Joke of the Day

Public forum for topics that don't fit into the other categories.
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nibbler
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by nibbler » 14 Mar 2016, 10:39

Continuing the theme of "jokes your grandpa told you":

What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?
"Make me one with everything."
The Buddhist gives him a $50 and the vendor pockets it.
The Buddhist asks for change and the vendor replies, "Change comes from within."
Of course I don’t want to get knocked down. But the single and sole solution to that fear is to not go anywhere where I can be knocked down. And is that not already being knocked down?
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

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LookingHard
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by LookingHard » 15 Mar 2016, 11:52

I didn't think this one up, but it is a good one. Hawkgrrrl once again had a great blog http://www.wheatandtares.org/20510/the- ... -glurge-2/ After reading I am up on what "glurge" means.

But one of the comments was
The one that I testify is true is that my uncle , during a firefight in Iraq, was hit by a bullet in his chest, but ubelievably was saved as it lodged in 2 Nephi, proving without a shadow of a doubt that even a bullet can’t get through Isaiah!

Curt Sunshine
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Curt Sunshine » 18 Jun 2016, 14:45

What do you get a priest for Father's Day?
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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nibbler
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by nibbler » 07 Oct 2016, 04:58

Image
Of course I don’t want to get knocked down. But the single and sole solution to that fear is to not go anywhere where I can be knocked down. And is that not already being knocked down?
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

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Mrs. SuperChicken
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Mrs. SuperChicken » 07 Nov 2016, 17:41

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plata zorro f.jpg (45.6 KiB) Viewed 502 times

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SamBee
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by SamBee » 09 Nov 2016, 03:23

nibbler wrote:Image
So true!
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

Curt Sunshine
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Curt Sunshine » 26 Dec 2016, 18:23

Our 18-year-old daughter just came up with this one.
A Jehovah's Witness enters the movie theater, slides down the row, and asks:
Is this seat saved?
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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Heber13
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Heber13 » 30 Dec 2016, 09:00

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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SamBee
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by SamBee » 03 Jan 2017, 17:15

Heber13 wrote:Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Oh it's had plenty of prophets - Nietzsche, Dawkins, Voltaire, Mao...
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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nibbler
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by nibbler » 04 Jan 2017, 07:59

Image
Of course I don’t want to get knocked down. But the single and sole solution to that fear is to not go anywhere where I can be knocked down. And is that not already being knocked down?
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

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