Heber13 wrote: ↑12 May 2020, 15:51I agree with Roy on this. It does seem from your posts that you are placing a certain meaning on the sacred nature of things, understandably from the teachings we receive in the church and in our families.Roy wrote: ↑21 Apr 2020, 21:19I know that it is easier said than done but I can't help but think that it doesn't have to be that way. The idea that someone that had an intimate moment with your gf/wife would be forever bonded to her is not doctrinal.Groundhog wrote: ↑21 Apr 2020, 07:51It's more of what you said when you talked to your counselor, the idea that my gf could be forever bonded to other people in a sacred way when it shouldn't be that way. I just find it disturbing to dwell on that thought, that even in the eternities there would be other people who know my wife intimately.
But as Roy said...it doesn't mean it has to be that way or that is all that matters.
It is either something from the past you cling to and let it bother you, or it is not and you let it go. There may have been other things that were sacred to you once, but in learning new things, you let it go and it doesn't bother you anymore. We often do that. Especially when they are no big deal to us. This one, however, keeps coming back and is a hard one for you. That doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, simply that this one sticks...it is there to be wrestled with...and it is difficult. We all discard stuff that is no big deal easily...but it is the ones that stick that cause us to struggle and grow by working through them. They are the ones we learn the most from.
Don't look at it as something is wrong with you because it is difficult. Just embrace it as something difficult for you. It just is. Now what will you choose to do about it?
If you can let it go, you would be good to do so.
If you can't, you might consider that now before you move to marry her, so that if you do marry her, you know if you can give her your whole heart and move forward and not keep bringing it up, or if you just can't and better to end things now.
There is no right or wrong, no black or white. There simply is your choice.
I know situations are all very different, and I don't intend to dismiss your thoughts or struggles with it. Just simply want to point out it doesn't have to be that way about it being so sacred that there are no options ever, it is what you choose to do with it. YOU are placing that definition on it and that meaning on the sacred nature, and it stays with you until you wrestle with that and let it go or put it in perspective with everything else to rationally process it.
I am divorced and remarried. My wife was divorced and remarried to me. If your logic holds true as a universal eternal truth about the nature of sacred things, we are condemned to never have our sacred marriage together. You might say "that is different" ...but it is not any more different than your situation from cnsl1 or any other. All are different. But what is the same? The idea that we create what is sacred in our hearts...and individual circumstances vary and we adapt to them. There are no absolutes.
Do you stay committed to ideas from past actions, or do you choose to move ahead and truly love going forward? That can determine what is sacred to you or not.
Situations are different, but principles are the same. Is Elizabeth Smart forever damaged as a person and never to have anything sacred in her life? There are too many examples out there to refute such thinking. We are all different. We are all damaged. We are all sinners. We are all sacred sons and daughters of God.“But the human spirit is resilient. God made us so. He gave us the ability to forgive. To leave our past behind. To look forward instead of back.”
“Ultimately, to get better, I simply made a choice.”
― Elizabeth Smart, My Story
Your thoughts on the meaning of the past does not need to be more powerful than actions moving forward to love and let go. Faith and love and the Atonement overcome anything in the past.
It sounds to me from your posts, groundhog, you know these things and have read it and heard it all before. So how do you let it go? How do you keep it from bothering you? How do you stop thinking and worrying?
I think you simply start today doing it. You can't always think about how you will start to not let it bother you, you can't always think it through. You sometimes just have faith and do it, and then the thoughts fall into perspective.
Realize the thoughts that come to you can be entertained or dismissed. They may keep coming back, but you can ignore them if you want. In time, the more often we dismiss the things that hold us back...the more we are focusing on the now and the future to make things as we want them to be. Many times, once we get our mind on the good things looking head, the past becomes less worrisome to us, and like other things that are no big deal to you, this becomes another one of those.
The Maori Proverb states:That is sacred. Love is sacred. Sex is just an earthly bodily thing...but love is what is sacred and eternal. Love can overcome the past thoughts that hold us back. So start today, and just keep moving forward with love in your heart.Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.
Choose your love, and love your choice.
Thank you everyone, and thank you Heber13.
I think I have found my way forward. For the longest time, I said that I just needed to get over it, that my gf did not do anything wrong to me, and that it all rested on me. And it did, but it glossed over and ignored a very fundamental fact that I didn't admit because my gf did nothing wrong. I glossed over that I still held her past against her. I was still choosing to be offended, choosing to let it be a stumbling block. How dare she take something that I wasn't even able to choose for myself? Even while telling her that I didn't hold it against her. It was a lie, because to think otherwise really made me feel crappy, like a villain. I could never be that person, the person who got caught up on one tiny little thing that wasn't a big deal. but here I was, being that exact person, so because it didn't logically make sense to me, I just glossed over it.
But I did hold it in my heart against her. So the answer I found, the way forward for me, was finally, to forgive. It seemed so silly. WHat was there to forgive? Even though she doesn't need it, it was for me. I needed to let it go, but not in a way where I just "forgot about it" or "ignored it." I had to acknowledge it, and then say, I forgive you (again, even though she didn't need it). And then forget anything that was destructive to my own thoughts. It wasn't easy. But knowing that I had the power of the Atonement at least let me have the strength to get on that road.
I can say that I feel lighter. It certainly doesn't rack my brain anymore. It's a work in progress but I just continually forget the destructive, dismiss the negative.
This was my answer. I don't know how helpful it is for anyone else. But I just wanted to let everyone know.