What to carry with me

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
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Daughter1
Posts: 44
Joined: 28 Mar 2019, 21:19

What to carry with me

Post by Daughter1 » 05 Apr 2019, 11:04

Hi,
I've been lurking here for a little while after my mom encouraged me to look over the site. After my Dad left the church over a decade ago, I have spent time renegotiating how I relate to the church. In full faith, about 18 months ago I took up the honestly-getting-old-and-meaningless challenge to read the entire Book of Mormon. I took it very seriously. I journaled the entire experience. I began my daily reading with a prayer and with Moroni's promise. As I read, I became more and more desperate to receive the witness it was true. I kept getting more desperate because as I read, I became more and more certain that the LDS church is missing the point of the BoM. By the end of my experiment, I realized that more than ever before, I am confident that the LDS church does not hold the corner on truth.
Now I'm just trying to figure out what this means for my life. What parts are true? Which are important for me and my relationship with God? What does my life look like now? I'm not angry. I'm not even very sad most days. But I'm confused, lost, and very tired. And I'm here to discover who I am without the role I was raised to.
I don't think there could ever be just one single philosophy or one single religion. Since there are so many different types of people, with a range of tendencies and inclinations, it is quite fitting that there are differences between religions. And the fact that there are so many different descriptions of the religious path shows how rich religion is. - HH the XIV Dalai Lama

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On Own Now
Posts: 1736
Joined: 18 Jan 2012, 12:45

Re: What to carry with me

Post by On Own Now » 05 Apr 2019, 12:11

Welcome, Daughter1.

I'm glad you're here. I look forward to hearing your voice here and seeing the perspective you bring. Like you, and so many others here, I took it all very seriously and then experienced what I sometimes refer to as The Great Disappointment. After that, what I have found is that opening our spiritual eyes allows for light to flow in, in spite of our initial thought that it all the light is gone. Everyone has a different take on what is important after experiencing a Faith Crisis. Some stay close to LDS doctrine, while at the same time accepting the Church as having an important role. Others depart. I have found my own way through all of this and I'm sure you can find your own way (which likely will be different from mine). I hope for the best for you as you redefine all this for yourself. We're here to help and also here to learn from you.
"Let us therefore no longer pass judgment on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of another." --Romans 14:13

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Rumin8
Posts: 87
Joined: 25 Mar 2018, 14:00

Re: What to carry with me

Post by Rumin8 » 05 Apr 2019, 12:23

Welcome, Daughter1!

You are among friends. What a great journey you have in front of you! I am excited for you! This experience we share is "all the things." All emotions. I wish you the best with your journey and experiences. There are lots of resources and threads on this site that will help you. I know one thing that has helped me is to separate "the church" from my spirituality. I'm still working on this, and some days it is very hard. But what I can say is that the church now is part of my spirituality for sure, but there is so much more out there to be learned and experienced. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. It also does not need to happen all at once, or even quickly! Best of luck to you!
"Moderation in all things, especially moderation." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Be excellent to each other." - Abraham Lincoln to Bill & Ted

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mom3
Posts: 3927
Joined: 02 Apr 2011, 14:11

Re: What to carry with me

Post by mom3 » 05 Apr 2019, 12:36

;)
"I stayed because it was God and Jesus Christ that I wanted to follow and be like, not individual human beings." Chieko Okazaki Dialogue interview

"I am coming to envision a new persona for the Church as humble followers of Jesus Christ....Joseph and his early followers came forth with lots of triumphalist rhetoric, but I think we need a new voice, one of humility, friendship and service. We should teach people to believe in God because it will soften their hearts and make them more willing to serve." - Richard Bushman

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nibbler
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Joined: 14 Nov 2013, 07:34
Location: Ten miles west of the exact centre of the universe

Re: What to carry with me

Post by nibbler » 05 Apr 2019, 13:37

Daughter1 wrote:
05 Apr 2019, 11:04
Now I'm just trying to figure out what this means for my life. What parts are true? Which are important for me and my relationship with God? What does my life look like now?
It's exciting, isn't it!

I know that's not the right thing to say while in the more acute phases of a transition, but that's largely where I've landed. Kind of another take on this:

Image
Daughter1 wrote:
05 Apr 2019, 11:04
I'm not angry. I'm not even very sad most days. But I'm confused, lost, and very tired.
I've had that same experience. When I get tired I've tried to find ways to put down the loads I'm carrying. I didn't always give myself permission to do that, so doing that now is a learning process.

I grew up in and live in a region with rolling hills and lots and lots of trees. It's interesting to hear missionaries from Utah that serve in my area. They grew up in flatter areas with longer vistas and they'll often say that the trees here make them feel claustrophobic, like they are trapped. There's no one true biome, it probably comes down to what we're used to and what we grew up with, but I found the comparatively barren vistas in Utah where I could see things from 20 miles out to be kind of depressing. I liked the surprises around every corner that my woods afforded me.

Where am I going with this? Don't know, doesn't matter.

I grew up without the church. I seemed to do fine. One day I joined the church and learned that life had a purpose. Before then I didn't even know that life needed one. :P After a few decades the purpose became a little too rigid for my tastes, a little too pre-defined. Seeing everything 20 miles out stifled my sense of adventure. Sure, in my woods I don't know whether there's a grizzly bear waiting to eat me around the next corner, but what difference would that make if I could see the grizzly bear charging at me from 20 miles out? The grizzly is gonna get fed.

But life is a journey. With church I've learned things I never would have learned on my own and if all you learn is, "I don't like that but I do like this" you've learned something very important.
It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words, "And this too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!
― Abraham Lincoln

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Daughter1
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Joined: 28 Mar 2019, 21:19

Re: What to carry with me

Post by Daughter1 » 05 Apr 2019, 20:45

Thank you for the warm welcome. The wishes and congratulations about the excitement of this moment really did help me see it in a new light.

I guess the one other thing I really want to share right now is what I do believe. From what I have learned and what I've seen here, knowing your baseline "testimony" (or whatever you want to call it) helps when you're relating to others and to new concepts or tough concepts.

1. I know God loves me. He loves each of His children.
2. The temple means a lot to me and was a very important spiritual experience.
3. There is truth within the LDS church. There is also truth within other religions.
4. God speaks to each of His children individually. And I believe that this trumps general instruction to groups.

I'm really glad I came here and I'm excited to explore life with the support of this group. Thanks everyone!
I don't think there could ever be just one single philosophy or one single religion. Since there are so many different types of people, with a range of tendencies and inclinations, it is quite fitting that there are differences between religions. And the fact that there are so many different descriptions of the religious path shows how rich religion is. - HH the XIV Dalai Lama

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SilentDawning
Posts: 7182
Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Re: What to carry with me

Post by SilentDawning » 06 Apr 2019, 14:41

Daughter1 wrote:
05 Apr 2019, 11:04
Hi,
I've been lurking here for a little while after my mom encouraged me to look over the site. After my Dad left the church over a decade ago, I have spent time renegotiating how I relate to the church. In full faith, about 18 months ago I took up the honestly-getting-old-and-meaningless challenge to read the entire Book of Mormon. I took it very seriously. I journaled the entire experience. I began my daily reading with a prayer and with Moroni's promise. As I read, I became more and more desperate to receive the witness it was true. I kept getting more desperate because as I read, I became more and more certain that the LDS church is missing the point of the BoM. By the end of my experiment, I realized that more than ever before, I am confident that the LDS church does not hold the corner on truth.
Now I'm just trying to figure out what this means for my life. What parts are true? Which are important for me and my relationship with God? What does my life look like now? I'm not angry. I'm not even very sad most days. But I'm confused, lost, and very tired. And I'm here to discover who I am without the role I was raised to.
Welcome Daughter1. I remember the emptiness I felt when I had the similar realizations. In my case, it was realization I couldn't commit fully to the traditional believer's path as I had done the previous 20 years. True or not -- at the time.

And then, as I made adjustments, it was like I'd eaten from the fruit of the tree of knowledge -- and my eyes were opened. I saw the church much more clearly -- its problems, its strengths, and my own way within in.

Post issue by issue here on StayLDS, get feedback and then draw your own conclusions. One by one...

As far as the parts that are true, you need to decide for yourself. Certain parts are easier to accept and make sense...for me, the existence of God is one truth I don't have a problem with. The need for repentance, good living, are true parts. BoM is a good book of spiritual knowledge provided it's not taken as a strict historical record. One needs to make sure one separates "doctrine" or "culture" or "policy" that is meant to make you a good Mormon, from the same that is out to make you a good person. Keep the good person direction and decide what you think of the other stuff.

I am happier, from a church perspective, than I ever was as a traditional believer --seriously -- there is more joy ahead as you navigate your path. Once on your own clock, and accepting that you don't have to believe everything you hear at church, and willing to sacrifice status in the local ward, it becomes much easier. Fill your life up with other things that bring you meaning -- while staying in the church for its good parts. That way has given me a lot of peace, growth, freedom, and blessings...
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

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DarkJedi
Posts: 6529
Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: What to carry with me

Post by DarkJedi » 07 Apr 2019, 08:20

Welcome. Looks like you got the "focus on what you do believe" part. Don't dump the rest all at once. This is a safe place to explore and discuss your thoughts and feelings.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

My Introduction

Curt Sunshine
Site Admin
Posts: 16464
Joined: 21 Oct 2008, 20:24

Re: What to carry with me

Post by Curt Sunshine » 07 Apr 2019, 09:12

No time to add anything substantial, but I want to welcome you to our little corner of the world.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

Roy
Posts: 5515
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: What to carry with me

Post by Roy » 07 Apr 2019, 14:11

Daughter1 wrote:
05 Apr 2019, 11:04
Now I'm just trying to figure out what this means for my life. What parts are true? Which are important for me and my relationship with God? What does my life look like now? I'm not angry. I'm not even very sad most days. But I'm confused, lost, and very tired. And I'm here to discover who I am without the role I was raised to.
Daughter1, I recently told my 13 year old daughter that Mom and I are proud of her for the young woman that she is becoming. She is making her own way and sorting things out. She has a good head on her shoulder and we are confident in her abilities but that does not mean that she has go it alone. No matter what challenge, set-back, or soul crushing defeat she might face in life - No matter how old she becomes - She can retreat back to our love, acceptance, and support as parents. She can rest and recharge within our loving and accepting embrace until she is ready to go out and try again.

Daughter1, I know that you have good parents that offer the same to you. We are all a little confused, lost, and tired (and sometimes sad and angry too). This is normal. This is part of the human condition. Do not stay stagnant because there are gaps in what you know (and believe). Move forward with the truths that you have. Build a future that is meaningful for you. Not everything will go according to plan. Sometimes you just need a cry and a hug (sometimes a long, long cry and a long, long hug). When you are ready, go out and build some more.

Welcome to the group. I hope that we can be helpful as you move forward.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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