Always thankful and SO confused . . . .

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
Lovemylife17
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Joined: 18 Aug 2017, 09:23

Always thankful and SO confused . . . .

Post by Lovemylife17 » 22 Aug 2017, 11:31

Hello Friends,

I come to this forum with a very heavy heart. I was raised in the church and fell away as a late teen. I married at 18, pregnant, and am proud to say I am still married to that wonderful man and we have 3 children and one amazing grandchild 30 years later! My family was more active than my husband's, so my gospel foundation was much stronger when we married, even though I was not attending at the time. A 30 year story made very short, I went to church off and on for the first 11 years of our marriage alone with my kids. My husband didn't feel like we needed to congregate with others to worship God. I understood and didn't pressure him. I kind of liked that idea too, but that isn't what I was taught so there was conflict in my heart even then.

While pregnant with my last child, a girl, I had a very spiritual experience that testified to me that we needed to prepare to attend the temple and seal our family together. I went home and shared my experience with my husband and he said, "ok". After all these years, I finally got my wish! When my daughter was two, we were sealed as a family ON our 11th yr wedding anniversary. Our children were 10, 7, 2 yrs old. We continued to raise our family in the church and life was good.

It must be said here that I LOVE my Heavenly Father and my Savior with all my heart and I have felt their love for me! And I'm pretty sure my spirit is one that really gave them a run for their money in the pre-existence!

Now fast forward to right now . . . we are now empty nesters and I have quite a bit of time on my hands. For some reason, that I honestly haven't figured out yet, I have lost interest in the church. NOT in my Father or his Son, but the CHURCH. This is disheartening and exciting at the same time! So confusing! This is why I'm here.

I've thoroughly enjoyed the heart felt stories and testimonies on this website! I read the Intro Essay and knew right away that this was a safe place for me to be, so thank you for that!

I am going to keep this entry an "introduction" and will direct my questions and concerns in the "support forum"! Glad to be here and I welcome any advice and counsel you have for me in future posts!

Shae

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On Own Now
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Joined: 18 Jan 2012, 12:45

Re: Always thankful and SO confused . . . .

Post by On Own Now » 22 Aug 2017, 12:01

Shae,

Welcome to this site; I'm glad we have found each other. I'm sorry that you are going through something that makes you have a very heavy heart. When I read your intro, though, it actually sounded to me like you've got a good positive outlook on your life. You certainly have a lot to be grateful for. From just the few words you have written, I get a sense that you are an optimistic person, and I look forward to your added voice here. I can tell that it's not really your disposition to do so, but could you say a few things about what makes you feel such a heavy heart?
"Let us therefore no longer pass judgment on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of another." --Romans 14:13

Curt Sunshine
Site Admin
Posts: 15565
Joined: 21 Oct 2008, 20:24

Re: Always thankful and SO confused . . . .

Post by Curt Sunshine » 22 Aug 2017, 12:06

Welcome to our Island of Misfit Toys. I am glad you found us and hope we can help each other.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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Heber13
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Location: In the Middle

Re: Always thankful and SO confused . . . .

Post by Heber13 » 22 Aug 2017, 13:05

I'm glad you found us. Thank you for sharing part of your story. Very interesting.

I think we can find meaningful things in life that make us happy with or without the church, it is just a choice on what we would like to have and there is no one right answer that fits all spirits.

I look forward to learning more from your posts. Thanks for joining!
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

Lovemylife17
Posts: 9
Joined: 18 Aug 2017, 09:23

Re: Always thankful and SO confused . . . .

Post by Lovemylife17 » 22 Aug 2017, 13:14

On Own Now,

I think my heavy heart is being caused by the confusion I am feeling as I venture out and investigate things I've been forbidden to know. I am feeling liberated and that is confusing to me. I started this little venture after having a conversation with my daughter about the church. She left for college a year ago and she shared with me that she isn't interested in being active in the church because she has felt a sense of "fear" her whole life and she just wants to feel free to choose her own path. As I contemplated her words I totally understood her thought process. If I'm honest with myself and look back on my "why" for going through the temple, and at that time it WAS out of "fear" of NOT being a family after we die and a mother to the children I was blessed to raise on this earth, not necessarily because I believed in everything I was being taught.

I guess I'm just confused as to what is truth and what is man made scare tactics to keep us active. I can't even believe that I'm questioning these things . . . I do not feel like I can talk with ANYONE in my ward, like my RS pres. (I'm in the presidency BTW) or my bishop because I KNOW what they are going to think, whether they say it or not, "She is being deceived by the adversary and being lead astray." . . . is that true??? Or am I simply opening my heart and mind to different possibilities??

I have so much more I want to share and ask . . . should I start a post in "support"? I just don't want to post in the wrong place, I'm new, haha!
Shae

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LookingHard
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Joined: 20 Oct 2014, 12:11

Re: Always thankful and SO confused . . . .

Post by LookingHard » 22 Aug 2017, 13:34

Welcome and I agree you won't find a much more accepting place than here. I have found it extremely helpful. I hope you do too.

It sounds like your mind is swirling a bit. Take time to do the things that help keep you calm (or as calm as you can be). There is no rush.

We are eager to hear more and more importantly help you.

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nibbler
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Location: Ten miles west of the exact centre of the universe

Re: Always thankful and SO confused . . . .

Post by nibbler » 22 Aug 2017, 17:48

Lovemylife17 wrote:
22 Aug 2017, 13:14
I guess I'm just confused as to what is truth and what is man made scare tactics to keep us active.
To be fair I don't think they're deliberate scare tactics meant to keep others active. I'd say our own fears work against us to get us to do things that we otherwise wouldn't or to keep doing things long after there's no more benefit in doing whatever it is we're doing. We verbalize those fears to other people around us and other people begin to share in those fears.

What do you do when the fears wear off?

I can empathize with being confused but I can say that I'd rather be confused than what I was before... bored. Having all the answers was boring. Being confused... now there's something I can work with. ;)
The night stared me in the face, amorphous, blind, infinite, without frontiers. Not a single star relieved the darkness behind the glass.
― Stanisław Lem

Curt Sunshine
Site Admin
Posts: 15565
Joined: 21 Oct 2008, 20:24

Re: Always thankful and SO confused . . . .

Post by Curt Sunshine » 22 Aug 2017, 18:40

I sometimes bump up a poem my daughter wrote a few years ago when someone makes a comment about the difficulty of searching for truth. I feel I should share it with you, so, rather than bump it up again this month I am going to share the link.

Please read it. I think it might resonate with you.

"Imagine If..." - viewtopic.php?f=11&t=3098
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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dande48
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Location: Wherever there is danger

Re: Always thankful and SO confused . . . .

Post by dande48 » 22 Aug 2017, 18:48

Welcome Shae! Glad you could join us.

I don't why you're feeling a disconnect with the Church, but we're all here for you. This is a wonderful community to be a part of.

Blessings on your journey.
"Sir, it's quite possible this asteroid is not entirely stable." - C-3PO

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DarkJedi
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Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: Always thankful and SO confused . . . .

Post by DarkJedi » 23 Aug 2017, 03:53

nibbler wrote:
22 Aug 2017, 17:48
Lovemylife17 wrote:
22 Aug 2017, 13:14
I guess I'm just confused as to what is truth and what is man made scare tactics to keep us active.
To be fair I don't think they're deliberate scare tactics meant to keep others active. I'd say our own fears work against us to get us to do things that we otherwise wouldn't or to keep doing things long after there's no more benefit in doing whatever it is we're doing. We verbalize those fears to other people around us and other people begin to share in those fears.

What do you do when the fears wear off?

I can empathize with being confused but I can say that I'd rather be confused than what I was before... bored. Having all the answers was boring. Being confused... now there's something I can work with. ;)
First, welcome Shae. I'm glad you found us.

I don't know, Nibbler, I do think there are some elements of fear being used by some in leadership to keep people active, paying tithing, going to the temple, etc. The fears don't seem to wear off for some and in some wards they are almost constantly reinforced in talks, testimonies, and lessons. And yes, we have probably all been guilty of it to some extent at some point. I think that's why Pres. Uchtdorf felt it necessary to talk about it, and as he points out we are not the only church or organization guilty of using fear. In my case the fear wore off during my period of inactivity and I wasn't struck by lightning, no roofs collapsed, and I even felt what I believe to be the Spirit from time to time. It was for me part of the "maturation" of my faith.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

My Introduction

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