I believe what you say above...although I was asking for people to share what they think restores trust.Minyan Man wrote: ↑30 Apr 2019, 11:10Trust is not a light switch that you turn on at a specific moment. It is built & restored over time. I think that's what you're saying?
I don't want to put words in your mouth.
No one can say: I forgive you therefore I trust you again the same way I did before you offended.
Jesus is the exception. I am working on it.
Here are my thoughts.
1. Apologies -- not one, but many if the wronged person requires it. Just as some people need frequent affirmation of love in a relationship, some people need frequent reassurance that the wrongdoer is truly sorry and won't do it again.
2. Avoiding any actions that imply the wrongful behavior is still part of the person's character.
3. A good attitude on the part of the wrongdoer toward the process needed to restore trust. I've seen people make comments like "you're bringing that up again? I already apologized". Annoyance at the wronged person's needs for further amends to restore trust is a sign, to me, that the person really doesn't care as much about restoring trust as they need to satisfy the other person.
I'm reminded of the show Back with the Ex. It's Australian, I think. There was one couple who had a really really good relationship, but the woman cheated. They broke up. I believe they were even married. They got back together for the show. They had to view videotapes of the other person's candid feelings. Although the cheater had apologized, called it the biggest mistake of her life, and had tried to make amends, the guy in the relationship, the wronged person, indicated there was still a need for trust to take root before he could get back to her.
The cheater was shown on camera alone, viewing the videotape and exclaiming "Bloody 'Ell"!!!! when he mentioned the need for trust to be restored.
It was a kind of "He's still on THAT AGAIN????". Sure she'd admitted and tried to make amends, but the guy wasn't ready yet to trust her. SHE might have believed she'd done enough, but trust is in the eye of the beholder.
Thoughts on this?