Joke of the Day

Public forum for topics that don't fit into the other categories.
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Heber13
Posts: 6550
Joined: 22 Apr 2009, 16:37
Location: In the Middle

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Heber13 » 04 Jan 2017, 09:02

:lol: ...that made me laugh.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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Minyan Man
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Joined: 15 Sep 2011, 13:40

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Minyan Man » 10 Feb 2017, 18:48

This isn't exactly a joke. I'm going to tell it anyway.
I just had a conversation with my 5 yr old grandson tonite. I asked him if he ever ate lobster. Without hesitating he said yes.
I asked when did you have lobster & he said in heaven. God gave it to him. I said did you like it. He said no, not particularly.
He said he had to eat because God gave it to him.

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mom3
Posts: 3190
Joined: 02 Apr 2011, 14:11

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by mom3 » 10 Feb 2017, 19:45

Minyan - That is funny. I love kids.
"I stayed because it was God and Jesus Christ that I wanted to follow and be like, not individual human beings." Chieko Okazaki Dialogue interview

"I am coming to envision a new persona for the Church as humble followers of Jesus Christ....Joseph and his early followers came forth with lots of triumphalist rhetoric, but I think we need a new voice, one of humility, friendship and service. We should teach people to believe in God because it will soften their hearts and make them more willing to serve." - Richard Bushman

nibbler
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Joined: 14 Nov 2013, 07:34
Location: Ten miles west of the exact centre of the universe

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by nibbler » 16 Apr 2017, 16:00

For SD.
Image

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LookingHard
Posts: 2634
Joined: 20 Oct 2014, 12:11

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by LookingHard » 17 Apr 2017, 10:43

I LOVE Nibbler's sense of humor.

I tried my hand and some humor (and even a bit of cynicism) on my latest blog post.

https://wheatandtares.org/2017/04/15/le ... the-leaks/

I am still upset that I didn't think ahead and have this ready for April 1st.

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Sheldon
Posts: 409
Joined: 14 Aug 2013, 13:44

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Sheldon » 19 Apr 2017, 20:04

Said in my best Sheldon voice

"Heisenberg is driving along and gets pulled over for speeding.
The cop said "Did you know you were going 85 mph?"
Heisenberg replies, "I do now, but I have know idea where I'm at!"

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LookingHard
Posts: 2634
Joined: 20 Oct 2014, 12:11

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by LookingHard » 20 Apr 2017, 05:17

Sheldon wrote:
19 Apr 2017, 20:04
Said in my best Sheldon voice

"Heisenberg is driving along and gets pulled over for speeding.
The cop said "Did you know you were going 85 mph?"
Heisenberg replies, "I do now, but I have know idea where I'm at!"
And then I see Sheldon with a grin on his face expecting everyone else to burst into laughter, but instead Penny just looks confused.

amateurparent
Posts: 951
Joined: 19 Jan 2014, 20:43

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by amateurparent » 20 Apr 2017, 05:25

Overheard in Walmart:

" I'm buying flowers to save my doors .. you know .. those cheap hollow doors that don't handle slamming very well"
I have no advance degrees in parenting. No national credentials. I am an amateur parent. I read, study, and learn all I can to be the best parent possible. Every time I think I have reached expert status with one child for one stage in their life, something changes and I am back to amateur status again. Now when I really mess up, I just apologize to my child, and explain that I am indeed an amateur .. I'm still learning how to do this right.

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SamBee
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Joined: 14 Mar 2010, 04:55

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by SamBee » 20 Apr 2017, 07:09

Sheldon wrote:
19 Apr 2017, 20:04
Said in my best Sheldon voice

"Heisenberg is driving along and gets pulled over for speeding.
The cop said "Did you know you were going 85 mph?"
Heisenberg replies, "I do now, but I have know idea where I'm at!"
I got pulled over by the police at Christmas a few years ago, in one of their random drink driving drives and when they asked me if I was drinking I told them "no" and they replied "Well, you've obviously come from somewhere."

There were several clever Dick replies I could have made to that stupid statement. I never did.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

nibbler
Posts: 3239
Joined: 14 Nov 2013, 07:34
Location: Ten miles west of the exact centre of the universe

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by nibbler » 23 Apr 2017, 16:40

http://babylonbee.com/news/local-baptis ... ard-sauce/

Local Baptist Careful To Fully Immerse Chick-Fil-A Nuggets In Honey Mustard Sauce

Image
RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA—”Lots of people just pour or sprinkle,” local Baptist Ryan Etherton says as he slowly lowers his fourth Chick-fil-A nugget into his tub of honey mustard, careful to cover all surfaces of the fried chicken product entirely. “As for me and my house, we utilize total immersion, just like Jesus and His disciples taught.”

Etherton is a leader of the Dining Biblically Foundation, which is part of a larger grassroots movement to promote Baptist principles in fast food eating methods.

“It’s the only proper mode of nugget dipping,” Etherton told reporters Friday. “Not once do we see the disciples instructed to ‘sprinkle’ honey mustard, ranch, or barbecue sauce on their Chick-fil-A.”

“It’s full immersion or it doesn’t count,” he added.

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