Island of Misfit Toys

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longbottom
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Joined: 25 Sep 2017, 12:50

Island of Misfit Toys

Post by longbottom » 12 Apr 2018, 09:19

I have heard this term as a description of our group a few times on this board, and I was curious: before your FC, were you one (through high school, for example) who felt like they didn't fit in with the typical crowd? I'm wondering if there is a certain personality trait that we, as Questioners, have that makes us uncomfortable in the standard societal molds, or if we're generally a cross-section of all types of people who happen to have the same type of Stage 4 experiences? More specifically, on the Island of Misfit Toys, they are all toys that were rejected by those who wanted toys that matched their expectations. Have any of us "always known" that we often have thoughts and understandings that were different from the typical Mormon crowd? I always have.

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Katzpur
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Location: Salt Lake City

Re: Island of Misfit Toys

Post by Katzpur » 12 Apr 2018, 12:08

longbottom wrote:
12 Apr 2018, 09:19
I have heard this term as a description of our group a few times on this board, and I was curious: before your FC, were you one (through high school, for example) who felt like they didn't fit in with the typical crowd? I'm wondering if there is a certain personality trait that we, as Questioners, have that makes us uncomfortable in the standard societal molds, or if we're generally a cross-section of all types of people who happen to have the same type of Stage 4 experiences? More specifically, on the Island of Misfit Toys, they are all toys that were rejected by those who wanted toys that matched their expectations. Have any of us "always known" that we often have thoughts and understandings that were different from the typical Mormon crowd? I always have.
To some degree, yes, I always have. I think it was partly because I was raised by kind of unorthodox parents. They were active in the Church and had callings, but just didn't see a lot of things the way TBMs do. Even though I've always had a small circle of friends, I've never felt like I totally fit in with any group I belong to.
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." ~Rudyard Kipling ~

AmyJ
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Re: Island of Misfit Toys

Post by AmyJ » 12 Apr 2018, 13:24

longbottom wrote:
12 Apr 2018, 09:19
... before your FC, were you one (through high school, for example) who felt like they didn't fit in with the typical crowd?
I tried regularly to fit in/be like the other kids, and realized my chances of succeeding in that endeavor were very close to nil - not with who my parents were, my role in my family, who I am, and what I was passionate about. So I stopped trying to fit in just to fit in and expected not to fit in. I developed this theory that as long as I smiled, completed basic hygiene, showed up, and tried to be friendly I could carve my own niche. I also actually worked at finding people who wanted to form a group to fit in - I guess I became a group of one that others wandered into.
longbottom wrote:
12 Apr 2018, 09:19
More specifically, on the Island of Misfit Toys, they are all toys that were rejected by those who wanted toys that matched their expectations.
The older I get, the more I clarify and over-clarify what people can expect from me if they want to know me and hang out in my world. I expect to confuse/bewilder others. I expect to be rejected by the "in-crowds" regularly - and life has not failed me in this regard.

But surprisingly enough, people like hanging around me, consider me a good friend to have, and consider me to be an example - not a misfit. <Scratches Top of Head>
longbottom wrote:
12 Apr 2018, 09:19
Have any of us "always known" that we often have thoughts and understandings that were different from the typical Mormon crowd? I always have.
I tell my husband these days that I am statistically "1 in a million" - part humor, part truth, part we're-married-so-you're-stuck-with-me.

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Beefster
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Re: Island of Misfit Toys

Post by Beefster » 12 Apr 2018, 19:44

I've always felt like a misfit. I was lucky enough to go to a nerdy high school, so I had plenty of friends growing up, but I've never been interested in being popular. Conformity just isn't my thing.

I've always been a very curious person. When I was 4 or so, I wanted to figure out how our camcorder tape adapter worked and ended up breaking it instead. I am fascinated by all things engineering, whether software or hardware. I wondered how video games worked as a kid and to this day I still speculate on implementation details of everything. Weird gotchas in programming are fascinating to me and I love learning about programming languages.

I guess I'm the poster child for "Curiosity Killed the Cat"

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it also invented nuclear physics. It's a double edged sword I'll take any day.

Social norms have never made sense to me. They always seemed like arbitrary rules. I'm not talking about things like privacy, but more like "don't burp or fart in front of people" (even though it's a normal bodily function) or "fork on the left." Or manners that vary from country to country because they really are just arbitrary rules that nobles made up to distinguish them from peasants.

So yeah. I'm definitely a misfit and I question everything.
Boys are governed by rules. Men are governed by principles.

Often I hear doubt being presented as the opposite of faith but I think certainty does a better job of filling that role. Doubts can help faith grow, certainty almost always makes faith shrink. --nibbler

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LookingHard
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Re: Island of Misfit Toys

Post by LookingHard » 13 Apr 2018, 04:07

I felt that I fit in as I did all the things Mormon's do and kept the commandments.

My big struggle always was, "why is the spirit telling all these other people this is all true, but the spirit never will tell me?" So I buckled down harder over the decades and eventually I couldn't push any harder. Then it just look learning over a period of a year about the massive cover-up of church history and I had that moment, like many others had described, where on second I was a trying to be a believer and the next second I asked "could this be all false?" without the conclusion "of course it is true". The next second I was grasping with the question if there was a God (Mormonism wasn't even a question from that point on).

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SamBee
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Re: Island of Misfit Toys

Post by SamBee » 13 Apr 2018, 06:32

Beefster wrote:
12 Apr 2018, 19:44

I guess I'm the poster child for "Curiosity Killed the Cat"

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it also invented nuclear physics. It's a double edged sword I'll take any day.
Nuclear physics kills cats too. Remember Schrödinger.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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dande48
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Re: Island of Misfit Toys

Post by dande48 » 13 Apr 2018, 06:57

My personal belief, is that everyone is a "misfit". Everyone wants to be "normal", and everyone has a very specific idea of what that means. I believe that what we view as "normal" and what is actually normal are two very different things. We try our best to pretend we're "normal" and well balanced. Groups are established on common ground, and are most accepting on those who "fit in". And so we put on our best faces, watch what we say, pretend we're "ok", even though deep down we may (and probably do) diverge from the "norm" a great deal.

Image

So really, I think the whole world is an "Island of Misfit Toys". Everyone is special and unique... which is another way of saying everyone is very normal. The LDS group (a band of misfits) is held together by common belief, one which many of us diverge from. So we come to this group under the banner of being different, yet wanting to remain a part of, the LDS group. Yet, even STILL, this "Island of Misfit Toys" will reject you for voicing certain unpopular opinions, including:
  • Supporting Trump
  • Feeling homosexual practice is immoral
  • Supporting traditional gender roles
  • Favoring "White Culture"
Everyone will always be a misfit, no matter they go. But this island is pretty nice. I like it here.
"The whole world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel." - Horace Walpole

"Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure."
-Lemony Snicket

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Beefster
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Re: Island of Misfit Toys

Post by Beefster » 13 Apr 2018, 07:08

SamBee wrote:
13 Apr 2018, 06:32
Beefster wrote:
12 Apr 2018, 19:44

I guess I'm the poster child for "Curiosity Killed the Cat"

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it also invented nuclear physics. It's a double edged sword I'll take any day.
Nuclear physics kills cats too. Remember Schrödinger.
That's quantum mechanics.
Boys are governed by rules. Men are governed by principles.

Often I hear doubt being presented as the opposite of faith but I think certainty does a better job of filling that role. Doubts can help faith grow, certainty almost always makes faith shrink. --nibbler

Minyan Man
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Re: Island of Misfit Toys

Post by Minyan Man » 13 Apr 2018, 07:40

I go out of my way most of the time to be classified as a Misfit.
I will always question & challenge ideas or authority. (I was raised in the 60's & 70's)
I do it most of the time to see if a position, idea or decision can be justified or backed up with facts.
Many of us, on this forum, do it through sarcasm, humor or a challenge to an idea or opinion.

As a result: you will rarely receive a leadership position at church or your job.
Whenever I give a talk in Sacrament meeting, if there isn't one person who asks for a source
for what I've said, then, I haven't done my job. It means they were listening.

Who was the ultimate Misfit toy in history? Jesus Christ (We're in good company IMO)
Anyone can define me as a Misfit, but, do not consider me a toy to be played with & then discarded.
Our feelings & opinions matter.

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On Own Now
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Joined: 18 Jan 2012, 12:45

Re: Island of Misfit Toys

Post by On Own Now » 13 Apr 2018, 09:39

This site is a very diverse group. We only have two things in common: we no longer believe all that we once did and we are trying to stay somehow connected with the LDS Church. If there is a common methodology, I'd say that most here try to be as positive as they can be, given the differences of individuality and individual circumstances. Negative voices don't stick around much, I suspect because they don't fine the echo chamber they seek.

This is a site that largely exists to support those who are trying to find some way-forward. Although I frequently have my doubts, I would hope this site would be accepting regardless of political or religious beliefs.

To answer your specific prompt, I don't think there is an outsider-personality-gene that brings people here. Of course there are many here who feel that they never quite fit the mold, but making an assumption that that is true of most here is missing the point that we all got here through a Faith Crisis. To put it into 70's style language, we've got both jocks and stoners here.
longbottom wrote:
12 Apr 2018, 09:19
More specifically, on the Island of Misfit Toys, they are all toys that were rejected by those who wanted toys that matched their expectations.
I don't look at myself as having been rejected in any way. I chose the path I am on. My FC knocked me down. I got back up and started a new path forward. FWIW, I've only ever received love and acceptance from people in the Church in spite of my fall.
"Let us therefore no longer pass judgment on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of another." --Romans 14:13

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