This scares me

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SilentDawning
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Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

This scares me

Post by SilentDawning » 14 Feb 2019, 11:25

I read this article about the rise of narcissism in our society among the younger generation.

https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/327964

If any of you have ever worked with someone who is narcissistic, they can be among the most damaging people to be around -- particularly if you are a good-hearted empath. I stop short of calling the worst ones evil. But some narcissists who have written books even characterize themselves that way, and have no empathy about the impact on others.

If you become one of their targets, they create traumatic experiences so powerful, some people never recover. Others go into counseling. They even exist in our church -- I was a HT companion with one and it was awful. And another study indicates they LOVE to be trolls on internet discussion forums. Not here on StayLDS that I am aware of, but on others I have been on, they are alive and well.

The article above seems to point to instant gratification, the constant reward participation trophies, and other factors in our society as a possible cause. There is a greater tendency toward laziness as well than in previous generations.

In case you're wondering what narcissism is, then here are the traits as listed by the DSM -Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) used by mental health professionals.

A grandiose logic of self-importance
A fixation with fantasies of infinite success, control, brilliance, beauty, or idyllic love
A credence that he or she is extraordinary and exceptional and can only be understood by, or should connect with, other extraordinary or important people or institutions
A desire for unwarranted admiration
A sense of entitlement
Interpersonally oppressive behavior
No form of empathy
Resentment of others or a conviction that others are resentful of him or her
A display of egotistical and conceited behaviors or attitudes

More on the disorder here:

https://www.theravive.com/therapedia/na ... 1-(f60.81)

The way to deal with them -- no contact. No evidence they are bothering you in anyway so they move on to other targets.

Some have argued that some of the narcissistic traits are good in leadership positions. However, I don't find such traits worth the destruction the disorder causes to people around them.

So, whatever forces have created the rise of narcissism in our younger generation are certainly not promoting a Christlike society.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

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QuestionAbound
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Joined: 13 May 2013, 17:57

Re: This scares me

Post by QuestionAbound » 16 Feb 2019, 12:40

And when you are married to an introverted narcissist?
Heaven help you - 'cause you'll need it. :wtf:

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Gerald
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Joined: 29 Sep 2011, 04:57

Re: This scares me

Post by Gerald » 17 Feb 2019, 07:10

Having a little background in this area, I am skeptical of the Entrepreneur article. To make a diagnosis of narcissism requires more than a brief survey (which is, I imagine, the source of the fact provided). Clinical interviews are the approved method and those aren't going to be done with your average "millennial" unless a real problem becomes evident. The best such brief surveys would do would be to identify narcissistic traits as opposed to a narcissistic personality. Narcissistic traits does not a narcissistic personality make (otherwise we'd all be diagnosed with it). That is not to diminish the harm that someone with that personality disorder can do. Luckily, most people are not that extreme. That said, that doesn't mean there isn't a higher degree of self-absorption and fame obsession among millennials compared to past cohorts. And they certainly have their unique set of challenges. Members of the LDS Church (of any age, really) are not exempt from these problems (clinical or otherwise). I'd like to think, though, that regular exposure to traditional Christian principles of charity and service would be somewhat of a protective factor for members of any faith. But that's an empirical question, ultimately.
Some have argued that some of the narcissistic traits are good in leadership positions. However, I don't find such traits worth the destruction the disorder causes to people around them.
Interestingly, I read an article recently stating that as individuals move into leadership positions, it has a tendency to REDUCE their compassion and empathy. See here: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/ar ... ge/528711/ It sure made me think about the potential impact of leadership callings on members of the Church.
So through the dusk of dead, blank-legended And unremunerative years we search to get where life begins, and still we groan because we do not find the living spark where no spark ever was; and thus we die, still searching, like poor old astronomers who totter off to bed and go to sleep, to dream of untriangulated stars.
---Edwin Arlington Robinson---

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dande48
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Location: Wherever there is danger

Re: This scares me

Post by dande48 » 17 Feb 2019, 08:52

Gerald wrote:
17 Feb 2019, 07:10
Interestingly, I read an article recently stating that as individuals move into leadership positions, it has a tendency to REDUCE their compassion and empathy. See here: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/ar ... ge/528711/ It sure made me think about the potential impact of leadership callings on members of the Church.
I believe this. I also think that certain traits of narcissism make it more likely that a person will end up in leadership positions, but that doesn't necessarily make them good leaders. For example, overconfidence, certaintiy your are right even when you're probably wrong, taking credit for the good and passing blame for the bad, etc, etc. These do not make a good leaders. But they do make leaders.

Goodness does not often lead to outward success.
"The whole world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel." - Horace Walpole

"Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure."
-Lemony Snicket

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SamBee
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Re: This scares me

Post by SamBee » 17 Feb 2019, 15:51

There is no doubt that social media is warping minds in a way never seen before. Previous generations have been damaged by too much television and excessive merchandizing.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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SilentDawning
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Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Re: This scares me

Post by SilentDawning » 18 Feb 2019, 02:15

I like Gerald's commentary...here is a scholarly research article on the subject.

https://www.researchgate.net/publicatio ... n_Facebook

I suspect there were no interviews, but nonetheless, there seems to be evidence there are more narcissistic traits in the rising generation than before.

One thing -- I was HT companion to a self-confessed narcissist. He would make every home teaching family feel like dirt because they were poor, didn't have a house, didn't have a career, etcetera. And me too -- although I had a good career, I was new to American and had no house. We were raising young children and on one income, so shekels weren't plentiful. Every visit had to be in his BMW and the focus centered on his wealth, his elite job, his workout (he was good looking, although he didn't realize everyone knew he wore a toupee). He made families, even up and coming young professionals feel inferior when he carried on about his aggrandized self. He'd carry on about his wealth, his interesting job, how his wife was "an international expert on color" (she was a newspaper editor). At the time I didn't understand the disorder and didn't know he had it.

Now that I understand it, and can recognize an above average number of traits, I know how to deal with these people, but at the time, they seemed incorrigible.

I see how leadership tends to reduce empathy. There are a number of forces that do that, I think. One is the tough-guy/woman talk that "you can make the hard decisions". I've seen how proud these people can be when they have to make a "hard decision". To the point they forgo nicer methods. The availability of power is another. Yet another is just lack of time. I have tried not to let those forces kill Mr. Nice Guy inside me, but I know the temptation.

How to handle narcissists? One, don't let them know they got your goat. Be emotionless, look bored, and minimize contact. Don't insult them or do anything that hurts their inflated, false projected image, hold them accountable for stuff or tick them off if you can help it. They may not look like it affected them, but inside, they are seething. Many will plot revenge. Just get out and away from them.

And then, be successful, invest in GOOD, supportive relationships and leave them out of it. Nothing bothers them more (not that it's your motive), and it's good for your soul.

I eventually went no contact with my ex-HT companion after being sucked into his web.

I don't feel the church influence mitigated his need for narcissistic supply. He fed on it by using the church relationships to self-aggrandize. He used his TR-holding status and all the rest of that to make himself out as better than other people. When his marriage failed, he started a smear campaign against his ex-wife.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

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