Finding my way

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
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Mr. Sneelock
Posts: 23
Joined: 19 Sep 2017, 08:06

Re: Finding my way

Post by Mr. Sneelock » 30 Nov 2017, 09:19

I really appreciate everyone's support and response to my story. It seems like there is a lot of interest in the porn issue and I understand that. I feel like I grew up in the first porn-saturated generation. Now society and the church are still trying to figure out exactly what the effects are and how to handle it. I agree with the sentiment that honest, open, non-shaming communication about sex and pornography is the best way to handle the environment in which we live. Removing the shame surrounding the topic will help the overwhelming majority of porn users to break their habit if they choose to do so.
On the other hand I have come to believe that for some people, sex/pornography/lust becomes an addiction as real as alcoholism. For the sexaholic, any unbridled lust or pornography or masturbation becomes increasingly addictive and leads to destructive behavior. Just as the average person can drink occasionally without becoming an alcoholic, the average person can lust/fantasize/look at porn or masturbate without becoming obsessed with sex. If you put that first drink in the hand of an alcoholic, however, all rational thinking flies out the window and he/she is powerless to stop. The same is true for lust with a sexaholic. The more I associate with addicts and read addiction literature, the more I see those traits in myself. Thankfully there are many lines that I have yet to cross (extramarital affairs, prostitutes, etc.) but I can see myself eventually going there if I don't find recovery.
As far as the marriage goes, every marriage is different and spouses react in various ways to differing levels of betrayal. My wife's feelings of hurt and trauma are real and in large part caused by my actions. Do upbringing and societal norms also play a role in her feelings? Of course, but those are things that I cannot change so I try to not focus on them. Maybe I was a little dramatic when I said that my marriage will "soon" be over if I don't recover, but it is not far from the truth. I don't blame my wife for not wanting to spend another ten years with an active addict. I do have hope for recovery and healing in our marriage as I own up to the damage I have done and seek recovery one day at a time.
. . . beauty for ashes . . .

Curt Sunshine
Site Admin
Posts: 16466
Joined: 21 Oct 2008, 20:24

Re: Finding my way

Post by Curt Sunshine » 01 Dec 2017, 08:43

I am of the opinion that we need to deal with ourselves and our unique situations - and not put our own views and situations onto others. If this is your situation, Inapplaud your recognition of core issues and attempt to change what is necessary.

God bless you in this effort. May there be a road.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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