Blame and the Journey

[Curt Sunshine]

They who blame others have a long way to go on their journey.

They who blame themselves are half-way there.

They who blame no one have already arrived.

I can argue with a couple of potential implications of this quote, but I love the central message.

[mom3]

I would add, sometimes we can only do the final one - one item at a time.

At least that is my experience.

[rrosskopf]

Our judicial system is based on assigning blame. Some people have championed the idea of no-fault auto insurance; in some states insurance pays claims regardless of fault. The idea is based on the notion that no one wants to get into an accident. But those that work hard to know and keep the traffic laws expect equal diligence from others, and there is something to be said for that.
I suggest the argument is one of agency; whoever has the most agency to prevent an accident has the greater responsibility or fault. No one is forcing people to drive drunk on the wrong side of the road in the middle of the night. People who drink and drive play a dangerous lottery. The same could be said for those who don't study the traffic laws, believe the traffic laws are only suggestions, or who for a variety of reasons increase the probability of an accident.
No-fault auto insurance is a convenience. It reduces red tape, legal proceedings, and the need for lawyers. That convenience has a cost though. More people will have blasé attitudes towards driving, and the world will be a more dangerous place to drive.

There are cases were both drivers have done all they could do, within reason, and the accident still occurred. This is the point at which assigning blame or fault has little to no value. Anyway, this is my take on the issue and it is subject to change. Maybe I'm only half way there.

[SilentDawning]

They who blame others have a long way to go on their journey.

They who blame themselves are half-way there.

They who blame no one have already arrived.

I can argue with a couple of potential implications of this quote, but I love the central message.

To me this is about locus of control. Internal locus of control -- you think everything that happens is due to your own behavior. External locus of control, you believe what happens is largely out of your own control.

Each has its place -- that time-honored maxim:

"God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference."

The first first two lines are about external locus of control, the third line is about internal locus of control, and the last one is the great challenge.

[dande48]

I think we could all do to be a little more charitable and kind towards ourselves and others. Even where "agency" is at play, there are so many forces outside our control.

As an example: Let's say two people (Person A & Person B) go out drinking. They have a few drinks too many, and drive home. Person A ends up running over and killing a kid. They gets arrested for vehicular manslaughter while intoxicated. That's a minimum 4-10 years in most jurisdictions. Plus, if you've got a felony on your record, in the US, you're life is pretty much ruined. Person B makes it home safe, and has no lasting repercussions. Maybe they hear what happened to person A, and resolves never to drink and drive again.

Ultimately, our judicial system will hold person A accountable for manslaughter. Person B was given a "second chance", and had no lasting repercussions. Also, if the parents who kids got killed by person A had been better at watching their kid, not letting them wander the streets late at night, Person A would've also had no lasting repercussions. Or what if person A had just "one more drink" than he had? Maybe they would've realized he was too drunk and gotten a taxi. Or what if they had just stayed an extra minute at the bar, before driving home. With the difference in timing, that kid wouldn't have been there, and Person A wouldn't have had any lasting repercussions.

[Roy]

"God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference."

The first first two lines are about external locus of control, the third line is about internal locus of control, and the last one is the great challenge.

Along with this is the motto of the special Olympics:

“Let me win. But if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt.”

All should be allowed to compete and reasonable accommodations should be made to provide those opportunities. However, not everyone "wins". Who wins and who does not win is not just dependent on who wants it more or who trains harder - some people compete with challenges that might preclude them from ever winning. But to give it your all knowing that you will likely never earn a medal - that is bravery.

Last night in our family home church meeting, we talked about Jesus healing the blind man. In the beginning of the chapter the disciples ask whose fault it is that the man was born blind - his own or his parents. Jesus answered that it was nobody's fault!

Sometimes our belief in agency and justice leads us to assume that individuals in disadvantaged positions must have done something to deserve their fate. We propped up a racist temple and priesthood ban by explaining that people of African descent didn't qualify for a more "blessed" mortality. We as a church have specifically disavowed that theory but I believe that we still teach and believe that the babies that are born "in the covenant" as members of the church were somehow more valiant and noble in the premortal realm - thus earning their favored position.

[On Own Now]

As long as we are quoting, I like this as a way to get past how we got here, and just work on what is next:

“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” -JRRTolkein, Fellowship of the Ring

[Roy]

They who blame others have a long way to go on their journey.

They who blame themselves are half-way there.

They who blame no one have already arrived.

I can argue with a couple of potential implications of this quote, but I love the central message.

Thinking about this has me wondering. First off, that that see themselves on a journey are on a journey. We, as LDS, see the road to perfection as a long journey that will not be complete until long after we are dead. It is summed up in the common phrase of "Endure to the end."

In Matt. 5:48, the term perfect was translated from the Greek teleios, which means “complete.” Teleios is an adjective derived from the noun telos, which means “end.”10 The infinitive form of the verb is teleiono, which means “to reach a distant end, to be fully developed, to consummate, or to finish.”11 Please note that the word does not imply “freedom from error”; it implies “achieving a distant objective.”
…
Meanwhile, brothers and sisters, let us do the best we can and try to improve each day. When our imperfections appear, we can keep trying to correct them. We can be more forgiving of flaws in ourselves and among those we love. We can be comforted and forbearing. The Lord taught, “Ye are not able to abide the presence of God now … ; wherefore, continue in patience until ye are perfected.”40
We need not be dismayed if our earnest efforts toward perfection now seem so arduous and endless.

By RMN https://www.lds.org/general-conference/ ... g?lang=eng Emphasis mine

As this might apply to the quote in the OP, I can imagine that those that do not measure up (which is all of us) and then blame others for their failings still have "a long way to go on their journey."

Those that do not measure up and then blame themselves are "half-way there". They still do not measure up but at least they have progressed from assigning blame on outward forces that are beyond their means to control or even sometimes influence. Now they place the blame or the credit on themselves. This can be somewhat helful in that is can be motivating to try hard believing that dedication, effort, and personal endurance can win the day. However, in this approach the end goal is still a long way off.

I imagine that those that "blame no one" have come to accept themselves and their circumstances. I believe that they do not affix blame because they are not really keeping score. They are not overly worried with their deficiencies from a future perfected state. They may not conceptualize themselves as being on a journey with a fixed destination. They may imagine themselves as complete, or whole, or fully developed right now in the moment - even though they may still grow and change in the future. Thus they "have already arrived" because the "journey" and the destination was always a mental construct.