I have no evidence these people have changed, and even if they did, the "10 experiences still lingering" are ready to pounce if they revert to it again. Or do something that even makes me wonder if they are reverting to it (even if in their mind, they are not). Their changing, of course, isn't the condition, or trigger for forgiveness, but it is a trigger for trusting them again and maybe lessening the hurt.LDS_Scoutmaster wrote: ↑11 Apr 2018, 11:57I still have these little feelings of mistrust. Even though our interactions have been fine for the last 90 times we've interacted, those former 10 are still lingering back in my mind. I'm really not one to hold a grudge, but like 'forgiveness does not equate to trust', I've forgiven but I can't trust. My conditioned response is not to trust.
I think lessening my church involvement has brought a ton of peace. When I move away, I will forget them.I don't know what will work for you, but don't give them anything more. Slip out from under the weight however you can and find peace.
As I've aged, lost my good looks and charisma, and see the possibliity of being single in the next 10-15 years, in retirement, I realize that no one really cares about your personal hell. They can't -- they can't let it absorb all their personal time as they have peace to achieve too. We are all independent "feeling centers" and have to own and manage our hurt and suffering as best we can on our own. People can help us get temporary relief and it helps, but ultimately, we are alone in dealing with it.
I like your idea of forgiving the person for "who they are". Although it may lack a bit of charity as it implies they are woefully deficient. That too is kind of judgmental.
The other thing, if the people who wronged us lined us up with sincere apologies and gifts and showed they'd changed, would even that change our minds? Remove the hurt and personal hell? Erase the "hum" that spells over into church inactivity or lack of commitment? I think not. The hum is more powerful than the words.