Joke of the Day

Public forum for topics that don't fit into the other categories.
nibbler
Posts: 3239
Joined: 14 Nov 2013, 07:34
Location: Ten miles west of the exact centre of the universe

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by nibbler » 27 Oct 2017, 09:44

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump.
I said, "Don't do it!"
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.

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SamBee
Posts: 4330
Joined: 14 Mar 2010, 04:55

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by SamBee » 12 Nov 2017, 10:59

A few years before the outbreak of WWI, David Morris, a Welsh protestant minister, was in a terrible shipwreck. He found himself washed up, alone, on the shores of a small and uninhabited island.

It was ten years before he was rescued. A ship was passing and had seen his smoke-signal.

The captain himself came ashore to meet the castaway, and was very impressed at the way Morris had kept himself busy bringing civilisation to the island.

"Oh I say! You've done very well! You were stranded here alone with no tools and you've built a little terrace of houses, a shop, an electricity generator ... Oh, and you've built a chapel on the hill over there!"

The captain then noticed another chapel on the other hill. "But tell me, why did you build two of them?"

Morris replied: "Well, that's the one I go to, see? And the other's the one I don't go to."
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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