There is a very thought-provoking post over on BCC about "seeking pastoral care at BYU" that addresses that exact issue. (http://bycommonconsent.com/2011/11/10/s ... re-at-byu/) Hence, my first comment.
I guess what I’m hearing from you is, “Go ahead and share whatever, as long as your membership standing in the church (official or otherwise) isn’t very important to you.” Would you care to clarify?
I can see how you read it that way, but it's not what I meant. My membership is very important to me, but I still share lots of things that I know some who hear aren't going to accept or like immediately. In some cases, I know some people are going to disagree strongly with and dislike some of what I share. I do it in Sacrament Meeting talks, in Sunday School, in HPG lessons, in Stake Leadership meetings, etc.
Rather, I meant that WE have control over what we share and what we don't - and with whom we share and with whom we don't - and when we share and when we don't - and how we share and how we don't - and why we share and why we don't - etc. We can choose to act as agents onto ourselves (by making that choice without a universal answer that is the same for all circumstances), or we can choose to allow ourselves to be acted upon (by having a universal answer that dictates our action no matter the differing circumstances). We just have to understand that there might be consequences as a result of our choice.
I'd rather know the potential consequences and make my choice accordingly than default to a position of never talking with anyone in any position of authority, mostly since I have had "leaders" with whom I could talk about pretty much anything and "leaders" with whom I don't share much of anything. I've learned to share in such a way that the first group is MUCH larger than the second group - but the point is that there are two different groups, and I believe the ideal is to understand that fact and share whatever your feel is right to share (even if that is nothing) in each situation, with each person, knowing full well the potential consequences.
Also, consequences and potential consequences are part and parcel of ALL human interaction. It is impossible to weed that out of the Church. If you doubt that, consider your marriage. I'd be willing to bet you have learned the necessity of tact, discernment and a closed mouth if you've been married for longer than . . . maybe two days . . . at the most.