Joke of the Day

Public forum for topics that don't fit into the other categories.
nibbler
Posts: 3589
Joined: 14 Nov 2013, 07:34
Location: Ten miles west of the exact centre of the universe

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by nibbler » 27 Oct 2017, 09:44

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump.
I said, "Don't do it!"
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.

User avatar
SamBee
Posts: 4819
Joined: 14 Mar 2010, 04:55

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by SamBee » 12 Nov 2017, 10:59

A few years before the outbreak of WWI, David Morris, a Welsh protestant minister, was in a terrible shipwreck. He found himself washed up, alone, on the shores of a small and uninhabited island.

It was ten years before he was rescued. A ship was passing and had seen his smoke-signal.

The captain himself came ashore to meet the castaway, and was very impressed at the way Morris had kept himself busy bringing civilisation to the island.

"Oh I say! You've done very well! You were stranded here alone with no tools and you've built a little terrace of houses, a shop, an electricity generator ... Oh, and you've built a chapel on the hill over there!"

The captain then noticed another chapel on the other hill. "But tell me, why did you build two of them?"

Morris replied: "Well, that's the one I go to, see? And the other's the one I don't go to."
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

User avatar
SamBee
Posts: 4819
Joined: 14 Mar 2010, 04:55

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by SamBee » 11 Feb 2018, 09:42

I was opening up the building this morning and heard a hissing sound coming from the chapel and cultural hall... at first, I thought there was a problem with the boiler but when I went in there, there were all these pythons and rattlers writhing about on the floor like an Indiana Jones movie.

"OH NO!" I screamed and I was about to phone pest control on my cellphone when a nine foot cobra sidled up to me and said, "Ssshh! Quiet! Switch off your phone. We're holding Snake Conference!"
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

User avatar
SamBee
Posts: 4819
Joined: 14 Mar 2010, 04:55

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by SamBee » 12 May 2018, 07:40

DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

User avatar
Heber13
Posts: 6828
Joined: 22 Apr 2009, 16:37
Location: In the Middle

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Heber13 » 12 May 2018, 08:00

:clap: :lol:
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

nibbler
Posts: 3589
Joined: 14 Nov 2013, 07:34
Location: Ten miles west of the exact centre of the universe

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by nibbler » 12 May 2018, 09:08

Someone in your SS class after you make a comment:

Image

You after someone else makes a commend in your SS class:

Image

User avatar
dande48
Posts: 897
Joined: 24 Jan 2016, 16:35
Location: Wherever there is danger

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by dande48 » 15 May 2018, 13:23

"The whole world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel." - Horace Walpole

"Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure."
-Lemony Snicket

Post Reply