Considering Death Yet at Peace

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SilentDawning
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Considering Death Yet at Peace

Post by SilentDawning » 12 Jul 2012, 17:35

Sorry for this dramatic subject line. I'm writing from a hospital bed where I'm being held for observation.

I only gained my full state of mind/normal view of the world a couple hours ago. I post this here because I had once posed the question about how you would all feel if you were near death -- about your status before the Church and God since many of us are unorthodox and perhaps not even held in approval by traditional believers.

Last night I woke up in what felt like a severe and prolonged heart attack. Ended up in an emergency ward after some treatment and significant pain. Doctors are suspecting heart issues. ...that is irrelevant other than to provide context.

While I was in the throes of the experience, I realized that what I was experiencing could well be my last bit of time on earth, or at least, the beginning of my earthly probation coming to an end....and I honestly looked at myself, my orientation toward the church etcetera. After I stablizied, I started asking myself how would I feel if I started moving toward a bright light? Was I full of horror? Was I nervous?

I felt at peace. At peace that things would work out and that God has a way of reconciling this complex world with your frailties. That my issues with the church and my orientation and ways of thinking would not necessarily doom me forever as some might predict. Also, a sense of acceptance of myself, my weaknesses, and the life long weaknesses I've found difficult to
change. And a sense that the journey would continue after this life. And a bit of excitement about what lay ahead, which would have to answer some of life's unverifiable questions.

It wasn't long before I stopped thinking about it and focused on solving the problems as they came up.

I just wanted to share this as I think part of learning to stay lds is being at peace with your own frailities and disconnects with the church, and having faith that God is fair and just.

I still don't know exactly what happened to me yet last night as a large battery of tests are in order, but I feel fine now phsyically although sore all over and fatigued. I'm not writing for any reason here other than to share what my impulses/native thoughts were as I faced what I felt might have been a fatal experience at the time.

Whether it was, or not, is incidental -- that fact that I really believed it was, and was able to experience my native reactions is what mattered, and the focus of what I wanted to share here. I think my definition of State 5 in my signature line has even deeper meaning to me now.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

Minyan Man
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Re: Considering Death Yet at Peace

Post by Minyan Man » 12 Jul 2012, 17:46

SD, thank you for letting us know. I know too that all of us on this site wish you well.
About a year ago, I had routine surgery with minor complications. It made me reflect on my life too.
I believe I came to the same conclusion that you did.

I like what you said:
I think part of learning to stay lds is being at peace with your own frailities and disconnects with the church, and having faith that God is fair and just.
I couldn't agree with you more.
Keep in touch. We want to hear more from you when you're able.

Mike from Milton.

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wayfarer
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Re: Considering Death Yet at Peace

Post by wayfarer » 12 Jul 2012, 17:54

wow. hope you get better.

I do know that feeling...and yes, I think regardless of what happens beyond if anything, peace should be part of the moment.

cheers!
"Those who speak don't know, those who know don't speak." Lao Tzu.
My seat in the bloggernacle: http://wayfaringfool.blogspot.com

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mercyngrace
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Re: Considering Death Yet at Peace

Post by mercyngrace » 12 Jul 2012, 18:03

SD ~

First, my house will be praying for you and your family. Second, this...
I felt at peace. At peace that things would work out and that God has a way of reconciling this complex world with your frailties. That my issues with the church and my orientation and ways of thinking would not necessarily doom me forever as some might predict. Also, a sense of acceptance of myself, my weaknesses, and the life long weaknesses I've found difficult to change. And a sense that the journey would continue after this life. And a bit of excitement about what lay ahead, which would have to answer some of life's unverifiable questions.
...moves me. I felt this five years ago as I stood on a foreboding precipice looking into the darkness of an unknown path. It freed me in ways I can't even explain. I hope you have many years ahead to live with this beautiful sense of wholeness and healing.
Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little. ~ Luke 7:47

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cwald
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Re: Considering Death Yet at Peace

Post by cwald » 12 Jul 2012, 18:11

Peace brother, peace. In this life, and perhaps in the next.

Sent from my SCH-I500 using Tapatalk 2
  Jesus gave us the gospel, but Satan invented church. It takes serious evil to formalize faith into something tedious and then pile guilt on anyone who doesn't participate enthusiastically. - Robert Kirby

afterall
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Re: Considering Death Yet at Peace

Post by afterall » 12 Jul 2012, 18:26

So glad you are feeling peaceful. That feeling will see you through. Was in a similar situation not that long ago myself.
Last edited by afterall on 13 Jul 2012, 07:30, edited 1 time in total.

Curt Sunshine
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Re: Considering Death Yet at Peace

Post by Curt Sunshine » 12 Jul 2012, 19:46

I wasn't happy to read about the cause of this post, friend, but I was happy to read your thoughts in it.

I sometimes think of Joseph's statement shortly before he died that his conscience was free of offense toward God and man. I know he offended people regularly, but I believe he was sincere in that statement. That used to puzzle me - greatly. What I have come to believe is that each of us only can answer to our own understanding of ourselves - to our effort to live the best we understand - to be whatever we believe we are supposed to be.

I know I also have offended people at times - sometimes here within this forum. I've done things that I believe "should" be offensive to God, but I've come to believe that they probably aren't - that he might look down and sigh as he watches me muddle through my life, but that he also understands I'm doing the best I can do. I have come to believe he appreciates that, and I am grateful for the peace that belief brings me as I also try to accept my own weakness and understand that I am worthy specifically because he has deemed me to be so. That perspective gives me peace, so I accept it and keep on keepin' on.

My prayers will be with you. As I like to quote, "May there be a road" - and may the peace you feel now remain with you on that road.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

doug
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Re: Considering Death Yet at Peace

Post by doug » 12 Jul 2012, 20:17

SilentDawning wrote:I felt at peace.
What more could you hope for?

Sorry to hear about your health issues. Nothing like a health scare to help you set your priorities in order. I'll be thinking about you.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. -- Mark Twain

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Forgotten_Charity
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Re: Considering Death Yet at Peace

Post by Forgotten_Charity » 12 Jul 2012, 20:23

Hi SD. I am new here but wanted to wish you well and pray for a warm recovery with the peace and love with Christ be with you. As much as we think we "know" the church is true sometimes, we really do not know. We believe in whole or in part. I came to a situation like this I my life quite early at age 16. I should have been dead according to the doctors. They were baffled. I searched I my heart,mind and spirit. After much confusion, some anger, I felt at peace with god and Christ. I felt the spirit I unexplainable ways.

Anyways I am thankful you are doing better and have felt the peace in your heart. That is so important in coming to a understanding of things as they are dispassionately but with warmth and peace. We all must find a way to do our best and be at peace with what ever that is.:-) I sincerely respect what you just shared. Thank you, and I best wishes to you and your family.:-)

rebeccad
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Re: Considering Death Yet at Peace

Post by rebeccad » 13 Jul 2012, 07:06

I felt at peace. At peace that things would work out and that God has a way of reconciling this complex world with your frailties
I admire that, I strive to it and think I have obtained it sometimes.

I also admire how you found good in a situation that must have been very frightening and could easily have been totally negative.
"The very same people who are good sometimes are the very same people who are bad sometimes, it's funny but it's true" -Fred Rogers

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