Finding what I really want

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
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Finding what I really want

Post by littlemiss_sunshine » 14 Jun 2014, 12:00

Hey guys!

Figured I'd give a little insight into "me" and why I'm here.

I was born into the church, the legacy of the church goes very very far back in my family, and so it also is a big "tradition" in my family to be LDS.

When I was 16, I really started to struggle with the "testimony" everyone thought I had. I was watching others around me bear witness to this wonderful feeling of the spirit and no matter how hard I tried it wasn't happening to me. I started reading church history, I wasn't agreeing with political standpoints the church has today, and so shortly after my 17th Birthday I ceased to attend church, and went into a hate phase. I felt like the church had taken away my ability to me normal. So for several years I was living life on the outside, but I had something missing. I began dating a Non-Member and we got Married, he was very aware of my past in the LDS church but I guess since I was "out" there wasn't any issue. We are very much in love, I know he is the only man for me!
About six months ago the both of us started hanging out with the Elders in our area (We don't have many friends as we are hermits, and the missionaries are close in age) and slowly church topics started to trickle into our conversations. I realized that the church is what was missing in my life. I might not agree with all of the church doctrine, but the church is still a wonderful place that can aide someone in spiritual nourishment and I realized that. . . .and I've slowly been coming back.
I want to live my life in the church, my husband has said he would take the discussions because he knows I have a strong desire to be sealed in the temple. . . .but I still don't know how to exactly live normally inside the church as an active member when I still have so many hangups and differing opinions than other members.
But anyway, that's the long story short!

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Re: Finding what I really want

Post by Oneofmany » 14 Jun 2014, 14:21

First as I am sure you will be told by others, find out what you do believe. Start there and build upon it.
I have found the most important thing for me is finding someone that I like and trust in your local ward, if you can, and build that relationship. (This may be hard as it will require you to be less of a hermit. I am a hermit as well.)

anyway, welcome and good luck!

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Re: Finding what I really want

Post by SilentDawning » 14 Jun 2014, 14:33

I'm torn on the advice to give on this one. First, many of us here are coping with being in the church while having reservations -- but it's difficult -- our spouses (many of us) have expectations that we stay active, and we are walking a tightrope in terms of staying active, and staying at peace within ourselves.

So, when I see you in a committed relationship with a non-member, I feel reluctant to encourage you to go down a path that will put the both of you potentially at odds -- with you expecting or wanting a temple marriage, and your husband not willing, if that happens.

On the other hand, there are many happy marriages when non-members join, get married in the temple, and everything chugs along just fine.

So, that is what I thought when I read your post. I don't want to discourage you from taking the path of Mormonism, but if you are looking only for spiritual nourishment -- I think there are a lot of different places to get that from.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

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Re: Finding what I really want

Post by Ann » 14 Jun 2014, 14:40

Hi, littlemiss_sunshine - I really enjoyed your introduction. I wonder if having been away and searching will make it all the easier for you to go back. You know what's important to you. Good luck!
"Preachers err by trying to talk people into belief; better they reveal the radiance of their own discovery." - Joseph Campbell

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." - Marcel Proust

"Therefore they said unto him, How were thine eyes opened? He answered and said unto them, A man that is called Jesus made clay, and anointed my eyes...." - John 9:10-11

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Re: Finding what I really want

Post by DarkJedi » 14 Jun 2014, 18:17

Welcome. Oneofmany already hit on the main point, I think - decide what you do believe and focus on that. It is possible to be part of the church and not buy everything, but it isn't always easy.

And to make it work, i think you're going to have to make some friends in your ward - the missionaries will move on.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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Re: Finding what I really want

Post by Minyan Man » 14 Jun 2014, 20:39

LMS, welcome. My wife & I like to hang out with the missionaries too. I like their enthusiasm & innocence.
I will go out with them & talk to investigators too.

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