Hello!

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
Outcast
Posts: 4
Joined: 20 Nov 2017, 13:37

Hello!

Post by Outcast » 28 Nov 2017, 15:15

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Last edited by Outcast on 29 Nov 2017, 19:24, edited 2 times in total.

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Heber13
Posts: 6865
Joined: 22 Apr 2009, 16:37
Location: In the Middle

Re: Hello!

Post by Heber13 » 28 Nov 2017, 15:22

Welcome to the forum.

As we discuss our experiences and offer support to each other on how we deal with our emotions...I hope you can find some things to help you find some joy and peace as you choose to stay in the church.

I look forward to learning from your comments!
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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LookingHard
Posts: 2847
Joined: 20 Oct 2014, 12:11

Re: Hello!

Post by LookingHard » 28 Nov 2017, 15:29

Wow - you are dealing with some hard issues. Sorry you have had to deal with this. I hope this site is helpful to you.

And I have to comment given the post I just did to another person about his "porn addiction" and telling him to "mellow out - it ain't such a big deal." I think the actions you are calling out are in a different league than what I think is more of the norm of a Mormon guy searching google for some still pictures of flesh. I am NOT advocating that the behavior that you are having to deal with is OK and no big deal. That is some messed up stuff you are having to protect your kids from.

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Mr. Sneelock
Posts: 23
Joined: 19 Sep 2017, 08:06

Re: Hello!

Post by Mr. Sneelock » 28 Nov 2017, 15:31

Thanks for sharing your story! It must be terribly lonely to feel like an outcast. I am starting to understand the deep trauma that I caused my wife because of my porn/masturbation addiction and dishonesty surrounding it. I can't even imagine the level of hurt and trauma you have endured.

I can relate to your TBM --> ??? designation. I don't know exactly how to define my beliefs anymore. I hope you can find some support and understanding here.
. . . beauty for ashes . . .

Outcast
Posts: 4
Joined: 20 Nov 2017, 13:37

Re: Hello!

Post by Outcast » 29 Nov 2017, 07:05

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Last edited by Outcast on 29 Nov 2017, 19:24, edited 1 time in total.

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Heber13
Posts: 6865
Joined: 22 Apr 2009, 16:37
Location: In the Middle

Re: Hello!

Post by Heber13 » 29 Nov 2017, 12:29

These are tough things. I'm not sure I'm qualified to answer, having no experience with this. Just supportive thoughts...
Outcast wrote:
29 Nov 2017, 07:05
Problem #1
Were there ever any lawyers involved, charges filed, or action taken other than kicking him out of the house? If it involves child pornography, I would think lawyers or your local police or CPS would be the source to go to in order to ask what could be done to protect children.
Outcast wrote:
29 Nov 2017, 07:05
Problem #2. My brother-in-law's problems...
The LDS church called this creep as a boy scout leader, and as a first councilor in the bishopric KNOWING he was a child molester.
I believe this is where sustaining comes in. You should not sustain a person to a calling with this back ground. The bishop calling him should know about it,and the SP. If you are not in his ward, it would be totally appropriate to contact that bishop and SP with that information. I believe you said there was jail time for this? That should be easy to find public record of such crimes for public record and get that to the church.

It is hard to imagine someone with a criminal background serving in Boy Scouts. They usually do background checks.

It can get to be messy situations...but I suggest you get the facts, and get them to church leaders so it can be addressed. I totally believe the church cares deeply about protecting members and would take appropriate action.

Have you tried any of those routes?

I have learned through personal experience that church volunteers are not the resource to rely on for all things, including marriage counseling or abuse or criminal activity. We need to break the perception that they get revelation, and therefore are the expert resource to rely on for all things in life. They are volunteers and do their best. But...for such serious matters...take it outside the church and find appropriate experts and resources in the community to help your problems. Turn to church on how to heal and how to build your own spirituality as you go through these life tests...but I don't think God expects us to rely on the church or it's leaders for everything. They simply aren't qualified and we have to take responsibility and make decisions for ourselves to protect our families.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

Outcast
Posts: 4
Joined: 20 Nov 2017, 13:37

Re: Hello!

Post by Outcast » 29 Nov 2017, 14:45

Yes, charges have been filed...

[moderator note: the details in this post are inappropriate for the purposes of this forum and have been moderated. Please leave details of criminal charges and specifics out of the discussion. Generalities (such as criminal charges have been filed) are good enough go get the point across.

We will not debate if the church supports or protects these individuals or anything making it look like the church condones these criminal behaviors in any stretch of the imagination, although we all know church leaders can and do make mistakes on judgments, it is clearly not what the LDS church is about.

The purpose of this forum is to determine how to move forward to STAY LDS even when we go through our experiences, as incredibly difficult as they may be. Let's keep discussions to that and not the specifics of the criminal cases and investigations that are going on.]

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mom3
Posts: 3560
Joined: 02 Apr 2011, 14:11

Re: Hello!

Post by mom3 » 29 Nov 2017, 15:33

Ow and Wow.

Welcome.

If it were mine to tackle, I would begin with porn/computer issue first. You might contact a metro pcs store, and ask if they know where/how to get it stopped and removed from your computer. A legal expert might be able to point you to a computer professional for this, too.

Irregardless of the church portion you might consider a therapist or counselor to talk to. This is going to take a lot of work to unwind.

I hope we help create a softer space for you whatever road you need to take.
"I stayed because it was God and Jesus Christ that I wanted to follow and be like, not individual human beings." Chieko Okazaki Dialogue interview

"I am coming to envision a new persona for the Church as humble followers of Jesus Christ....Joseph and his early followers came forth with lots of triumphalist rhetoric, but I think we need a new voice, one of humility, friendship and service. We should teach people to believe in God because it will soften their hearts and make them more willing to serve." - Richard Bushman

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LDS_Scoutmaster
Posts: 210
Joined: 21 Jan 2015, 23:30
Location: SoCal

Re: Hello!

Post by LDS_Scoutmaster » 29 Nov 2017, 17:21

I cannot understand what you are going through. The thought of my own children being victims and having those videos out there is scary and horrible. Unfortunately it may be impossible to track down and delete them all, knowing how the internet works and doesn't work, there may be programs that can track them down and someone with more knowledge than I may come in. The CPS may have some answers on that.

I do understand your anger though, at god and the church, having relatives who were molested and then the perpetrator gets a slap on the wrist from church councils, the death of a sibling at a very young age, and countless injustices against the innocent. I won't say that I feel the exact pain that you do, except the desire to scream towards the sky and ask 'why?'.

You've found a safe place to vent, and I hope that you will find a semblance of peace in this turmoil.
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=6311&start=70#p121051 My last talk

We are all imperfect beings, dealing with other imperfect beings, and we're doing it imperfectly.

Outcast
Posts: 4
Joined: 20 Nov 2017, 13:37

Re: Hello!

Post by Outcast » 29 Nov 2017, 19:24

"The purpose of this forum is to determine how to move forward"

As I am currently in the middle of this night mare, not able to take more than 10 minutes at a time right now... guess this is not the place for me.

thanks for everyone's comments - yes, as this involves a bunch of children in an open case I should not share anything with anyone except the investigators who are working through this as well. you can delete my profile.

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