Raising kids lds when I don’t believe

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dande48
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Joined: 24 Jan 2016, 16:35
Location: Wherever there is danger

Re: Raising kids lds when I don’t believe

Post by dande48 » 10 Jan 2019, 15:33

SilentDawning wrote:
10 Jan 2019, 13:19
But who knows. Heck, it's hard for a judge to figure out what happened from eye witness testimony about something that happened just a few months ago, let alone what happened 200 years ago. Add era-specific biases to the mix, differences in the use of language, and then rose-colored glasses borne of years of apologetic or revisionist historians, and it's nearly impossible to determine the truth.

My approach is agnosticism when it's not clear. I have no doubt that Abe Linclon's Gettysberg address is pretty close to what he said, and that it happened. But the first vision? Who knows? No one was there to corroborate.
It's a tough spot to be in, but I do think we're able to arrive at a more solid conclusion, than we sometimes like to believe. It's impossible to know much of anything, but we can increase our certainty one way or another. There's the source, consistency, environment, personal interests, etc which are all wonderful at updating our confidence in what we 'know". Though we cannot have an absolute knowledge of anything, we can be increase or decrease in our confidence, even when it comes to events which happened centuries or even millennia ago. Even further, we can determine whether or not other people who say they "know" (i.e. believe with a strong degree of confidence), have good evidence to base their confidence on.
"The whole world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel." - Horace Walpole

"Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure."
-Lemony Snicket

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SilentDawning
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Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Re: Raising kids lds when I don’t believe

Post by SilentDawning » 10 Jan 2019, 18:18

To answer the opening question -- so far, I've achieved the goal you are seeking. I had a major commitment crisis when my kids were about 12 (daughter) and 8 (son) respectively.

My daughter is 20 and married in the temple and active. My son is inactive but still participates now and then. My wife and I still attend but I am not nearly the committed animal I was previously.

The key for me was to

a) avoid sharing your doubts with your family. Be supportive and strive NOT to be a stumbling block.
b) when kids ask direct questions about garments, tithing, and temple, indicate you need time to formulate an answer. Then post the question here and we can give you some ideas so you can form your own answer.
c) Don't share your username or the fact you post here. I think my family looks now and then and that's not good.
d) Participate in the Ward on friendly terms, don't trust the local leaders with your true feelings, and hold callings you feel you can do without selling yourself out.
e) Let the church and your wife teach the doctrine. I know the program of the church is to teach it in the home but the kids do get it if taught at church.
f) Decide what you CAN teach and teach that when necessary. Topics like charity, kindness, forgiving, all those are easy to teach even if a non-believer.
g) Always give local leaders vague hope you''ll someday return to full activity. Always have non-testimony reasons ready for not participating fully. I hate to say it, but their acceptance of you as an individual is often conditional on full activity, so be very guarded about what you share. Their willingness to let you perform ordinances is also conditional, and leadership roulette is very real. Never limit your opportunities by saying you don't believe. There is always SOMETHING about the church you can talk about affirmatively.

Hope that helps!
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

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Rumin8
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Joined: 25 Mar 2018, 14:00

Re: Raising kids lds when I don’t believe

Post by Rumin8 » 11 Jan 2019, 09:33

What a great road map SD!
SilentDawning wrote:
10 Jan 2019, 18:18
c) Don't share your username or the fact you post here. I think my family looks now and then and that's not good.
I was thinking about this the other day as I have been recently working through a new church detente with my wife. I think the fact that I have lurked here for years, and become more active here recently is a good thing. But I also don't think I would like her to read my posts. Too much sausage making going on in my thought process, which could be hurtful to her to read.
"Moderation in all things, especially moderation." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Be excellent to each other." - Abraham Lincoln to Bill & Ted

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