Comfort in the name of this Site

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
User avatar
Reuben
Posts: 323
Joined: 05 Nov 2016, 10:04

Re: Comfort in the name of this Site

Post by Reuben » 29 May 2017, 09:16

Minyan Man wrote:
29 May 2017, 07:51
51Mag, welcome to our little family. I don't have alot to add at this time.
Keep coming back.
I'm gonna "me too" this. Welcome to the club! It's a good one. Glad you found us.
My intro

Love before dogma. Truth before loyalty. Knowledge before sanctity or certainty.

Roy
Posts: 4093
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Comfort in the name of this Site

Post by Roy » 29 May 2017, 09:49

Welcome to the group!

I can only sympathize. At the time of my FC I was serving as WML and my wife was PP. I do know of former Bishops that basically stopped participating once they were released. The burnout (and possibly other factors like seeing that more corporate inner workings of the church) just seemed to have sucked all the joy from their church experience. My FIL was a bishop and his family still resents how the calling seemed to steal their dad from them.

I agree with what has been said about boundaries but that is easier done in some callings than in others. I can just imagine a new bishop saying - "I will be available on Sundays but not during the week. Any appointments will need to be made for Sunday. Any phone call messages or emails will be responded to on Sunday." See how far that gets you. :twisted:
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

unsure
Posts: 88
Joined: 05 Jun 2016, 19:10

Re: Comfort in the name of this Site

Post by unsure » 29 May 2017, 17:11

Ray DeGraw wrote:
28 May 2017, 21:40

The one thing that has helped me avoid burnout the most is a commitment to the following maxim:
If they call me, they get me.
Welcome to the site Mag51. Hope you can find what you are looking for here.

Granted this is back when I was more of a TBM but sometimes this is easier said than done. I was varsity scout coach for about 5 years or so and went through a lot of different assistants but 90% of the time if I didn't show up for the kids, no one would be there. Nobody was reliable. So you have to step up and do what needs to be done otherwise you're letting the kids down.

I've never been bishop (nor ever will be) but I've seen how much work it can take and it's easy to see how you can get burned out.

Between weekly scout/mutual meetings, sunday lessons, camping trips, monthly stake scouting meetings, baptisms for the dead, quorum presidency meetings, young mens presidency meetings, key scouters meetings, court of honors, board of reviews, etc, etc I was just completely done at the end of it.

My father was either bishop or SP my entire childhood and because we lived in a huge stake (geographically) where other branches were 1-6 hours away I never saw him on sunday. Usually he'd have to leave saturday night and come home very late sunday. I can't help but feel some resentment about that. I don't blame him because he was doing what he thought was right but the church always seemed to come before family. There needs to be a better balance for bishops and SP's.

User avatar
FaithfulSkeptic
Posts: 216
Joined: 06 Jun 2014, 09:04

Re: Comfort in the name of this Site

Post by FaithfulSkeptic » 05 Jun 2017, 11:38

Welcome 51Mag! I enjoyed your introduction and am glad you posted here. Bill Reel was a bishop as well when he went through his faith crisis. I don't envy your position at all.

I've never been a bishop (although I have been in a bishopric and I was the son of a bishop), and I share your concerns about balancing church and family responsibilities. We have way too many meetings!

I can definitely relate to burnout, and I think it has been a major factor in my disaffection as well. You're in good company here. I hope you find it to be a helpful and safe place for you!
I know of no sign on the doors of our meetinghouses that says, “Your testimony must be this tall to enter.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf, October 2014

User avatar
SamBee
Posts: 4147
Joined: 14 Mar 2010, 04:55

Re: Comfort in the name of this Site

Post by SamBee » 05 Jun 2017, 17:52

We have an occasional visitor in our ward who is our former bishop and very badly treated by a couple of now thankfully inactive members. His wife also played away and they divorced. He is pretty much atheist now as a consequence, he is a really nice guy and I feel very sorry for him. I feel his accusers should have been disciplined or possibly excommunicated for what they visited on him.

Another bishop has gone inactive recently. Again factors outside church - trouble at work needing him in the office on Sundays occasionally. I hope he's okay and not burnt out.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

User avatar
DarkJedi
Posts: 5174
Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: Comfort in the name of this Site

Post by DarkJedi » 07 Jun 2017, 12:50

I don't want to give away my identity but my faith crisis came at the end of being Bishop. I don't think it was because of any specific doctrine or history. It was because I was burnt out and my family was burnt out. I tried very hard to balance Church versus family but the Church ALWAYS won. There was always someone needing assistance, counseling, help etc. I would try my best to balance things but it took its toll on myself and my wife. I can honestly say that my blood boils when I hear about having a "meeting". I have been a part of so many meetings that were absolutely pointless and could have been taken care of with a text or email.
I've been thinking about this for the past few days, and reflecting on something our SP said recently about not having to do everything. He wasn't just talking about the ward picnic, he did indicate there were other things we could not do by choice to lighten our loads and have less stress.

With that, and recognizing that you and others here are former bishops and there are also bishop's counselors and former counselors (including me) on the forum, what would you eliminate if you could? That is, if you were told you could eliminate any "duties" of the bishop or other ward programs, which ones would go? Which ones do you think are absolute must do?
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

My Introduction

Ray DeGraw
Site Admin
Posts: 15134
Joined: 21 Oct 2008, 20:24
Contact:

Re: Comfort in the name of this Site

Post by Ray DeGraw » 07 Jun 2017, 19:18

[Admin Note]: Those are great questions, DJ. Please copy them and start a new post, so people can find it easier if they are looking for that topic later.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

User avatar
SilentDawning
Posts: 6149
Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Re: Comfort in the name of this Site

Post by SilentDawning » 07 Jun 2017, 19:46

Ray DeGraw wrote:
07 Jun 2017, 19:18
[Admin Note]: Those are great questions, DJ. Please copy them and start a new post, so people can find it easier if they are looking for that topic later.
I'll do this DJ, while I'm in here...as a former Bishop's Counselor I think they are interesting questions.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users