Glad it's not just me

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Beefster
Posts: 485
Joined: 04 Aug 2017, 18:38

Re: Glad it's not just me

Post by Beefster » 09 Mar 2018, 19:24

The moment when the shelf breaks comes so suddenly. You think you have it all figured out and then your belief implodes. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Welcome to the club. I wish you the best in finding your way.
Boys are governed by rules. Men are governed by principles.

Often I hear doubt being presented as the opposite of faith but I think certainty does a better job of filling that role. Doubts can help faith grow, certainty almost always makes faith shrink. --nibbler

adrift
Posts: 11
Joined: 04 Mar 2018, 05:30

Re: Glad it's not just me

Post by adrift » 12 Mar 2018, 06:18

Thanks, it's definitely been crazy. My wife says I'm cynical and is worried that the pendulum will swing as far the other way as I was a die hard TBM. I can see that possibility and am trying not to let that happen.

Roy
Posts: 4889
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Glad it's not just me

Post by Roy » 12 Mar 2018, 14:46

adrift wrote:
12 Mar 2018, 06:18
Thanks, it's definitely been crazy. My wife says I'm cynical and is worried that the pendulum will swing as far the other way as I was a die hard TBM. I can see that possibility and am trying not to let that happen.
I remember going to a party/"Nerd board game night" that said BYOB on the invite. DW was worried that I would drink there. I was incredulous at her response. She said, "With all of the other stuff changing with you, how am I to know what is going to change next."

It was a scary time for both of us. I realized that she had a legitimate fear that I might become an alcoholic womanizer without the church authority to hold me on the straight and narrow.

Whatever else happens, It is worthwhile to reassure your spouse that your moral principles and your commitment to your marriage and family have not changed. They are constant and can be relied upon.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

adrift
Posts: 11
Joined: 04 Mar 2018, 05:30

Re: Glad it's not just me

Post by adrift » 12 Mar 2018, 16:15

Roy wrote:
12 Mar 2018, 14:46

I remember going to a party/"Nerd board game night" that said BYOB on the invite. DW was worried that I would drink there. I was incredulous at her response. She said, "With all of the other stuff changing with you, how am I to know what is going to change next."

It was a scary time for both of us. I realized that she had a legitimate fear that I might become an alcoholic womanizer without the church authority to hold me on the straight and narrow.

Whatever else happens, It is worthwhile to reassure your spouse that your moral principles and your commitment to your marriage and family have not changed. They are constant and can be relied upon.
For sure. I totally agree about family and marriage. I can also understand your wife's concern. It's what we've been taught and (most likely) have taught others- that without the Church we become Zoramites.

My wife is about where I am on most stuff but she worries that I'll be angry with God. I'm not. I'm upset with myself and feel like a fool, looking back. But I'm not bitter with him.

On a side note, about a year ago after so much study and prayer, I couldn't believe it and it made me sick but I felt like God told me that we've been looking beyond the mark on many things, to include the WoW. I began to see things differently and I feel that it is good advice, as it was given. On other forums people would say that I was just looking to justify drinking alcohol or coffee but I wasn't. I just want to know the truth and to be right with God.

AmyJ
Posts: 659
Joined: 27 Jul 2017, 05:50

Re: Glad it's not just me

Post by AmyJ » 13 Mar 2018, 06:21

adrift wrote:
12 Mar 2018, 16:15
It's what we've been taught and (most likely) have taught others- that without the Church we become Zoramites.
In class this year, I had an unexpected hard time with the parts of the Book of Mormon that classify ways of thinking as personality types who make choices to go away from God (such as this example). I could relate with various "-ites" much more easily, and no longer did I make the same conclusion(s) about people that the authors of the Book of Mormon did. The trick that made it easier for me to understand their point of view was that for a military general/administrator in that rough time period - they did not have the desire, time, or inclination to do more than attempt to innoculate their followers as it were.
adrift wrote:
12 Mar 2018, 16:15
My wife is about where I am on most stuff but she worries that I'll be angry with God. I'm not. I'm upset with myself and feel like a fool, looking back. But I'm not bitter with him.

On a side note, about a year ago after so much study and prayer, I couldn't believe it and it made me sick but I felt like God told me that we've been looking beyond the mark on many things, to include the WoW. I began to see things differently and I feel that it is good advice, as it was given. On other forums people would say that I was just looking to justify drinking alcohol or coffee but I wasn't. I just want to know the truth and to be right with God.
In my Stage 4, I am not angry with God either. Yes, I want to deconstruct every perception and principle and figure out what makes it tick. I feel like my 18 month old and blocks - she spends lots of time stacking blocks, pulling down blocks, and hiding blocks in toy purses, other boxes and what have you. This is her normal. This is entirely developmentally appropriate for her age. Other kids her age or older are past the block-discovery stage, and have a hard time relating to it. I am not even really upset with myself for my previous lack of understanding and more black/white perception of the world. While I may wish that some things were different, I can extend myself grace because I understand that my understanding is now different, and I can make different choices based on my new understanding.

For me, my narrative needs for God to exist, and care sometimes. I think that part of me is asking a) what do I want in my relationship with God, b) what do I know that God wants from me (that transcends religion), and c) what am I willing to do about it.

adrift
Posts: 11
Joined: 04 Mar 2018, 05:30

Re: Glad it's not just me

Post by adrift » 13 Mar 2018, 08:42

AmyJ wrote:
13 Mar 2018, 06:21
I am not even really upset with myself for my previous lack of understanding and more black/white perception of the world. While I may wish that some things were different, I can extend myself grace because I understand that my understanding is now different, and I can make different choices based on my new understanding.
Wow. Thank you for that. You sound a lot like my wife. I understand that I couldn't be here without having been there. I have been spending the last couple of years building and tearing down blocks. It's so strange because I was certain that I'd never be here and now that I am I see how ignorant I was then.

nibbler
Posts: 3589
Joined: 14 Nov 2013, 07:34
Location: Ten miles west of the exact centre of the universe

Re: Glad it's not just me

Post by nibbler » 07 Apr 2018, 16:43

adrift wrote:
04 Mar 2018, 19:16
I do believe that God exists but I realize that I've grossly misunderstood him all of my life. I'm not angry with him but I guess I'm angry with myself because I feel like I should have seen all along what I see now. I'm just so confused and don't feel like I know anything anymore.
You should at least cut yourself as much slack as you extend to god. Just sayin' ;)

The way I frame things is that I view things differently now... but the way I viewed them before wasn't wrong, it was what I needed at the time. Now I need something different. The path behind me is a good path, it led me to where I am today.

Welcome to StayLDS.

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