anything about where I am in terms of faith.
I have given this a lot of thought, and I am not going back unless my husband or eldest daughter wants to (not likely).

I sat down and had a good conversation with the Primary President about this. I am going to teach Achievement Days for the rest of the year, but we are not transitioning to Y.W. (outside of her jurisdiction in any case). We are still going to try to be friends and try to be walking buddies. I think I surprised her, and I think she is not hurt, but is glad that I have been thoughtful about this and that I would trust her enough to share this part of my life with her. I am not amazing at non-verbals, but I didn't see anything contrary to her words on that front.

<crosses fingers>

In about a week, I have a conversation with the R.S. President (and another good friend) where I resign from my calling in R.S.

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DarkJedi
Posts: 7475
Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: Going back to church...?

Post by DarkJedi » 14 Jun 2021, 05:40

Tica wrote:
18 May 2021, 20:57
Roy wrote:
18 May 2021, 12:37
Those that attend via Zoom without it being absolutely medically necessary can be viewed as deceiving themselves into thinking that they are keeping their covenants when in fact they are not.
This is some good perspective taking. I have a hard time seeing both sides sometimes. I also think that for a true orthodox believer, in some ways needing to see signs that people they care about/associate with are all in does feel like it comes from a place of love. Even though it doesn't always come across that way.
Just a note. I had to go back and read Roy's posts because the above quote just isn't something I see Roy as saying. It is a quote, of course, but it is sort of out of context. Let's be careful about making sure if we're quoting something we're doing so in context. In context Roy was saying there are people who might think "Those that attend via Zoom...."

Kind of reminds me of an old episode of Dr. Who I was watching the other day. Paraphrasing The Doctor said something like you're a journalist, aren't you? Make it up! (And there you have it, I'm more nerdy than you might have thought! ;) )
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

My Introduction

Roy
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Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Going back to church...?

Post by Roy » 14 Jun 2021, 11:24

AmyJ wrote:
14 Jun 2021, 05:26
I have given this a lot of thought, and I am not going back unless my husband or eldest daughter wants to (not likely).
I must confess a small amount of sadness at hearing this. I just watched "Into the Heights" and in the movie there is a tension between 1) remaining in the community that needs you for your added strength and resiliency or 2) spreading your wings to succeed beyond the community. All of the examples of people "leaving" in the movie were positive (going off to university, business owner moving locations outside of community, returning to an ancestral homeland, getting a nice apartment in a more well off neighborhood, etc.). Yet each was met with some degree of sadness.

I think that it is an acknowledgement that part of our shared journey together might be coming to an end. As you talk to these good friends of yours in LDS leadership positions be aware that they will likely feel likewise. You have both walked a path together and now you are diverging.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

AmyJ
Posts: 1014
Joined: 27 Jul 2017, 05:50

Re: Going back to church...?

Post by AmyJ » 15 Jun 2021, 04:49

Roy wrote:
14 Jun 2021, 11:24
I must confess a small amount of sadness at hearing this. I just watched "Into the Heights" and in the movie there is a tension between 1) remaining in the community that needs you for your added strength and resiliency or 2) spreading your wings to succeed beyond the community.
I feel sadness about this too. But, when I think about teaching a lesson these days, or the idea of getting up and going to church when the whole premise is one that I am very, very unsecure about these days churns my stomach and brings up visceral feelings of resentment. I don't like being a possible fraud when I was trying to do my best, even though technically I was one. I don't have the motivation to try to strong-arm my family into going too - DD is pretty ambivalent about God and honestly, she does better finding her own her way and thoughts instead of me telling her what to do.

I dealt with these feelings for years, so I know it's not a temporary thing. I did the "pray, read your scriptures" thing - which amped up the resentment and disconnect with God.

One of the most peaceful things I learned in the past 4 years is what someone here (I think it was Old Timer) told me. "May there be a path".

Right now, the path leads to not being at church - but being respectfully authentic about the boundaries I am setting and not burning bridges if I can avoid it.
Roy wrote:
14 Jun 2021, 11:24
I think that it is an acknowledgement that part of our shared journey together might be coming to an end. As you talk to these good friends of yours in LDS leadership positions be aware that they will likely feel likewise. You have both walked a path together and now you are diverging.

I don't know that I am leaving this site. The only boundary I have put in place deliberately is that I am not going to church unless family members want to go. A secondary boundary I put into place is resigning from teaching Relief Society. Oh, I teasingly advised the Primary President that if she wants to bribe my daughter into coming to church, I get half the cookies:)

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DarkJedi
Posts: 7475
Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: Going back to church...?

Post by DarkJedi » 15 Jun 2021, 05:50

AmyJ wrote:
15 Jun 2021, 04:49
Oh, I teasingly advised the Primary President that if she wants to bribe my daughter into coming to church, I get half the cookies:)
There is a segment of our church society that believes cookies solve everything. :P
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

My Introduction

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