The Funniest Comment Thread in the History of Mormondom

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hawkgrrrl
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Re: The Funniest Comment Thread in the History of Mormondom

Post by hawkgrrrl » 19 Apr 2013, 19:19

Some of the stories shared in these comments were pretty funny too: http://bycommonconsent.com/2013/04/17/w ... date-ever/

I could not believe the one where the guy said he'd shoot a puppy! What is wrong with people?

The squirrel story in SM was hilarious. I also wondered about the "love of fine cheeses" being a mis-hear of something with "Jesus."

Curt Sunshine
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Re: The Funniest Comment Thread in the History of Mormondom

Post by Curt Sunshine » 19 Apr 2013, 19:29

I lived in the Boston area for six years. I can believe the love of fine cheeses was heard correctly. :lol:
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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SamBee
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Re: The Funniest Comment Thread in the History of Mormondom

Post by SamBee » 20 Apr 2013, 04:38

I went to see this film on a date, read the synopsis here and you'll see why it was inappropriate.-

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malice_(film)

It got suggested to her by her closet lesbian "friend", and I've always suspected it was deliberate as she was trying to make moves on her, and from what I hear, eventually succeeded.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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Re: The Funniest Comment Thread in the History of Mormondom

Post by Curt Sunshine » 03 Sep 2013, 23:35

Someone mentioned starting a post about weird things said in church, so I thought I would bump us this thread so everyone who missed it initially can spend a few hours laughing so hard they cry.

Seriously, have tissue with you when you read this. It is beyond hilarious.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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Heber13
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Re: The Funniest Comment Thread in the History of Mormondom

Post by Heber13 » 04 Sep 2013, 13:53

Ray...pretty funny thread on that other blog. Good entertaining reading. I might think they were all urban legends if I hadn't been to a F&T meeting myself.

Here's my story I can share...

I was conducting a meeting where we had asked a newly married and recently baptized member to speak. He read his talk word for word from his paper. It was mostly about how he met his wife, as they met online and talked for 14 hours a day on the phone or online. They shared a passion for dolphins. They decided to get married before they met in person. After meeting, and getting married, he joined the church.

It was a bit odd, but a sincere and nice short message.

After he was done, and closed in the name of Christ and said amen, he looked at the clock and said out loud that he was supposed to talk for 10 minutes. So, since he didn't fill that whole time, he said he would read his talk again. And he did. Word for word from the paper...repeated the whole talk.

Then he finished again. Looked at the clock, and said, he still had time and thought he had time to read it one more time.

That was when I passed him a note. He said into the microphone..."Well, I was just passed a note. Let's see what it says." he then read it out loud, which was basically that he could sit down when he was done with his talk and didn't need to fill the whole 10 minutes. He awkwardly said, "OK, I guess I'll sit down now".

Certainly spiced things up. Hadn't seen someone repeat a talk before.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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Sheldon
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Re: The Funniest Comment Thread in the History of Mormondom

Post by Sheldon » 04 Sep 2013, 15:07

While I was bishop, a woman bearing her testimony had her skirt fall down complete to the floor. It was an old building, and the seats on the stand were very close to the pulpit. My counselors face was just a few feet from the now panty covered bottom of this lady. The best part was she didn’t miss a beat. She saw what had happened, reached down and pulled up her skirt, and continued her testimony.

To this day people in the ward still come up to me and remind me of the incident. Thankfully the sister has moved.

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mercyngrace
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Re: The Funniest Comment Thread in the History of Mormondom

Post by mercyngrace » 04 Sep 2013, 17:59

I so needed this today!

I read quite a few to my kids and they were in stitches.

Worst story for me was when I was a kid and my dad was the bishop. This fellow comes walking in during the testimonies and goes right up to the pulpit dressed in robes and sandals and announces that he is Jesus Christ. I was traumatized when my dad and one of his counselors escorted the guy out. He was yelling and calling us all to repentance as they led him from the chapel.

Funniest time was when a brother got up to speak and then fainted at the pulpit. He went straight down. Never even got a word out. His wife came up to help revive him but first leaning into the microphone and said "When the Spirit hits, it really hits!"

Recently, we had a RS lesson on making sure our slips were the right length for our temple attire (not too long or short, ladies!) and got educated on the best laundry products for keeping our garments white as well. 'Cause that's what the temple is all about.

And then there was the time my young son (maybe 3 at he time) got tired of waiting for the closing prayer to end and yelled from the pews "Just say Amen already."
Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little. ~ Luke 7:47

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Heber13
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Re: The Funniest Comment Thread in the History of Mormondom

Post by Heber13 » 05 Sep 2013, 09:59

mercyngrace wrote:"Just say Amen already."
:lol:

oh...sometimes I wish I had the freedom kids have to say those exact words I'm thinking so many times.

...and also to lie down on the floor when I'm tired in SM. Kids get a free pass.

Your stories are too funny!!
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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Kumahito
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Re: The Funniest Comment Thread in the History of Mormondom

Post by Kumahito » 05 Sep 2013, 18:17

Ray, a thousand "thank yous" for posting this!

"Shiffer brains!"

"I'M NOT HUNGRY!"

*Tears rolling down my face*
"An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all."
- Oscar Wilde

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SamBee
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Re: The Funniest Comment Thread in the History of Mormondom

Post by SamBee » 06 Sep 2013, 12:37

We got a weird one in F&T today. A woman stood up and told us how she'd borne her testimony to a widower in the swimming pool. Not only that, the guy had his family tree, including pictures of his late wife, and his children TATTOED on his body, so she was able to talk to him about eternal families...
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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