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Finally saying hi

Posted: 21 Apr 2019, 01:47
by thegreythinker
I’ve been lurking on this site for a while and I finally decided to introduce myself.

I’m a single, 32 year old female, and I’ve never been married. I grew up in a very black and white orthodox Mormon family. All my life I never felt there was anything wrong with the gospel. Then this last year, I started questioning a few things, but It didn't cause me to start losing my testimony. It did however, get me to start looking at the church with an open mind. That caused me to start seeing the problems within the gospel and I started questioning everything. I've now lost most of my faith and it's been hard. I feel like my foundation has crumbled from underneath me.

Here’s where I’m at in my life:

I’m still going to church even though I'm having a hard time believing it's true because I like the community. Also, because I haven't told my parents about my faith crisis and I don’t want to devastate them, (they think the worst thing you could do in your life is go in active).

I haven’t been reading the Book of Mormon since President Nelson gave us women the BOM challenge because I’m not sure whether it’s true or not, (I’ve never gotten a confirmation that it is even though I've sought out an answer many times).

I don’t care to go to the temple anymore, but I still want to have a temple recommend so I can support friends and family that get married.

I still keep the commandments and strive to live a righteous life, even though I’m not sure what I believe anymore. I like to think Heavenly Father and Jesus are real, but I’ve become somewhat agnostic.

On a good note, I told one of my brothers, (who’s become a grey thinker like me) about my faith crisis and he’s been really understanding. He says he’ll support me in whatever I decide to do. I haven’t told anyone else in my family and I don’t plan to.

I'm grateful I've found this site. I feel this is great community where I won't be judged and where I can get lots of support.

Re: Finally saying hi

Posted: 21 Apr 2019, 05:00
by DarkJedi
Hi, welcome to the community. I'm glad you found us too. You are more fortunate than many people here in that you have your brother to talk to and that's great. I hope we can be of help and support to you and vice versa. My standard advice is take it slow, don't dump all at once, and focus on what you do believe. A belief in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is a good start.

Re: Finally saying hi

Posted: 21 Apr 2019, 06:50
by dande48
Happy you found us, GreyThinker.

The toughest thing about a faith transition, is the loss of community. When you're a member, especially born and raised, it feels like your entire network is LDS. The sad thing is, religious discrimination is very real when you don't fit into the status quo. It makes a hard transition even harder. It's good to have a place like this, where we can work through our thoughts, vent a little, and try to find our place.

I'm glad to have your voice in this forum, and look forward to your comments. We're here for you, should you need anything.
thegreythinker wrote:
21 Apr 2019, 01:47
I still keep the commandments and strive to live a righteous life, even though I’m not sure what I believe anymore.
Also, I just wanted to say this is super important. Chances are your views will shift, but I think it's very important not to toss everything aside. Some aspects of the Church are really good, even if our original basis for beliving in them turns out to be false. "Don't throw babies out with the bath water." ;)

Re: Finally saying hi

Posted: 21 Apr 2019, 17:23
by On Own Now
hi tgt,

I look forward to hearing from you on this forum. For now, I just want to tell you how sorry I am that you are going through this. Believe it or not, there is a lot of good that can enter your life BECAUSE of the faith crisis, but there is no getting around the fact that right now it is bringing a lot of pain for you. I have described it as a punch in the gut. I've called it the Great Disappointment. My story was not that much different from yours at its core, though I was married and had children. The tears flowed. I was deeply saddened. The overwhelming feeling for me was a loss of sense of purpose. But over time and with the help of loved ones, my own philosophical reboot, and the wonderful folks at this site, I have been able to establish a new satisfaction with my place in the universe. I feel at-peace with the Church and its people.

For now, we are here to help you however we can and to hear from you as you learn and grow into your new life. Just know that we care and although we all have different stories, different hot-buttons, different circumstances, different approaches, and different beliefs, we want to share our experiences together in a loose community of like-minded. I hope you will remain a part of it. It really is something wonderful.

Re: Finally saying hi

Posted: 21 Apr 2019, 17:33
by SilentDawning
Helloe TGT - I like the fact you still find it OK to hold a TR. Once you fall off that wagon things get way more complicated. If you can keep being an outward member of the community, even though inwardly you are a grey thinker, then you've solved a lot of community problems right there. I envy you!

Re: Finally saying hi

Posted: 21 Apr 2019, 17:44
by Minyan Man
Welcome Grey Thinker, I support everything that's been said to date. This is a good place to work out what your thoughts & beliefs are & what they
are going to be. I don't think that our belief system was ever meant to be static. I think it is meant to be an adventure of self discovery. Whatever
that means. Keep coming back. We want to hear more from you.

Re: Finally saying hi

Posted: 22 Apr 2019, 11:33
by Roy
Welcome TGT,

The other day my overly literal 10 year old son said that he will love me forever. Then he qualified that by saying that he may not love me forever because he does not know what happens after death. I told him that i have hope that some part of me will continue on after death and that whatever part of me that is eternal will love whatever part of him that is eternal forevermore.

It can be hard to not have confidence in specific eternal promises tied to specific earthly actions. However, life and relationships are still at the center of it all.

Thank you for giving an intro. feel free to jump into the conversation. We need your voice and life experience.

Re: Finally saying hi

Posted: 22 Apr 2019, 14:27
by Curt Sunshine
Welcome. Thanks for the introduction. I think you will fit in well here.

Re: Finally saying hi

Posted: 22 Apr 2019, 17:09
by thegreythinker
SilentDawning wrote:
21 Apr 2019, 17:33
Helloe TGT - I like the fact you still find it OK to hold a TR. Once you fall off that wagon things get way more complicated. If you can keep being an outward member of the community, even though inwardly you are a grey thinker, then you've solved a lot of community problems right there. I envy you!
Thanks! Honestly, if my family wasn't such black and white strong members, I wouldn't bother having a recommend. Since they are, I don't want them to be suspicious about my faith crisis so I continue to have one.

Re: Finally saying hi

Posted: 22 Apr 2019, 17:28
by thegreythinker
Thank you everyone for your kind words! I really appreciate your support!