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Update

Posted: 03 Jul 2018, 14:48
by ydeve
I haven't posted here in over a year, but I thought I'd give an update on how I'm doing for any of you who might be wondering.

A year ago, I decided it was time to leave the church, since it isn't the One True Church and it hasn't been the most healthy place for me. I went to Episcopalian mass for a few times and enjoyed it, but decided I was just as happy and spiritual not going to a church at all. I started discreetly dating (while at BYU) and met the man of my dreams. We've been dating a little over a year now. I'm currently graduated, and we've come out. I also unsubscribed from r/exmormon. It feels good to be closing the "Mormon" and "transitioning" chapters of my life.

I want to thank all of you on this forum for providing a faith-positive environment to question the lds church. It's hard to find a non-judgemental place like this, and it helped me a lot in figuring out where I should be while still retaining what I found valuable in my past experiences in the lds church.

Re: Update

Posted: 03 Jul 2018, 17:55
by LookingHard
Thanks for the update and congratulations!

It can be very healthy for some to be able to see the church in the rear view mirror and not even thinking of it day to day.

Re: Update

Posted: 04 Jul 2018, 22:00
by Curt Sunshine
Thank you for the update. Our first goal is to help people stay, but our second goal is to help people who must leave do so without bitterness and anger. While I am sad to see you leave, I am happy to hear you are at peace and in a wonderful relationship.

May there be a road.

Re: Update

Posted: 05 Jul 2018, 08:23
by ydeve
Curt Sunshine wrote:
04 Jul 2018, 22:00
Thank you for the update. Our first goal is to help people stay, but our second goal is to help people who must leave do so without bitterness and anger.
There's definitely bitterness and anger. The lds church is an incredibly dangerous place for a fair number of people. It's like peanuts. Some people like them. Others don't. But for some, it's deadly poison. I don't think your goal should be to straight-up help people stay, but rather to help people find where they should be and get there without burning bridges.

Re: Update

Posted: 05 Jul 2018, 09:23
by Roy
I am so happy for you that you are able to be "happy and spiritual" in your currant journey. Many individuals pass through this site and we do not know what became of them. We only hope that we helped them during our brief time together.

ydeve wrote:
05 Jul 2018, 08:23
I don't think your goal should be to straight-up help people stay, but rather to help people find where they should be and get there without burning bridges.
Yeah, I get that. I think it is a function of needing to have a mission and dedicating an environment to that. Some people might be more comfortable on NOM or exmormon reddit and find those sites helpful. It would be very easy for us to drift away from the church until we are just poking holes in other peoples spiritual dams. At that point we would no longer have an environment that would help someone that wants to find ways to stay LDS and be somewhat positive. Since there are precious few resources to help people that want to stay but struggle, we focus on being that resource.


IOW, since we cannot be both a good hammer and a good flashlight - we focus on being the best flashlight that we can be.

Re: Update

Posted: 05 Jul 2018, 09:35
by Heber13
Thank you for returning and giving an update for us to know how it is going. That was a kind thing to do, and it is great to hear from you and to hear the good things going on. That's a happy story.

Perhaps some of the pain and effort you went through prepares you for some good things ahead, and helps you now how to better help others and develop more empathy (not that you needed it...just that it comes with experience).

Thanks again!!

Re: Update

Posted: 05 Jul 2018, 11:36
by DarkJedi
Thanks for sharing and giving us the update. I'm glad you're happy and hope you continue to find the peace you seek.

Re: Update

Posted: 05 Jul 2018, 19:39
by Curt Sunshine
I don't think your goal should be to straight-up help people stay, but rather to help people find where they should be and get there without burning bridges.


Fwiw, that is a restatement of what I said. It literally is our mission, just phrased differently. I said our primary mission is to help people stay, but our secondary goal is to help those who must leave do so without bitterness and anger. That is what you described; we just used different words, from different perspectives, to say it. What our mission does NOT include helping people leave and be bitter and/or angry about it. We understand that happens and can't be avoided in some cases, but we don't try to help people get there. Leaving? We will help if staying is not an option. Being bitter and angry? Nope, we won't try to help with that.

I am not trying to argue in any way by saying all of that. It simply is important to say, especially for everyone who reads but never comments.

Re: Update

Posted: 06 Jul 2018, 00:19
by SilentDawning
My philosophy is to live one's life with happiness and joy. It sounds like you are on that path. I know that for some, the church can in fact be a place where dangerous things happen to both physical and mental health. I know that first hand. So I am glad you are taking a path toward happiness and joy that wasn't possible in the church. Let's not let the church stand in the way of that happiness. It works for many people, but not everyone. In other words, as we pursue happiness, let's not let the church stand in the way.