unique but similar
Posted: 01 Sep 2018, 17:15
My story is unique in that it is mine, yet similar to many here on this forum. I was BIC, had read the BOM by the time I was eight, would go to bed listening to GC talks as a teenager and on the weekends would pull weeds at the local church knowing that I was pleasing Jesus. Did all the things TBM are suppose to do, and credit much of who I have become today to the gospel and its teachings. Trying to be a good husband, father and contributing member of the church and society.
My questioning began in college, basic things like, “How can I tell a muslim that his prophet could not see angels, receive divine revelation, and write a sacred book of scripture, but my prophet could do all those exact things and be “the only true church”. Given that Islam does not except Christ as a God or a Savior it is hard for me to buy that Allah and Heavenly Father or the same. I found it interesting that Christians could find the immaculate conception, Jesus walking on the water and feeding five thousand perfectly fine, but couldn’t except a vision to a boy, angels appearing and miracles occurring in 1800’s. Religions fascinate me as everyone clamoring to speak for God, yet have such different views of God. Has much changed since 1820, or really since the beginning of the modern human. We use the term “God” so much that it is hard to truly grasp what anyone is trying to convey. Maybe that is part of the mystery.
Then my grandfather died, he was old and ready to die but while so many have spiritual experiences around the death bed, mine was as horrible and faith demoting as can imagine. The priesthood blessing was a total downer, and to this day can't make sense of the last few hours.
The more I questioned the more I realized that while I thought I knew certain principles and doctrines, it was because I had not learned or studied any other “good books, teachings, or principles” from other seers, prophets, philosopher, and teachers, that can be found across the globe from many cultures, religions and creeds. I am definitely past the black and white phase and there is so much grey. Currently still hold a TR, but when ask recommend questions it is a wanting to believe affirmation for sure. Currently lean more to the agnostic side and feel that the scriptures are full of principles and truths that can help guide us but not historically true.
One of the most frustrating things is that within our culture there are not safe places to talk about doubts and fears, so a lot carry the burden alone. Luckily I have an understanding wife who thus far supports me though not necessarily agrees, for this I am extremely grateful. I am also grateful for this forum to allow expression and understanding.
I picked Asher as username as it meaning happy, blessed, fortunate. As I feel that I have be blessed and majority of the time am happy. Yet this has also been part of my journey/struggle asking why I have been so blessed when so many billions suffer and will never even know a computer enough to tell their story.
I hope to contribute and continue to learn on this journey with all of you, as our lives cross on cyberspace for a brief time.
My questioning began in college, basic things like, “How can I tell a muslim that his prophet could not see angels, receive divine revelation, and write a sacred book of scripture, but my prophet could do all those exact things and be “the only true church”. Given that Islam does not except Christ as a God or a Savior it is hard for me to buy that Allah and Heavenly Father or the same. I found it interesting that Christians could find the immaculate conception, Jesus walking on the water and feeding five thousand perfectly fine, but couldn’t except a vision to a boy, angels appearing and miracles occurring in 1800’s. Religions fascinate me as everyone clamoring to speak for God, yet have such different views of God. Has much changed since 1820, or really since the beginning of the modern human. We use the term “God” so much that it is hard to truly grasp what anyone is trying to convey. Maybe that is part of the mystery.
Then my grandfather died, he was old and ready to die but while so many have spiritual experiences around the death bed, mine was as horrible and faith demoting as can imagine. The priesthood blessing was a total downer, and to this day can't make sense of the last few hours.
The more I questioned the more I realized that while I thought I knew certain principles and doctrines, it was because I had not learned or studied any other “good books, teachings, or principles” from other seers, prophets, philosopher, and teachers, that can be found across the globe from many cultures, religions and creeds. I am definitely past the black and white phase and there is so much grey. Currently still hold a TR, but when ask recommend questions it is a wanting to believe affirmation for sure. Currently lean more to the agnostic side and feel that the scriptures are full of principles and truths that can help guide us but not historically true.
One of the most frustrating things is that within our culture there are not safe places to talk about doubts and fears, so a lot carry the burden alone. Luckily I have an understanding wife who thus far supports me though not necessarily agrees, for this I am extremely grateful. I am also grateful for this forum to allow expression and understanding.
I picked Asher as username as it meaning happy, blessed, fortunate. As I feel that I have be blessed and majority of the time am happy. Yet this has also been part of my journey/struggle asking why I have been so blessed when so many billions suffer and will never even know a computer enough to tell their story.
I hope to contribute and continue to learn on this journey with all of you, as our lives cross on cyberspace for a brief time.